Movie Review: 'The Strangers Chapter 1' Starring Madelaine Petsch

The Strangers Chapter 1 (2024)

Directed by Renny Harlin

Written by Alan R. Cohen, Alan Freedland

Starring Madelaine Petsch, Froy Gutierrez, Rachel Shenton, Gabriel Basso

Release Date May 17th, 2024

Published May 20th, 2024

A loving couple is driving through the woods of Oregon. They are headed to a meeting in Portland where Maya (Madelaine Petsch) is going to interview for a job. If she lands the gig, she and her boyfriend, Ryan (Froy Gutierrez), will be moving to Portland permanently. As they drive, Maya receives an important notification on her phone. You might assume that this will be something plot important. Perhaps it's something where they will need to pull over and address it, leading to the plot moving forward. Perhaps this notification is a confirmation of their plan to stop in a small town and stay at a cabin, thus making this part of the plot that we know is set to unfold. This is a prequel to a movie from 2008 that unfolded in a cabin in the woods, so my assumption is reasonable.

But no, that's not what is happening. Instead, Maya pulls out her phone and checks the notification. She then informs Ryan that the notification is from Ally, the funds they requested have come through. As she says this, the camera cuts to Maya's perspective so that we can see the Ally app open on her phone and the remarkable ease with which the app has allowed Maya to receive the $4000 dollars that she and Ryan were owed for some unknown, previously unmentioned transaction. Indeed, Ally makes it is easy for family, friends, co-workers or customers to transfer funds, pay bills, or loan money. You can download the Ally app from the App Store or on Google Play, in case you didn't already know.

This is one of the worst examples of product placement in a movie that I have ever seen. I embellished a little, mimicking how convoluted it is to force an ad into a place where it doesn't belong but, I assure you dear reader, it's equally as jarring, annoying and needless as my description implies. The Strangers Chapter 1 stops dead for a minute so that the characters can sing the praises of the Ally app. Director Renny Harlin dedicated hours of time and effort among his cast and crew to make sure they got a shot of the app open and Madelaine Petsch talking about how their funds came through. I realize we've become jaded regarding product placement but this is ridiculous.

I legit wanted to walk out because I was so irritated, but I didn't, because I am a professional. I waited until the movie became so interminably boring, then I walked out. The Strangers Chapter 1 is a lazy rehash of tropes from other home invasion movies minus the skill, tension, and scares. After the Ally commercial, Maya and Ryan stop for food at a small town greasy spoon. When they walk in, all of the extras stare at them and it's all framed as if they are all about to kill these outsiders just for stopping in this diner. It's a scene as old as time at this point, small town rednecks who say things like 'Y'all ain't from around here, is ya?'

While they eat, someone messes with their car so it won't start. More redneck creeps offer to fix the car, even as they are obviously the ones who sabotaged it. Ryan is suspicious, Maya is obtuse and the two end up doing an Air B n'B commercial as they manage to book the only available beds in this small town. Our main character couple will be staying at a cabin in the woods. Here, they will be menaced by masked maniacs, assumedly members of the same small town redneck crowd at that diner. Why? Because they like killing out of towners, I guess.

Here's the thing, the makers of The Strangers horror franchise want to make sure that their killers don't have a motivation. It's intended to be mysterious. If they act and kill without reason, the screenwriters can relax and write anything they want without having to resort to actual screenwriting. They don't have to build a story or establish the killers, they just need set pieces that a director can can capture at random and an editing team can assemble in seemingly any order. Add supposedly creepy soundtrack music with big sharp stings to try and surprise the bored audience out of the stupor that set in after the Ally and Air B n'B commercials.

The cynicism of this approach, the laziness is infuriating and eventually, my mind rebelled against the tedium. An hour into the movie, I could not stand the boredom and I left. I went to the lobby and chatted with the managers. I went to Chillis and had a mediocre, far to expensive lunch. And, I took a nap and almost forgot that I had seen a movie. That's because I really had not seen a movie. I'd seen an assemblage of footage that mimicked what a movie is supposed to be.

I walked out, I don't know how it ended and I don't care. This is one of the worst movies of 2024. I can assume, based on my experience of the first hour of the film, it probably ended something like this:

Interior Cabin: Night

Ryan: Why are you doing this?

Stranger: Why not?

Ryan: Wait, I have an idea, grab my phone. Open the Ally App. (Cut to shot of App being opened).

Ryan: (Continues) There's $4000 dollars there. You can have it. And there is no charge to transfer the money anywhere in the world. With Ally, transfer fees are waived, making it easier for family, friends, co-workers or even home invading murderous kidnappers, to transfer needed funds.

Stranger: Wow! That was easy, and there were no transfer fees. The funds are already in my bank account. Thanks for telling me about the Ally app. I can't wait to tell the rest of the gang at the diner how easy it is to transfer funds with no transfer fees.

Stab, stab, stab, stab, dead.

The End.

(This is satire. The critic writing this movie review is not affiliated with Ally or any of its subsidiary businesses. This sketch is for entertainment purposes only, and it is not intended as an endorsement of Ally.)

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