21 Minutes

“As I sat there, phone shaking in hand, I knew this was it. I was finally going to meet my match. My last first date.”

I’ve achieved success in almost every area of my life. I’m the youngest and only female data scientist at my company, I recently purchased a beautiful home in downtown Vallejo, and I have the most amazing group of friends and family. There’s one area though that has pretty much been a fail my entire adult life.

I suck at finding love.

You can almost say love hates me. I’ve tried everything imaginable to find my dream guy. Blind dates, online dating, hook ups through friends, networking events, clubs, bars, you name it. Most times the guys didn’t make it past the first date. For the few that did manage to impress me enough to explore the possibilities of a relationship, they all ended up being either a mama’s boy, financially irresponsible, self-centered, or some ultimate loser combination of the three.

I’m a wine enthusiast, which sometimes I think is frowned upon by the guys I meet, especially the younger ones. I’d much rather have a glass of wine at a nice restaurant than go take shots at a dive bar. If I were a type of wine, I would be a Merlot, which also happens to be my favorite type. Fine and balanced, easy on the palate, and savory with a hint of sweet. Why is it so hard to find a guy who enjoys a nice glass of Merlot?

As I mentioned earlier, I’m a data scientist. I’ve never been one to go with my “gut” feeling or have much of an imagination. I’ve been this way since I was a child. I remember telling my mom when I was about 7 years old that it was scientifically impossible for Santa Clause to visit every child’s house in the world in just one night. Yes, I was that child. Being analytical and questioning everything has so served me well so far. It’s also why the latest dating app “21 Minutes” caught my eye.

I’ll never forget reading their tag line for the first time.

“It only takes 21 minutes to find your lifelong love.”

The science behind it was simple. The founders created a series of algorithms that matches couples based on their responses to 21 open ended questions. The questions were broken into three sections and each question is meant to take no more than a minute to answer. The idea was to not overthink the questions, but to put down whatever comes to mind first. Of course, it seemed too good to be true, even with their claim of making over 1 million matches in the first year after launching. However, what did I have to lose?

One rainy Sunday afternoon in April, I decided to take the leap. I poured myself a glass of Merlot, got comfortable, and downloaded the app to my phone. The nerves I had made me feel like I was taking the SAT all over again. Except, there was no right or wrong answer. Just the truth. If I wanted to find the perfect match, I had to be completely honest with myself. I rolled up my sleeves and pressed “Begin”.

Part 1: Your Past

Where are you originally from?

Describe the dynamics of your household growing up.

Who had the biggest influence on your childhood?

What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done?

What was the happiest moment of your life so far?

When was your last serious relationship? Why did it end?

What is the best meal you’ve ever eaten?

Part 2: Your Present

Who are the most important people in your life right now?

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

Are you an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert?

What is your number one pet peeve?

What does a typical Saturday night look like for you?

What’s your biggest fear?

Are there any major holidays you do not celebrate?

Part 3: Your Future

Do you desire to have children?

What is the first thing you notice when you meet someone?

If someone gave you $10,000 to go on vacation, where would you go?

How important is sex to you in a relationship?

What’s something new you want to learn?

Would you rather work for yourself or someone else?

What do you want to be remembered for when you’re gone?

It took me exactly 21 minutes to finish. Some questions were easier to answer than others, but I tried to get out of my own head and let everything come from the heart.

Anxiety crept in as I came to the final review screen. It read, “Would you like to finalize your answers?” I looked back over everything at least seven times. I took a slow deep breath and hit submit. There was no turning back.

The next few days were torture. I was constantly checking my phone looking for the results to come in. There was no timeline on how soon the match would be made, so I had no choice but to wait. A week went by, then two, then a whole month. Nothing. Radio silence.

I wallowed in self-pity for a while. My routine became a sad replay of work, sleep, eat, and repeat. I knew I couldn’t go on like this forever, so I decided I was going to take off work and book a day with myself to do all the things I love. I went to the spa for a facial and hot stone massage. I went to the beauty salon for my hair and nails. I took myself out to dinner and a movie. It was the best time I had in months. I realized that I was so focused on finding someone else to love me, I forgot to love me.

It was now the middle of May and I had deleted the “21 Minutes” app from my phone to keep from obsessing over it. That’s when it happened. The notification sound for new emails went off and I could see from the preview the subject line read “YOU’VE BEEN MATCHED!”.

The email invited me to meet my match in less than 24 hours. Their team handled all the planning, so we just had to show up at the address provided. To keep the element of surprise, they didn’t give any details. The only thing they gave me was his first name: Simon.

I wore my favorite little black dress that hugged my body in all the right places. I adorned myself with gold jewelry accents and a red lip. My perfume boasted the scents of champagne, musk, and orange blossoms. I was ready.

The sun was starting to set as I pulled into the parking lot. I looked up and saw the sign in big bold letters: COOPER’S. The hostess showed me to our reserved table. As I sat there, phone shaking in hand, I knew this was it. I was finally going to meet my match. My last first date.

My eyes stayed glued to the entrance of the restaurant as I waited for my mystery man to arrive. What were actually minutes seemed like hours passing by, until he crossed the threshold and our eyes instantly locked. Everything moved in slow motion as he walked towards me. I studied him from top to bottom. His rich bronze skin and shining countenance illuminated the room. His eyes were as deep as the ocean and it was like I could see right to his soul. I quickly snapped out of my light trance when I heard a deep, comforting voice say, “Samantha?”.

We skipped past the small talk and jumped right into the deep end; discussing everything from career, family, hobbies, and how crazy we both felt for even thinking we would find love this way. His words were new yet felt so familiar. It was like catching up with an old friend. I wish I could have bottled how I felt at that exact moment in time so I could carry it with me forever.

The waiter finally came over asked if we’d like to get started with any drinks. Before I could say anything, Simon looked over at me, grinning from ear to ear, then looked back at the waiter and said, “The beautiful lady will have a glass of your finest Merlot.”