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3 Actions You Should Stop Doing to Be a Better Friend

You will be and feel better

By Chau TrieuPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
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3 Actions You Should Stop Doing to Be a Better Friend
Photo by Chang Duong on Unsplash

Friendship is the most underrated relationship in our lives. It remains the one relation not bound by law, blood, or money - but an unspoken agreement of love. […] Friendship was witnessing another's slow drip of miseries and long bouts of boredom and occasional triumphs. It was feeling honored by the privilege of getting to be present for another person's most dismal moments, and knowing that you could be dismal around him in return.

- Hanya Yanagihara in her book A Little Life

Friendship, like Hanya Yanagihara has stated, is the most underrated relationship but the one that accompanies us for a long time if we work hard to maintain and develop it.

Friendship requires as much effort and care as other types of relationships. And just like that of husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, and parents and children, it can go sideways if your affection is not properly communicated.

After observing, researching, and personally experiencing, I have recognized three actions I am guilty of doing which I should put an end to if I want to be a better friend, and I highly encourage you to do the same.

1. Stop making your friends look at matters from your perspectives

Everyone has personal opinions, mindset, and way of living and is entitled to them.

You are a morning bird, your friend is a night owl.

You are a coffee addict, your friend likes tea.

You love climbing, your friend fancies a day at the beach.

Difference in opinion does not destroy friendship. Going out of your way to convince your friends that only your opinion matters does.

By making them see things from your perspectives and disagreeing to look from theirs is saying you are better than them. And that does not fly in a relationship that is supposed to be equal and mutual.

2. Stop giving advice when it is not asked

I'm guilty of assuming that my friends are asking me to give them solutions whenever they come to me with their problems. If I don't have an answer to their questions, I'd beat myself up for days and label myself as a bad friend.

While the intention is good, I have subconsciously made the whole thing about me and how I feel if I cannot help my friends, while I should be concerned with my friends' state of well-being. I have been so worried about being a bad friend that I have forgotten that my friends probably just need a sympathetic ear.

So when you are not asked, don't automatically give advice. If the purpose of the conversation is not clear, it is helpful to ask: "Do you want me to tell you my thoughts on this situation or do you want me to just listen?"

3. Stop saying "I told you so"

Oh these four damned words…

It's tempting, really, to say this to someone who previously opposed your opinion or did not listen to your advice. It makes you feel superior. It validates your beliefs. It means you were right. And who does not like to be proven right?

But this sentence is counter-productive, childish, and unhelpful. Has it ever been followed up with an unironic "You're right. You did tell me. You're so smart and I should always listen to you"?

Never.

Above all, it is what not being a friend is: unsupportive, condescending and snooty. I have been on both the giving and receiving ends of this sentence and neither of them has contributed to the friendship development.

The better alternative would be to not dwell on your friends' faults, cheer them on and help them get through it. And they'll do the same thing for you.

Friendship is such a sacred and precious relationship that needs as much attention and hard work as other types, if not more. Let us all take a hard look at ourselves as a friend and see how we can be better to the people who have supported and loved us in our best moments and our worst times.

friendship
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About the Creator

Chau Trieu

Trying to create daily...

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