10 Ways to Have a Stress-Free First Year of Marriage

Ask any couple a few months after their wedding and most will say that they are still in their honeymoon phase, and yet also have a spoken (or unspoken) "but" that follows it. For instance, "we are in the honeymoon phase for sure, but we didn't expect it to be so difficult to…" This sentiment is somewhat universal and though many newly married couples would love to say they’ve had a stress-free first year of marriage, it is simply not a realistic concept.

Why not? There are many answers to that, and being aware of the more common stressors can actually help you enjoy the most stress-free first year of marriage possible. While life is never without bumps or challenges, we can look specifically at the issues faced in married life and help you recognize early signs of trouble and how to overcome the issues for the long term.

Sources of Trouble

It has to all begin with an honest look at the main reasons that you might not have the most an easy first year of marriage. The basic issues include communication, mindfulness, socializing, finances, fighting fair, household chores, date nights, and knowing when things have reached a point that couples' therapy may be a good idea. Let's spend a bit of time with each to figure out how to handle them. First, though, let's take a moment to realize why that first year of marriage may come as a shock and not be a stress-free first year of marriage.

The main trouble might be the wedding, or more realistically, the end of the wedding planning. You see, as you make plans to get married, you are not looking at what it means to live together, work together and make a long term relationship work. Instead, the two of you are a pair tackling a huge task. You are the center of the world, but not of one another's attention. It is not at all unusual for the three to six months before a wedding to be more about that one day than the next year.

Once all of that noise, distraction and disruption is done and the last Thank You note is sent on its way, you then have each other. You may not have addressed little issues, like household chores, date nights, and money. Now it might all come dropping on your heads, eliminating the chance for a stress-free first year of marriage.

The good news is that (whether married already or still planning), you can use the following tips to nip most problems in the bud or find better solutions.

Communication is key.

If you didn't master communication before you got married it can be extra work to make it better afterward. You both may have fallen into less productive habits. This is particularly true if one of you did the bulk of the planning. If you wish to successfully survive that first year, now is the moment to sit down and communicate with one another about your intentions in this area.

There are many reasons why communication is key in a relationship, even when it feels uncomfortable or scary. Will you never go to bed angry? Will you have a specific way to approach most discussions? For instance, if one of you tends to open a conversation too late at night, the other has to say that this is not going to work for them and that the conversation needs to occur when you are more awake and alert.

Ditch the technology.

Being mindful of one another is essential, and never more so in this age of digital distraction. That is why the truly happy marriage is one that puts limits on technology, it's been said that a vibrator should be the only electronic in the bedroom. In other words, make a point of leaving phones and other devices out of the room when communication, intimacy or time together is the focus. When spending quality time together, keep your phone out of reach so you can focus on the time you're having with your partner.

Keep up with friends.

Endless studies have proven the value of friendship. While marriage and family go hand in hand, you both must continue to maintain all of your pre-marriage friendships. Make sure that you spend time with friends in the same ways you did before marriage (within reason, of course). Set up a nice dinner with your friends, call them on your commute home or plan to visit one of the amazing locations for a girls only trip. This helps in times of marital stress or strain, too, since you cannot feel alone and without support if you have kept up close ties with friends.

Never stop dating each other.

Every month of your married life should include at least one date night. Not an order in and Netflix night, but an actual get dressed and go out sort of date. It could be casual and include a hike and picnic or a few drinks with friends. It could be a classic dinner and movie, or something more unusual like a concert or show. The point is to step out of the routine and remember your special bond of friendship with your partner.

Keep your hobbies.

Individual hobbies are a way for you to relieve stress and enjoy the things that you love. It's okay to have individual hobbies that you both don't share. It's okay for you both to have your "thing." You might enjoy horseback riding, knitting, photography, etc. He might enjoy fishing, hunting, motorcycles and cars. Spending time in each of your hobbies allows you to find some time for yourselves and that's okay! You don't have to be doing everything together every moment of the day. "Me time" will help relieve stress that might come out in other ways in your marriage, some of which might not be positive.

Discuss finances openly.

This should really be at the top of the list of issues that can prevent that stress-free first year of marriage. Long before the wedding day, it is of the utmost importance that the two of you sit down and discuss everything from student loan debts, each person's financial situation and what your goals can or should be. You can also plan monthly or quarterly sit-downs to go over financial matters such as bills, struggles or anything relating to household expenses. It should never be only about what one is responsible for, what the other must pay and that's it.

Tackle household chores as a team.

Financial responsibilities are one thing, and household chores are another. All responsibilities should be viewed through the lens of a team activity. Take the time to itemize everything that needs to be done, and make sure that the chores are equitably divided. Nothing causes more upset between two people if one person is left to do too many chores and not feel respected.

Don't talk bad about each other's family.

Every couple has a mother-in-law or brother-in-law or some other family member that they don't exactly get along with. Whatever the case, try not to talk bad about those family members and keep as positive as you can. Speaking negatively about your partner's family puts them in a difficult position to choose between you and their family. It also is disrespectful to bad mouth another person, especially someone as close to your partner as her family.

Don't underestimate couples therapy.

Lastly, if your desire for a stress-free first year of marriage is sincere or if it is out of reach because there is too much stress already, it is vital to know when things have reached a point that couples' therapy. If neither of you has an answer as to why you can't enjoy a stress-free first year of marriage it is healthy and wise to seek help and get the answers you need to make it all work out.