32

I turn 32 this week.

I know that 32 isn't really one of those milestone birthdays like 21, 25, or 30, but hear me out.

On my 30th birthday I'd thought of having a celebration of some sort (though I'm terrible about planning such things and always have been). Those ideas went out the window when a close friend passed and her memorial service was on my birthday. I knew that I couldn't just sit around the house and mope, so I invited two of my friends to go to the aquarium and the Cheesecake factory that weekend. But that was the bulk of my celebration, and I was still struggling with grief from the loss.

On my 31st birthday, I was worried that I'd get sullen and depressed as I remembered my friend but found that I wasn't so much. Yet again I failed to make birthday plans, partially owing to a summer job that only gave me one free week before I started the school year - thankfully, it was my birthday week. I went into the city to a museum I'd never visited before, then came home. My dinner plans were ruined by a storm, but I had dinner with my dad and a close friend that weekend.

So here we are at 32, and I yet again haven't made plans. I guess it's all for the better; I'm not really a social butterfly, and while I do enjoy attending events with friends, I'm much more comfortable with a few super close friends and a game night than I would be going out.

I have, however, been reflecting on how being in my thirties has changed me.

In the past year alone I've had so many experiences in such rapid succession; starting a new job, learning new skills on my own, losing my grandmother, going on my first hike (and liking it!), building a TikTok following and working harder on my writing and publishing goals, dealing with fibroids and anemia and all of the appointments that went with them, working on my mental and physical health...it's been a lot.

But, despite the stress and changes, there have been so many opportunities for me to grow as a person. I'm learning to really lean on the people closest to me, rather than struggle along by myself (let me be clear, I've by no means mastered this, but I'm working on it). I'm learning to actually recognize positive things about myself rather than putting myself down all of the time. I'm learning to take constructive criticism as people trying to help me get better instead of feeling defeated.

Honestly, some of the things that I'm doing, I never would have thought possible.

My best friend had long encouraged me to start a TikTok and build a following online so that when I start moving from writing to publishing, I would already have an audience. She told me about how others have gotten started there, and how I could learn from the community there. I've since found that it's a great place to be. I have great conversations under my posts and in DMs and even found a couple of beta readers to give me valuable feedback on the last novel that I had completed. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to keep thinking of content ideas, but that hasn't been a problem at all. Plus, it's fun finding out how many other writers have some of the same quirks that I have!

I haven't decided if I want to go the traditional publishing route or self-publish once I've done a couple more rounds of beta reading and revisions, but I've already made more progress with it this year than I have in a while.

In addition, I finished a course on introductory data analytics and I'm continuing to practice and learn by trial and error about the various tools involved in analyzing and visualizing data. It's stressful sometimes, but I'm enjoying the challenge and I'm excited for what I'll be able to do with these new skills.

Which brings me to the word that I chose for this year.

Every December I take time and do some reflecting on the year that is ending and come up with some goals and plans for the upcoming year. Part of this process is coming up with a word to kind of guide my year. I'll write down a few that seem to align with my goals, then pray and think about them to pick the main one that will guide me. Once I've picked that word, I order a bracelet from MyIntent.com which has the word on it, and I wear the bracelet every day to remind me.

This year's word is "Possibilities." It's hit harder than I realized that it would.

With all of the changes in my life, I feel like more possibilities have been opened to me - in work, in writing, in love, and in life in general. The year is more than half over, but there are still plenty of opportunities - and possibilities - for growth and progress this year.

So here's to 32. Here's to continued growth, continued confidence, and continued possibilities.