Unlost

Today is the day after armageddon, and I've decided to learn how to draw.

It's not actually the day after armageddon, but I was trapped in the shelter until yesterday, so this is the first time I've actually witnessed It. I haven't seen any other people yet, only some insects and what might have been a gull in the distance, but it's hard to see inside many of the wrecked houses. Maybe they're hiding. Maybe scared. Probably dead.

I walked through what was a craft store an hour ago and grabbed a few notebooks and pencils and glue and some other small stuff. That's what I'm doing right now, if I haven't mentioned it - writing in a little black notebook while what's left of the world continues to decay around me.

I should start calling it The Old World, and refer to everyone I ever knew as The Ancients! Now quick, start clicking on things to craft the New World! Better! Faster! Cooler! Everything is great again and nothing bad will ever happen to us!

Sorry - I don't think I've gotten a hold of myself completely yet. Laughing like a loon felt good for a minute, but now I've smeared the page with tears. I'll be back.

Okay, enough feeling sorry for myself. I still have some food and water, the air hasn't killed me yet, and I have a goal. They always say you need to set realistic goals, and I'm going to learn to draw. I'm going to start heading west, away from the city, and draw what I see along the way.

The ATV is all-electric, something I bought myself when I won the lottery a few days before everything went to hell. The $20,000 I won didn't really go a long way: the ATV, a new guitar, some clothes, and mostly paid off a credit card - the very one that paid for the shelter that saved my life.

First stop, though, is a hardware store or outdoor shop to find some solar panels. I can use the ATV as long as the days stay long and the battery is charged, but I need to be across the mountains before it gets too late in the year or I'll be stuck there. I don't know if you know how a mountain winter in Canada feels, but you can trust me when I say I don't want to be here for it without heat! The coast is probably my best chance at survival.

Success! I have my little road train of trailers - solar panels, my food, water, medical supplies (limited, but precious), a fishing rod (hopefully the lakes will still have fish as I get into the mountains), propane and camp stove, lanterns, a couple of tents, deck of cards, a couple of board games (with solo modes!), bow and arrows, a rifle (I don't like guns, but you never know), and other sundries.

It's funny; if I'd waited a week, I could have had the ATV for free after escaping!

Today I saw someone else for the first time since I emerged. He was a younger man, wearing ripped coveralls and heavy boots. Maybe he worked at the landscaping yard near the outlet mall I got most of my supplies at.

He was just kind of wandering in a big circle around a field next to the highway. Every once in a while he'd look up towards the sun and take a few steps towards it, then put his head back down and start circling again. I thought he was like me, a survivor. He didn't look mean, just lost. Just sad, and lost.

I should have gotten a knife while I was "shopping" this morning. I have one now, but now was almost never.

I didn't want to take the ATV off the highway, and he was probably over half a kilometre away, so I walked. I had a canteen and a couple of chocolate bars (which everyone knows is the best way to make friends) and just started walking straight towards him. I'm a fidgeter, and when I climbed through the barbed-wire fence I noticed a piece of old post wood that had a cool shape - kind of like a letter opener with some filigree at one end. Something to play with while I walked.

When I was close enough, I yelled out to the man. I offered some water and chocolate (again, the best way to make friends!) and asked where he was headed. I got his attention after a couple of tries. He looked at me.

Shit, I need to stop. I won't be able to sleep at all tonight if I keep going. Even set up in a tent in a shed surrounded by a fence on a farm with a padlocked door, I'm going to have nightmares. I have to change my dressing.

Okay, lesson learned - travel at night, recharge the batteries during the day. It's not even noon yet and I'm probably stuck here until tomorrow. The tent is getting too hot and I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose my game of Elder Sign, so I'm getting some fresh air before I eat. It's overcast, but doesn't look like rain. The amber glow on the eastern horizon hasn't really changed much since I came out of the shelter. No idea what it is, but heading away from it seems like the best idea. It is supremely unsettling to look at.

When the Lost guy turned to me yesterday (that's what I'm calling him, Lost, because of big, wandering circles he was walking), I legit died inside. His eyes were red. Not the middle part, but the whites themselves - bright red. His nose had bled recently, the crotch of his coveralls were stained with blood, and I could see where he had clawed at his own chest and neck at some point.

Then he ran at me. No hesitation, no talking (but a growing, growling scream), just full fucking speed all at once. I froze completely. I could feel how big my eyes were getting, I pissed myself, and the field suddenly felt too confining, too hot. My ears started t0 burn, my vision started pulsing, and then he was reaching for me. I could see torn skin stuck under his nails. I could smell it.

I had to take a break there and walk around and watch for other Lost ones. Way too real right now. That shit is going to wake me up in the middle of the day for weeks. Why does smell seem to travel faster than light?

That's what saved me was the smell. In the second I had after seeing his claws reaching out for my head and smelling the deadness (the wrongness), I got my hands up in front of me, trying to stop his teeth, those big, white teeth from reaching me.

My piece of fidget wood, sharp on one end and shaped like a carved knob on the other, was still in my hand, and then it was buried in his eye socket. Survival of the terrified. Or just plain lucky. I wonder if the tip broke off against the back of his skull. It felt like it might have.

I'm not a small person, but when someone is running at you full speed and hits you, you're going down. His teeth still took a good-sized chunk out of my forearm and i bruised my ass on a rock. I hope to hell that whatever caused him to be this way isn't contagious.

It's too early to tell if the bite (because dead or not, that's what this wound is) is infected, but it seems all right for now. I can't lay easily on my left side because of the bruise on my ass cheek, but I can ride the ATV and that's what's important right now.

I still have enough food for a couple weeks if I'm careful, and the family that lived here had some jerky and preserves put away that I've added to my stockpile. I've claimed a couple of chef's knives from the house and a spear that probably used to be a pitchfork from the barn. There were some expired antibiotics in the upstairs medicine cabinet, thankfully. I remember reading somewhere that human bites are the absolute worst.

I think tonight is the last night I'll be sleeping for a while. I don't really like the idea of travelling mountain roads in the dark, but if I want to keep the batteries charged I don't have much choice. If I find another battery for the ATV maybe I can charge one while I drive during the day.

There are a few hamlets and towns before I really get to the steep roads across the Rockies. With a little luck I won't run into too many Lost and may even find other survivors. It'll take me a couple of months to get across the mountains and to the coast and I still have no idea how much wildlife survived. Just because I haven't seen or heard any wolves yet doesn't mean there aren't any.

I hope the nightmares fade as I get further away from my salvation. I hope my dreams come back the further away I get from the amber horizon. I hope there are other people out there. I hope this isn't really the end of days.

Most of all, I hope I'm still me when I get to the end. I hope I still deserve to hope.