Humans logo

10 Years in the Making with a Failed Ending

by C.J.B about a year ago in love

Here's my version of our story.

10 Years in the Making with a Failed Ending

The one that got away? Is that real? Did they actually "get away," or did we let them get away? Did we have a choice in the matter, or is “fate” actually a real thing?

Interested in tragic love stories? Here's one for you.

When I was 15, I met a boy. He was a couple of years older than me. We went to the same high school, and lived across from each other. Honestly, I don't remember exactly how we met, but the first conversation that I remember had was about our neighbor who did not password protect their Wi-Fi, and how frustrating it was when they had finally password-protected it, and neither one of us could use it anymore!

I liked him the moment I met him. I thought he was cute, nice, and so cheesy but funny. We had the same sense of humour, had the same opinion on almost everything, and enjoyed the same little things. Every time we talked, I felt comfortable and nervous at the same time. Thinking about it now, I still feel the same way.

And you, the person whom this is about... Here is my version of our story.

When we met, I was with my first boyfriend. At the time, as a young person, it was hard to tell the difference between having a crush on someone, and actually having feelings for them. If I knew then what I know now, I would have been with you, instead of with the boy who was my "first crush." This is horrible to say now, I know. But, there are people who we were with and regret it, and people who we were never with and regret it. You're definitely the latter.

Throughout high school and even after that, we kept in touch. We talked here and there, but timing was just not on our side. Whenever one of us was available, brave enough and finally willing to give us a chance, the other would be with someone else.

Last year, when we were both finally single at the same time, you told me how you felt. Believe me, I wanted to say it back, and a huge part of me wishes I had. Instead, I walked away from you, and distanced myself again. Here's the truth, the reason why I had left you in confusion. My sister was very sick, and I know you would have been patient with me had I told you, but you're not just any guy. You have always been special to me, and I did not want to be with you unless I could be there as much as you were.

I didn’t ask you to wait because, what if I wasn’t worth the wait? What if everything that was happening in my life at the time changed me forever? I wouldn’t be the girl that you had feelings for all these years. I didn’t want to start our relationship with me relying on you so much. I know what you’re thinking: that wouldn’t be so bad, right? But, it would be. Before my sister got sick, somebody that I had relied on so much had broken my heart, and even though you’re a different person, I was afraid that it would happen again.

And now, you told me you’re getting married, and asked how I am in a way that I know is more than just actually asking how I am.

I wish I could tell you all these things now. Again, nine years later, it’s not the right time.

And now, it never will be.

You’re the one that got away, and you never even knew it.

Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'

See all posts by C.J.B