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3 Times I Was A Jerk During My Teenage Years

They will forever remain my great regrets

By Chau TrieuPublished 2 years ago 4 min read
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3 Times I Was A Jerk During My Teenage Years
Photo by Žygimantas Dukauskas on Unsplash

I have heard from some people that they never regret anything in their lives, as everything that has happened has led them to who they are at the present. While that premise is solid, I'd argue that it's a coping mechanism for some to not let regret drown them.

I have a different take on the matter. We all have done and will do something stupid that pushes us into remorse and drives us to make up for it. It's unavoidable and universal. So, how about using them as a mirror to reflect and making them a reminder for the future?

Here I am, facing my regrets head-on.

14 years old - The time I lashed out at my mother

I wanted to study abroad right after junior high school. I was eager to experience a different kind of education and live a new life.

My mother had another idea.

She rarely showed any reaction to my desire, probably because she thought I was not serious, and I took it as a silent agreement. It was only after I received an acceptance letter from a high school in the US that my mother for the first time verbally opposed my decision.

It was also my first time to disagree with her, which resulted in our first heated argument. To make me change my mind, she even brought this issue out during the family dinner. By family, I don't mean my parents, me, and my sibling but the one including my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Frustrated and angry by the way she handled the matter, I lashed out at her and ended the discussion with:

"You always undermine me whenever you have the chance!"

Right when those words came out of my mouth, I knew I had screwed up. It wasn't true. My mother loves me and she only wants the best for me. Our problem was the lack of communication and trust. There obviously were better ways to deal with this issue, but we chose the worst solution.

A few days later, my mom came to me to apologize and said to me that she would never do anything that's not in my best interest. She thought I was too young to travel across the globe and live in a foreign country alone. My mother hoped I would reconsider.

It worked. I rejected the offer.

It has been years since this happened and what I regret the most is not the way I chose to react, but the fact that I never apologized to my mother for the lie I told her.

16 years old - The time I judged my friend without knowing his situation

I always tried to be the model student who was punctual, obedient, and hard-working. I believed doing well in school was teenagers' responsibility and it baffled me to see anyone who acted rebelliously.

There was this guy in my class who I talked to a few times, let's call him Xavier. I remember him as a nice, friendly, and musical friend who always slept in class. Xavier had been warned by the teachers a couple of times before his parents were asked to meet with the headteacher.

I did not agree with his action. All of my great impressions about him flew out the window as the situation did not improve.

After graduation, we never saw each other again. Occasionally, I come across his updates or the tagged photos on social media. But we never talk and I doubt that we will cross paths in the future.

A few months ago, I went on a cafe date with my close friend from high school, who happened to be Xavier's best friend. Somehow, we mentioned him during our conversation and I described to her my perception of him. To my surprise, she told me that he had to sleep in class because Xavier was suffering from insomnia and depression. He did not have the best family and he was going through some difficult stuff at the time, which were what kept him up at night.

I felt horrible. I was judgmental, unempathetic, and not a good friend. I was quick to judge his action without knowing the whole picture.

One of these days, when I have the chance and have mustered my courage, I will give Xavier my sincerest apology, even if he doesn't need one.

19 years old - The time I did not stand up for myself

Long story short, I was in the same group with a white guy who made multiple racist jokes targeted at me. It's understandable if I had one such encounter. But the so-called jokes happened over and over again and not once did I call him out.

I made many excuses for myself: I'm a people-pleaser, I avoid confrontation at all costs, I wanted to keep the peace among the group. Yet, none of them made me feel better about letting myself be the target time after time.

I can put all the blame on that guy, sure. But if I hadn't let him, would he have repeated his action?

I can play the victim for the rest of my life, but where would that take me? Staying submissive every time I encounter a similar situation and later on, blame all of it on society, injustice, and discrimination? That doesn't sound like the future I had imagined.

These regrets have followed me for years and will accompany me for many more to come.

Keeping them in my mind is always reminding me to be more empathetic and understanding, to think hard before speaking, to not let anger cloud my judgment, and overall, to prevent my future self from making more mistakes and having more regrets.

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About the Creator

Chau Trieu

Trying to create daily...

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