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24 Reasons Your Partner Isn't Introducing You To Their Loved One

by Ellen "Jelly" McRae 5 months ago in dating
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It could be so many things, so quit jumping to conclusions.

The first meeting | Image created on Canva

Ahh, so you're the new person in the family. Well, you might not be that new.

You're waiting oh so impatiently for your partner to introduce you to their family and friends. It's more than time. It's past the time.

And it's only fair, right? They know all your family and friends. Despite any reservations, you haven't exercised a moment of hesitation. So what's going on with your partner?

This recently happened to me. It wasn't me meeting a partner's loved ones, it was my brother introducing me to his new girlfriend. My family knew so much about her. We even shared mutual friends as it turned out.

But for all my questions and wonderings, and attempts to meet, my brother held out on the introduction.

When I finally met his wonderful girlfriend, who I adore, we both had a moment. Why did this meeting take over a year to happen? What was the thing holiday my brother back?

She said to me as we were leaving, "I didn't know if he didn't want me to meet you, or he didn't want you to meet me."

I applauded her simplification of the situation. Sure, it could be one of those two reasons. Or it could be far more complicated than that.

Here are the reasons your partner isn't making the introduction to their family and friends.

It's Your Fault

1. It didn't go well the last time you met someone they knew

You aren't meant to like or get along with everyone. It happens. But for partners, they so desperately want every interaction to be perfect.

If the first, or most recent, meeting of friends and family didn't go well, it's only normal for them to feel hesitant.

History repeating itself and all that.

You might not know it didn't go well by the way. Sometimes we don't know we stuffed it up until well after the event.

2. You haven't been forthcoming with your loved ones

Your partner takes a cue from you. If your relationship hasn't involved co-mingling friends and family, it's not surprising your partner is making the leap of faith.

Sometimes you need to do this together. Sometimes you need to hold each other's hand through this process and do it as a united front.

3. Your loved ones weren't very nice to your partner

And maybe you've already introduced your family or friends, and the meeting didn't go very well. It might have been an epic disaster, putting a sour taste in your partner's mouth about the whole idea.

I can understand this hesitation. It's not a situation you willingly want to go through again, even if the roles are reversed.

4. Your social skills concern your partner

The two of you get along great. That's wonderful for your relationship. But life exists outside of the two of you, and your partner might not feel so confident about how you handle yourself in public situations.

This could be a justified hesitation. The night they watched you drink four tequila shots in five minutes when you went out for a quiet dinner might have them rattled.

Yet, their assumption could be just that, an assumption. This is when taking the reins and introducing your loved ones first might help them feel at ease.

5. You and your partner had a fight

Don't bring other people into a warring relationship.

That's not a suggestion, by the way. It's logical.

The relationship won't get any better with two people hating each other, or with tension in the air.

People react differently to all sizes of fights, by the way. It could be the smallest of arguments, something insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but it has been enough to scare them away from any big introductions.

6. You expressed some hesitation during the relationship to meet

You had an opportunity to meet your partner's mother on the first date, but you declined. I mean, come on, it was the first date! Talk about full-on.

But now you're ten, twenty dates into the picture, you don't share the same feelings towards the situation.

Yet, it's all your partner remembers. They assume you still harbour those same hesitations and are waiting for you to clarify your feelings.

7. You're not so available

They might have tried to line up a meeting of loved ones, but you aren't as available as you think you are.

Emotionally, you feel ready. It's not any hesitation on your part.

However, your extreme work hours, and your hectic social and hobby schedule, make it impossible to line up a time with their loved ones.

Some partners don't even mention a meeting because they know you don't have time. Little do they know you will clear time for them.

In some situations, you need to tell them that.

8. You're moving too fast

It might seem like the right time for you to meet their loved ones, but that's your opinion.

They don't see the relationship with you in the same way. They don't think you and them are ready to take this next step.

It can suck to realise this, especially if it's true. It can turn your relationship on its head if you're not understanding how your partner is feeling.

If this is the case, you will need to exercise maximum patience or re-evaluate your relationship.

Same page problems.

It's Your Partner's Fault

9. They're lazy about this part of your relationship

Don't underestimate how lazy your partner is. Or busy, or pre-occupied or socially unaware to get off their bottom and make the connection happen.

It's not personal, it's another thing on their to-do list they have gotten around to accomplishing.

10. They're insecure about how it will go from past experience

Unless you're their first partner, they've done this before.

They've introduced partners before and more than likely it hasn't gone well at some stage.

This memory is hard to shake. It's not your fault, by the way. It's something your partner has to get past because you aren't their ex.

11. They don't see the importance of this moment

You value meeting their family and friends. You know how monumental this is to your relationship, to have your life, and theirs merged like this.

But for them, it's just another day in the dating life.

With such little importance for the moment, they aren't rushing to get it done. 

When it happens, it happens.

12. They don't see the relationship getting serious

And perhaps they place a lot of importance on the moment and the impending meeting is forcing them to re-assess their relationship with you.

They're holding back because they're hesitating to pursue the relationship ongoing.

It's your worst fear, I know. As you might tell from the list, it isn't always going to be the reason though. One of many.

13. They are about to break up with you

You ask about meeting their loved ones and here they are, about to break up with you. Awkward.

Of course, they aren't going to introduce you if they don't plan on continuing the relationship. You would hope they wouldn't string you along too much longer if this were the case.

14. They're cheating on you

They've taken a sledgehammer to the relationship and now everything normal about dating has turned on its head.

They're unsure how to take the next step, they're numb with how to keep going. All the big life moments halt, just like that.

As they work out what is going on, they keep the status quo as it is.

15. They believe you won't get along

It's you versus your partner's loved ones, and in your partner's mind, you aren't a fit.

If this was blind dating, they would set you up with another family.

It's hard to fathom this might be a reason, considering you haven't tried yet. It's not nice knowing they're making an assumption before even attempting an introduction.

Opposites attract and people tend to make a greater effort with people when the stakes are high. This is one of those high-stakes moments.

16. They worry you will like each other too much

Here comes the past coming to bite them again. Your partner's family and friends loved their ex, so much so the ex is still in the picture.

It's hard because at this stage of the relationship they worry if something happens between you, it's another ex they can't shake.

It's forecasting a lot of predictions here. Way too much catastrophising.

Yet, I know people who've been in this situation, and it's awful. When you're trying to move on and your family and friends want to hold on to an ex more than you do, it's hard.

It's Your Partner's Family/Friend's Fault

17. They just had a fight with each other

Their friends and family are at war, and your partner doesn't want you to enter the middle of a tense union.

It has nothing to do with you or your partner.

It's important, though, that this meeting goes well and happens on good terms.

There is never the right time to meet someone. But there is a wrong time and this is it.

18. They just had a fight with your partner

And in this situation, it has everything to do with your partner. They are fighting with their family and friends.

They don't want to be around their loved ones, and as you are an extension of them, they don't want you around them either.

19. They don't have an overall good relationship with them or that sort of relationship

As we get older, our values change and we surround ourselves with evolve.

A few years ago I experience such a transition with my closest friends. Anyone who has come into my life in the last few years must think I have no friends because I've cleansed myself of toxicity around me.

Your partner might be going through the same transition, which is tough. They don't need the extra pressure of introducing you right now.

20. They still aren't over your partner's ex

I've met the family and friends when they've been daydreaming about my partner's ex. They miss the ex. They wish the ex was still the current partner.

As someone who has been through that, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. You feel you're every movement is being measured and judged against someone you don't know.

You're in competition when there isn't a race.

21. They've done this too many times before

Serial romancers. There are many of them out there.

Every single person they date gets introduced to their family and friends.

As a result, the family/friends have met too many partners and have become invested in too many people over the years.

In short, they want to know you and your partner are serious before meeting you.

This is a time thing, something you can't overly control. If you're serious though, you will wait.

22. They live too far away

Ahh, distance. It stuffs with most people.

I have some of my family who lives quite far, and so does my husband. It's not so easy to organise a meeting when you have to get on a plane, clear your work schedule and take time off in order for you to introduce someone.

It's hard work and some don't have the money or flexibility to execute this type of meeting.

23. They misbehave when they meet a partner

The day my mum and stepdad met my husband, they got drunk before we arrived. They have never done that before in their life. Yet, for some reason, this was the time to do it.

I didn't care by the way. My husband and I still laugh about it to this day.

Yet, when we talk about first impressions, some loved ones don't know how to make a good one.

24. They will embarrass your partner upon meeting

Cue the twenty questions. What are your intentions with my loved one?

Cue the embarrassing stories. Do you want to hear about the time…?

Loved ones love to rib you during important situations. Like a good best man's speech, this is another occasion to get a rise out of your partner.

Wondering? Try Asking. 

I'm sure I could name another twenty-four reasons why a meeting might not happen. It could be anything, from the perfectly understandable to the absurd and unpredictable.

You can pick from the list if that helps you sleep at night. But if I was to be a friend to you right now, I would suggest asking your loved one why the meeting hasn't happened.

Open communication. It can't fail.

dating

About the author

Ellen "Jelly" McRae

Writes about romanceships (romance + relationships) | Loves to talk about behind the scenes of being a solopreneur on The Frolics | Writes 1 Lovelock Drive | Discover everything I do and share here: www.ellenjellymcrae.com

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