3 Things to Say to Your Spouse Every Day

My husband and I have only been married three years and together for five. It seems like an eternity for us but in comparison to those who have been married for decades, it can appear that we are quite fresh in the world of relationships.

For the entirety of our relationship, my husband has been in the service industry, mostly bartending, and working 4-6 nights a week. I see him somewhat regularly throughout the week, during the day, but we have never been the kind of couple who sits down to eat dinner together more than once a week or goes to bed next to each other every night. I work 40-60 hours a week as well but during more "typical" business hours.

This has, in some ways, made us grow closer in that we appreciate the time we do spend together, but it's also put some strains on our relationship because we can sometimes feel as though each of our needs are not being met because of the lack of time we spend together.

In recent months, we have been working a lot on our communication skills to help each other feel appreciated and acknowledged. Below are the three things that we say to each other every day, without fail.

1. I love you.

Seems like an obvious one, I know. And my husband has always been so incredibly good about this one. I used to get kind of annoyed with how many times a day he would say it to me. But at the start and end of every day, I am reminded that I do love him and he does love me. No matter what ups and down we encounter, the relationship was built on just that - LOVE. With our wild schedules, I would say this over the phone or in a text throughout the day, but I've gotten into the habit of making sure to say it to my husband's face, making direct eye contact when I say it. I'm learning that it's not a phrase to be said in passing, it's a daily sentiment that needs to be sincerely given and accepted.

2. I appreciate you.

This phrase feels so much more meaningful than a simple "thank you". At our house, we use this little mantra as a way of expressing to the other person that we acknowledge everything the other has done that day. I appreciate that my husband worked all night to provide for our family and then woke up early with our son while I went to work. He appreciates that I am continuing a career that I love while balancing motherhood and learning how to better myself each day. I appreciate that even on his days off, he shows up as a husband and father. He appreciates that on my days off, I might not have gotten out of my pajamas, but I did a few extra chores around the house so that he wouldn't have to. Be as specific as you can with this one - acknowledgement is key.

3. What can I do to help you today?

This phrase has only recently been introduced into our relationship, and it's been a total game changer, honestly. This one can be tweaked and changed however you need in your own relationship - How can I help you? What can I do to make your life a little easier today? What do you need from me today? What would really make you smile today? How can I make you feel loved/appreciated/understood/acknowledged today?

Often times, I would feel like my emotional needs were not being met. I had this mentality of "he should know what I need and know how to help without me having to write it down or spell it out for him." And then I would get frustrated when he didn't read my mind and finish everything on my imaginary honey-do list.

And sometimes this answer to this question is just nothing - and that's okay. Sometimes it's a simple hug or kiss. Sometimes it's a big favor and sometimes it's just picking up something quick and easy at the store.

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When you're communicating with your partner, everything else seems much simpler. We have been using these three phrases every day for almost a month now and I can honestly say I have felt happier because of it.

I would love to hear what phrases YOU use in your relationships every day to help you feel connected to your partner!