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3 Signs Your Friend Is a Foe

No More Fake Friends

By Erika PotapPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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Childhood friendships are the best. You literally have gone through everything together, even puberty! Someone who has stood by your side through your crippling monthly mood swings since your very first menstrual cycle—now that’s real friendship. Think about all the amazing memories you’ve shared, the good times, hard times, times your friendship was tried and tested, times you wish you could forget, and then that one time that changes everything. Like any relationship, there are good times and bad, makeups and breakups but there comes a time where the bad starts to exceed the good and the breakup is so bad that there is no makeup, it can never be mended. I guess all good things come to an end at some point, whether we like it or not, everything has an expiration date. There’s only so many times a friendship can be tried and tested before that friendship ceases to exist.

When you truly care about someone, you only want the best for them— regardless of how it affects you. True friendship is selfless in that way, but often times people are not. That’s when you know it’s time to let go. Here are some signs to help you weed out fake friends.

1. Everything is about them.

Friendship is a two-way street, therefore its growth depends on both parties and their willingness to nurture that growth. There’s no competition amongst friends, especially when it comes to trials and tribulations. Everybody goes through shit, regardless of what it is, it can’t be measured on a scale or entered into a competition to see who’s shit wins first place.

How would that competition even unfold, can you imagine? “I’m sorry Jenny, we know your husband cheated on you with your sister but Marys’ brother overdosed on drugs and died so she wins first place—your feelings are gonna have to take the backseat on this one, better luck next competition. And Rose you have been disqualified from this competition, your divorce was 6 months ago, yet coming from your mouth, this is the first we have heard about it. Your feelings are now null and void, consider slitting your wrists or talk about it in a timely fashion next time, we could give 2 fucks that your still hurting… now be gone, we are dealing with real pain here, better luck next time.” Sounds mighty ridiculous, wouldn’t you say?

One person's shit can’t take precedence over another person's shit, nor nullify it for that matter. People can be so selfish and self absorbed that they often forget friendship goes both ways. Just because they are all about themselves doesn't mean your friendship has to be. No one has the right to tell you how to feel, they can choose to be there for you but being there doesn’t give them the right to measure your pain on a scale so they can then tell you what they are going through is far worse. If you have a friend who does this, it might be time to make new friends. To each his own. Sure my problems are nothing when there are kids starving to death in Africa, or when you think about things like the Holocaust and slavery, or any other million tragic events that happen everyday… knowing that these things happened may indirectly affect me and I would have to be made of stone to say I couldn’t care less, but at the end of the day, my problems are still mine, and all of the tragedies in the world combined as tragic as they may be don’t somehow nullify them. You don’t need a friendship where your constantly trying to figure out if your feelings are important or tragic enough to be heard.

2. They manipulate the situation and play victim.

People are allowed to make mistakes. Let’s face it, no one is perfect. If we value the friendship, we forgive and try to move on. If we make a mistake, we own up to it and take responsibility for whatever we did and we hope that our friendship is strong enough to get through it. But there are certain people that have an issue with admitting fault, they would rather be right and have the final word, even at the expense of your feelings and ultimately, your friendship.

Friends should be able to talk to each other about anything, especially when it has to do with how they feel—good friends would never intentionally do something to hurt you and quickly try to fix their mistake when you call them out on it. Friends that won't own up to being wrong no matter what, even manipulate the entire situation just to flip it back on you, then give you a guilt trip about it, are not quality friends. They are taking advantage of your empathetic nature and using it against you because their need to be right takes precedence over your feelings, and ultimately over your friendship.

Do you feel like your feelings are constantly being ignored or disregarded? Do you find yourself feeling guilty or even apologizing for your feelings being hurt? If so, it may be time to re-evaluate the friendship and break the cycle of manipulation.

3. Everything is on their time.

We all have things to do and places to go. Whether you're the president of the United States, a stay at home mom, or a student, makes no difference, you still have a life to live and you live it according to what’s best for you. You find time to spend with those you feel are worthy of your time, and those you care to spend it with . When making plans with friends you are respectful of those plans and do your best to move things around in order to best accommodate your friend. If your friend never cares to make plans unless it’s convenient for them, and won’t ever go anywhere they’re not interested in going it may be time to leave them in 2017.

They only come around when their boyfriend is busy or on their way to work because they’re bored sitting in traffic, your friend isn’t exactly a true friend. Their friendship is conditional, meaning if the conditions are not according to their preference then they’re out, it’s all about them and what they want, when they want. Your just there to help pass their time. Ain’t nobody got time for that kind of friend. Better start making some new friends in the new year cause those friends are no good.

Makes no difference how long you have been friends with someone, if they aren’t holding up their side of the friendship, there’s no reason to remain friends. People can enter your life and treat you better than friends you have known a lifetime. Don’t let time frames dictate the terms of your friendship, know your worth and never take less than what you deserve. Being your friend is a privilege, not a birthright.

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About the Creator

Erika Potap

I know a thing about a thing or two. Believe in the power of the universe. hope my words can somehow make you smile, even if only on the inside. Questions, thoughts or comments?

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