Illyana, Illyana

My name is Illyana Lewis and right now I am being castrated by my grandmother. I love her I really do, but today is not the time. I just lost my mother a week ago and I am still going through this nightmare. She was my best friend, my rock, and my emotional support. Now that she was gone I had no clue how I would make it. As of right now, it was not going well at all. My grandmother, who never agreed with my mother in how I was raised was very disappointed with me. She thought I should be doing more to find a suitable husband to help bring money in for this family. By now I was holding back tears, trying to give the impression that I was listening to her, but at the same time allowing everything she said to go in one ear and out the other.

“Illy, you know that I love you right?” I forced a smile and nodded at her. “I only want what is best for you darling.” I laughed within myself knowing that she has never wanted what was best for me. “Illy, I am prepared to help you out.” Her voice changed when she spoke these words, so much so that it forced me to question it.

“How do you want to me help me, grandmother?”

“Illy, I am prepared to give you $20,000 cash.” When I heard that I was wide awake. I realized this was my ticket to the life I always dreamed about. I could move away and travel and be the writer that I always dreamed about.

“Now Illy, this is for you and your husband.” I sighed at her acknowledgment. “There will be none of this traveling or writing nonsense that your mother always encouraged. It’s foolishness, my dear.” Immediately my good mood was gone as I realized my grandmother was trying to prostitute me away. She didn’t love me and my contempt for her grew at that moment. “These are the stipulations Illy. You turn 18 in about a month. Okay, so you have three weeks to find a husband. Is that clear?”

“Okay, what happens if I don’t find one?” She smiled at me and laughed.

“Oh, that’s easy Illy. You won’t get the money and you’ll be poor because I’ll kick you out.”

“Oh, my gosh grandmother. That is totally not fair.” I raised my voice to challenge her.

“Don’t you sass me, young lady!” My face was quickly flush with heat and there was a pain in my face. I was shocked because mom would never hit me. Tears suddenly started to flow.

“Now dear. Dry your face. You wouldn’t want to be late for school. Time is ticking.” She smiled at me as I grabbed the tissue she gave me. As I walked to school all I could think about was how my life was over. I now had to go to school to find a husband. I was not ready.

This thing is we usually had more time. Growing up my mother told me that most girls were married by 20 years old at the latest, but my mother told me that I could do what I wanted and encouraged me to like other things. I loved her for that, so while the other girls I grew up around were being groomed for marriage I was a free spirit. I rebelled by playing with the boys, writing, jumping, and even performing in plays. Anything to keep me off of the marriage track. I did the minimal to keep grandmother appeased who lived with us so I would not get into trouble. Even that could not save me because here I am.

I was known as a sweet lovable girl. I would smile, wave, and address everybody. I was polite and everybody loved me. Therefore, when I arrived at school and three boys in a thirty-minute window tried to get at me I was not having it. I had to sit inside the stall of a girl’s bathroom. Nobody was in there so I cried. Harder than I ever had before.

From that point on I convinced myself that I would speak to them, but only enough to entertain them, and that was it. It would be enough of an effort to keep my grandmother off of my back. This worked like a charm for two weeks, but I quickly realized that I too needed a plan because if not, I would be homeless in a week.

I was sitting in the courtyard journaling because I was not hungry. Instead, I was enjoying the nice weather and privacy of the moment. “Do you mind if I sit here with you?” At the sound of another person’s voice, I was deeply agitated. However, I gave him a glance over just enough to acknowledge his presence.

“Sure.” It was not the most welcoming or affectionate hello. I was kind of hoping he would leave, but no he stayed.

“Hi, my name is Jeremiah Hall.” I did not look up when he said this, so I did not notice his hand out toward me. “What is your name?” I finally looked up at him and I was rather surprised. He was cute.

“My name is Illy.” I shook his hand and smiled at him to let him know I was paying attention. “I’m sorry about that I was just busy. Don’t mind me.” I laughed it off as I stared at the ground to recompose myself. “I’m sorry I know you just told me, but what is your name?”

“No sweat. It’s Jeremiah.” I shook my head in response to let him know that I had received it. “What are you working on?”

I quickly looked back at my journal and tried to dismiss it. “Oh, this thing. It’s nothing just something I like to keep track of my thoughts in.”

“Cool.” We sat there for a moment in awkward silence. Then Jeremiah broke it with another question. “So is writing something that you like to do all the time?” I was hesitant to answer at first but then decided what did I have to lose.

“It’s a pretty good stress reliever. Plus it allows me to get my thoughts out and keeps my creativity flowing. I love it actually.” Saying this out loud put a smile on my face and I think he noticed. To keep him from noticing I changed the subject. “How about you? What do you like to do?” He looked up into the sky for a moment and then back at me.

“Actually I like photography. It is pretty interesting. I would like to travel someday.” That last statement piqued my interest.

“Really? So do I. Where to?” This changed our conversation as it became more vibrant and engaging. We talked about places we wanted to visit and I even showed him some of my writings. I did not feel pressured and I noticed that I could open up around him and it was such a pleasant feeling. I spent all week at school with him. Our friendship quickly blossomed to the point that I even forgot about my grandmother’s proposal. I did not even care because this easily felt more real.

When I came home from school on Friday I was buzzing. I ran to the fridge to grab a snack and when I closed it there was grandmother. At first glance, she frightened me because she seemed so cold and disconnected that I did not even know who was staring back at me. “You thankless little bitch.” I did not know what to say and was caught off guard.

“Grandmother I do not understand. Wha…” Before I could even finish my sentence. I was knocked to the floor harder than I ever had been before. Both sides of my face were in pain. I could feel the swelling occurring immediately on my right side. Grandmother then put her foot on my throat. “I give you a perfectly rational ultimatum after you’re mother died.” I was struggling at this point from the hit I had just received and from her foot aggressively being placed against my neck. “You’re really pretty Illy, so I know I can work with that. But you think you can stand me up and just ignore the boys I arranged to talk to you. They were fine fits for you and you just disregard them. Then I find out you’re talking to some boy that can do nothing for you.” I still could not talk but I was surprised that she knew what I was doing at school. “I have eyes everywhere sweety, don’t you forget that. Now we are going to rectify this. Alexander, Tony, and Stephen are coming over in thirty minutes. They will spend ample time with you and you will pick one of them today. Do I make myself clear?” At that moment grandmother lifted her foot from my neck. I began coughing and trying to catch my breath when grandmother held up my chin, “I want a verbal answer darling. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes ma’am.” I was fearful and knew it was best for me to just do what she said.

“Good. Now go upstairs and get changed. I have a dress for you in my room. Go get it and get changed in your room.” I was defeated. I walked upstairs with so many thoughts I did not know where to begin. When I got upstairs I saw the dress, but in the corner of the room, I noticed what looked like a safe behind a half-opened doorway. I investigated it and saw the $20,000 grandmother was speaking off. Just below that, I saw this mysterious black book I had never seen before.

I sat down to look at it and I was stunned into silence. I had tears coming out of my eyes at an uncontrollable rate. Everything was here. Grandmother’s deception was all written out. She was responsible for my mother’s death. She was not really my grandmother, she worked for a secret organization that hired out struggling mothers and their children to move us to a secret location to mold us for their purposes. I was shocked that I could hardly keep composure.

“I thought that you would be a good girl and go along with my plan.” I saw grandmother and became frightened.

“You killed my mother! The only person who has ever loved me.” I yelled at her in an uncontrollable rage.

“This is the problem with the truth. You learn so much. It is time to end you now.” She was coming at me and I was paralyzed with fear. She struck at me with the knife but I avoided her, running to the other side of the room. She continued to be the aggressor as she slowly but surely came after me. I looked down to see a sharp piece of wood. I knelt down and as she approached I swiped at her. She began bleeding. I knocked her down, threw away the wood, grabbed the money, and ran out of the house.

My mind was racing at one-hundred miles per hour. I only thought of my friend Jeremiah. The only person I felt I could trust at this point. Fortunately, when I got to his place he answered. I explained to him what happened and told him I was going into hiding until I could find a way out. I only knew him for a week but I felt I owed it to him. Before I left I told him, “Jeremiah?”

“Yes, Illy?”

“When you are free. Promise that you’ll come looking for me.”