Flight of the Blue Jay

Did I do it? That is the strange question running through my mind. Rain drizzled on the stained glass window in front of me. My fingers traced the outline of the blue jay, wishing I could be free from the uncertainty. The stairs behind me creaked, making me jump out of my skin.

“I have your meds, my dear Mina.” My husband Ben mused, passing me a glass of water with a pile of pills. “Please take them.” A lump formed in my throat, his finger tucking my long brown wavy hair behind my ear. His green eyes looked into my copper eyes, my heart skipping a beat. His gray striped suit hugged his slender body, his black shoe shimmered in the yellow light of the pewter gray wall sconces. His light brown hair was slicked back, a pad in his hand.

“I don’t want to do a session.” I whined softly, batting his hand away. “I feel like a canary trapped in a cage begging to be set free.” Ever since the day we met at my favorite cafe, he decided that he was going to be my therapist. Electricity passed between us initially, the magic was now faded. My heart just wasn’t in this relationship anymore, mostly because he would not let me see someone else. His nose scrunched up, his brow cocked angrily. His fists clenched tightly, a frown forming on his lips.

“Now, now my little blue jay.” He cooed, stroking my hair. “You are free. You can leave anytime you want to. We just have to fix your blackouts where you have no idea what you did. Don’t you want that?” Nodding my head, my worn black boot clicked on the creaky floors to his office. The emerald green wallpaper flashed by me, his fingers intertwined with mine. Dark deep wood furniture lined the wall, with pictures of him and his family. The heavy cherry wood door swung open, revealing white walls with light oak furniture. It was a sharp contrast to the rest of the house, right down to the nearly white floor. The room spun around me, sweet darkness enveloping me.

My eyes fluttered open, rain dripping down my face. My blue silk nightgown clung to my clammy hourglass figure. Trees towered over me, gray clouds clearing away. Stars twinkled above me, the rain slowly stopping. Sitting up, panic widened my eyes. In the mess of mud and sticks, lay a single piece of red hair. Struggling to stand, wet mud smacked my face for I had fallen again. Red and blue lights flashed at the entrance of where I was, flashlight beams searching aimlessly through the dark night.

“Put your hands up!” A rough voice ordered, noting that I was lying face down on the mud. Time slowed down as they handcuffed me, tossing me into a cruiser. A look of concern flashed across the young male officer’s face, confusion twisting mine. His gray eyes stared at mine, a horn blasting jerking him awake.

“Why do you look familiar?” He queried, squinting his eyes. Shrugging, he faced the road. Cars sped by, headlights creating a throbbing migraine. Tears welled up in my eyes, my body trembling with raw fear. The scary part was that I had no clue how I got there in the first place. His cruiser peeled into the local brick police station, his strong arms guiding me to the front doors. A shrill off tune bell sang in the office, a click letting us in. Phones rang, beeps, and whispers exploded around me. People stopped talking for a moment to stare at my muddied face. Rolling their eyes, they went back to their regular business. With a steely gaze, he handcuffed me to a cold metal table. Gently, he wiped my face off with a couple of wipes.

Fright gripped his eyes, a large lump forming in his throat.

“What is your name?” He stammered, rushing towards the door. “You know for the station’s sake.” Smiling softly, I sheepishly looked away. Before my lips parted to answer, my boyfriend stomped in. Paralyzing terror gripped my body, pulling my wrists violently against the table. The officer shoved him outside the interrogation room, my anxious eyes bouncing between the two of them. Horror paled my face, my boyfriend’s wrist nailing the cop in the face. His equipment clattering when he hit the concrete floor. The door flew open, fury glowing red on my boyfriend’s face. Keys jingled in his hand, breathing steadily growing harder for me. My chest rose up and down rapidly, a silver blade glinting in his hand. Hot vomit threatened to climb up my throat, his arm to the tip of the blade dripping in blood. Drip, drip, drip. Red blood dripped onto the floor like a leaky faucet. He cracked his neck, unlocking my handcuffs from the table.

“I shan’t be foolish enough to leave you without restraints.” He growled in my ears, his hot whiskey heating the back of my neck. “After all, you keep killing people in your blackouts. You did kill your parents after all.” Hot tears flowed from my eyes, my mind wanting to deny his accusation. That day is a total blank to this day, the answer never coming to me. Malicious intent glowed in his eyes, his black gloved hand lifting up my chin.

“Screw you.” I spat, spitting in his face. “I didn’t do it! At least I don’t think I did it.” A sharp crack echoed in the room, his leather stinging my face. His face was inches from mine, redder than the blood dripping on his blade.

“You would do well to listen, you little brat.” He retorted coolly, cocking his brow. “I watched it with my own eyes.” The cop stirred behind him in the long hallway, groaning quietly. He turned to look at him, rolling his eyes. His tongue slipped from his lips, annoyance creasing his brows.

Taking my chance, my fists slammed into his back. Metallic noises rang out around me, his knife crashing to the ground. Spinning around, he gripped my throat. Air grew more rare the tighter his grip got. Gurgling noises emitted from my lips, hoping that this was the end of my nightmares. A pop cracked the still iron smelling air, his grip loosening. His body thudded to the ground, my collapsing in a small heap of bones. Huffing and puffing, the officer cuffed him to the legs of the table. His kind eyes looked deeply into mine, a crooked grin dancing across his face.

Fright held back my desire to speak to him. Inside I felt like a trapped bird, wings clipped.

“It is okay.” He comforted me, checking me over for injuries. “We are here to help you.” Injured officers limped in, offering me a scratchy wool blanket. Shivering, and fighting the spinning room around me.

“Did I kill my parents, and other people in my blackout?” I mumbled, fighting the urge to pass out. “I don’t think I did.” Their lips parted to answer, only for darkness to embrace me in her sweet arms.

“Little Mina!” My mother called out, holding a glass of red fruit punch in the rose garden. “Come on in. We have someone for you to meet.” My ten year old self in a baby blue dress shyly walked in to see my ten year old boyfriend standing there. His eyes twinkled happily, a sly grin sliding across his pale face.

“I am Raoul Diettey.” He uttered icily, looking back up at his parents. “I don’t see why I have to do this.” They rolled their eyes, crossing their arms. Their dress shoes clicked away, leaving just us. A wicked giggle tumbled from his lips, a small blade glistened in his hand.

“You shouldn’t have that.” I squeaked out, shaking like a leaf. “Sharp objects aren’t meant for children.” He placed his finger on his lips, stalked into the corner of my parents living room. My feet remained stuck to the grass of my lawn, my mind screaming go you fool. Screams exploded in the hot summer air, my muscles jumping alive. My black dress shoes crashed against the ground heading towards the living room. Tears welled up in my eyes, my jaw dropping to the ground. A scream exploded from my lips, my parents lying dead in a pool of their own blood. Long slits lined their throats, a gleeful Raoul standing over my father’s body. Red blood dripped onto my father’s white shirt.

“NO!” I yelled, jerking awake.” He did everything this whole time.” Hot salty tears fell down my cheeks, strong arms wrapping around me. Pushing them off, my eyes took in the white hospital walls. Loud beeps woke me out of my state, my chest aching. Sobs wracked my body, words not coming to my lips.

“He is in custody right now.” The familiar officer promised, patting my head. “You are going to be alright. He's been drugging you all along. The pills gave you blackouts.” Nodding, my future was decided.