145,000 Miles

The car sped across the dark highway with no lights or other cars in sight.

"Maybe we should call it a night" Stella pleaded with her husband Dave.

They had been on the road for 14 hours in complete silence other than her repeated question every other hour or two.

"Dave" she snapped finally irritated with his cold shoulder act.

"Stella" he mimicked in the same whiny tone.

He was annoyed with her and couldn’t wait to get to Phoenix so that he could drop her off at the hotel and get to the closest bar to ease his mind.

"Why did you even want me to come if you were just going to be rude the whole time" she pouted looking out her window.

She couldn’t remember one kind word her husband had said to her in the last year and she didn’t know how to fix it. One day everything was great, and he loved the very ground she walked on and then the next everything irked him. He hated the way she talked, the way she chewed, how she folded their clothes instead of hung them; everything that didn’t bother him before caused arguments now. She felt like she was stuck in the middle of the ocean and he was the ship on the horizon but no matter how loud she screamed or how fast she swam she just couldn’t reach him.

She went into their marriage knowing that he had a hard time when it came to communicating and being transparent, so she cut him a lot of slack but now it was border line emotional abuse.

"What was I supposed to do? Pay two mortgages all to avoid your damn tantrums? Just do us both a favor and sit back and ride." He snapped turning the radio on.

As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. They’d been married for 10 years today and instead of spending their time celebrating their anniversary they were on the road to move to a new state because of his job.

He felt more than heard the pop of his left tire as the car swerved on the road. He heard Stella’s scream as the car spun twice before he gained enough traction to stop it. He looked over at Stella’s wide eyes placing a hand on her shoulder.

"You okay?" He asked quickly looking her over. All she could do was nod. Luckily, the road was empty on both sides so them being spun to the other side of the road wasn’t as horrible as it could have been had there been traffic.

“I’m going to move us to the shoulder and then I need you to get out until I put the flares out so that if someone passes by, they'll see us.”

She nodded again as he slowly moved them to the shoulder. Stella got out of the car and went to the trunk as he turned the hazards on. She pulled out the emergency bag that had the flares and set them on the ground as he walked over.

" Stella go stand over there why do you always have to do everything" he snapped angrily.

Gently moving her away from the bag he grabbed the flares and started lighting them to surround the car.

She got back inside trying to figure out what she kept doing wrong. No matter what she did he was always so angry, and it terrified her.

Dave got back inside the car after calling triple A. He was happy that it was a nice warm night since they gave him an ETA of four hours. He turned the radio down and sat back deciding whether to rest his eyes for a minute or push the car to the next exit so they could at least be somewhere with light and people.

Stella stared out the window fighting back tears. She knew that her marriage was over, and it hurt her more that she didn’t know why.

Dave felt the silence more than he had over the last year and struggled with a way to break the ice that had formed between them. He knew it was his fault but felt that it was easier to just be angry than to address what was really going on. He heard Stella whispering something but couldn’t catch her words.

He knew she was upset as her shoulders shook and she twirled her fingers together. Taking a deep breath and letting it out quickly he started to grab her hand and then decided against it.

"What was that?" He asked softly.

"Maybe it would be best if I go back. I'll find a job and get a place maybe stay with my parents until I get on my feet and you can go ahead to the new place" she offered confidently.

He knew he’d pushed her too far if she was willing to go to her parents.

" I just feel that maybe it's best. You can barely stand me and we're just arguing all the time" she paused wiping the tears that were starting to fall.

"Maybe a separation to figure out what we really want" she added looking back over at him.

He sat back in his seat looking at the darkness ahead of him.

“There’s 145 thousand miles on this car" he stated plainly.

She looked over at him trying to figure out if she’d heard him wrong. "What are" he interrupted her and continued.

"We brought it brand new. Not even a mile on it when we drove it off the lot and now it's 145 thousand miles later.

This car is a good make definitely a good model and probably with the right maintenance and constant work could last us much longer. At the same time though it's tempting to go and buy another. A brand new one that I won't have to do much maintenance on. A brand new one that can drive miles without breaking down and that still has the new car smell that makes you want to sit in it for that reason alone.

Then when you think about the fact that a new car is easily attainable you can't help but realize that you can have both. The new car that you want to drive all the time and show off but also the old one that holds 145 thousand miles of memories and reliability" he continued staring straight ahead.

He was speaking slowly as if he was trying to figure out his own train of thought. She sat quietly starting at him with wide teary eyes.

"When we make it to our new home there will be 148 thousand miles here and I'll admit I've been scouring car lots to find a newer model" he was interrupted by Stella’s gasp followed by a whimper as she attempted multiple times to unlock the door and get out.

She finally succeeded and jumped out. The humid air was making it even harder to breath as she leaned against the car with her hands on her knees.

She had married Dave at the early age of 18 happy to escape her abusive home to be welcomed into his mother's basement where they started their journey.

Instead of moving out right away they purchased the car and worked two and sometimes three jobs to pay it off and build a savings. They moved out of that basement with 5 thousand miles on the car and into a studio where they continued to save until Dave graduated at 22 years old and got the job offer of a lifetime.

The commute was two hours a day and put a lot of miles and strain on their beloved car, but they made it work, they made it last.

Now they were 28 and he had finally made partner. She thought their struggling days and sleepless nights were over. They were finally going to be comfortable enough to buy a house and start a family.

Stella realized that those goals and dreams were still a possibility for him but just not with her. She thought about the endless hours of scrubbing floors and doing dishes for side gigs to put him through school and pay on the car note while he was completing his studies.

She remembered the lonely nights she slept alone while he stayed up studying through the night for his classes in the morning. She told herself over and over again that it was worth the emptiness and the depression that she felt from the lack of attention and love she received from him. That one day it would get better because they were on a mission to accomplish things before they enjoyed each other.

"Teamwork makes the dream work" was what he always told her when she voiced her loneliness and begged for some of his time. He'd promised that when he was done, he’d put her through school so that she could get her degree in social working. Promised that he would work twice as hard to make her dreams come true but now since all of his dreams were in arms reach, he didn’t need her anymore.

Where she had seen young love and a future, he’d seen a business agreement that was coming to an end. She leaned back looking up as she heard him walk around the car. She was shocked that she couldn’t muster any anger or hate towards him. She loved him just that much and was struggling to understand where that stopped being mutual.

He leaned on the car next to her taking a few deep breaths as they both stared into the darkness. Stella was such a big part of him and his life that it was like having an extra limb. She was an extension of him. Their last year had been especially hard and not because of her but because he had started crossing lines. He’d allowed women to say and do things that should have been kept between he and his wife. He'd started listening and watching his single co-workers who didn’t understand his choice to marry young.

He knew that his anger was really at himself whenever he lashed out at her he just couldn't fix it. She really never did anything wrong, she never caused him any additional stress, never complained about his late nights’ early mornings, and never asked for more even though he knew she wanted it. He had to start petty arguments over laundry and dinner in order to have a conversation because he didn't feel worthy to love her anymore. She deserved better and it scared him to think of life without her.

"Listen" he stepped closer to her slowly grabbing her hand happy when she didn't pull away.

"I realized that even with as many miles on our car I wouldn't mind riding it for as long as it moves. I realized that it remained reliable and took care of me when I was doing 2-hour commutes to and from work. When I would have to leave it on empty for months only being able to put 5 or 10 dollars in the tank at a time. It took care of me and now it's my turn. I may need to do a lot more maintenance and it may have some dents and scratches, but it's paid off and its mine. A new one is no longer needed and no longer wanted." He explained staring at her intently.

"So did you test drive any of them" she asked looking over at him.

"Yes once" he admitted squeezing her hand.

She nodded her head while pulling her hand away from his. There was no coming back from that.

She no longer felt the need for his ship to come and save her. She was okay with building a raft and saving herself. She’d rather do bad alone than carry dead weight.