DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU

I quickly drove home, I didn't know where I was going but I was running.

I was shaking... and scared. My ears were ringing, I couldn't hear anything, I felt like someone was chasing me.

Gently open the door and gently lead the car into the house.

I try to be as gentle as possible. But my hand still kept shaking, making startling noises in the quiet space.

His eyes appeared in his mind again.

Rushing up to the room, I pulled out a knife wrapped in a layer of raincoat from my pocket.

It was red, but it was a bright red. I wiped it right after stabbing him, but where did so much blood come from?

I trembled, picked up the knife, rinsed it in the sink, stuffed the plastic bag into a black bag, and temporarily put it under the closet.

I think tomorrow I will throw them all away where no one can find them. River. I will throw them into the river. What if someone can salvage it? Don't worry, the river water will wash away all traces. The only thing is, what if someone sees me doing it? I have to go at what time so that as few people notice as few people see..

Cop! pop! Knock. Interrupted my train of thought.

- Russia? Why are you home so late?

I glanced at the clock. - It's only 11 o'clock, I'm turning the water up louder

- Mom was about to call Hung, why are you going out so late?

Hung - his painful face flashed into my head.

In the mirror my face was pale, I looked into my eyes. I see Hung.

- We went to see a concert - I saw his eyes again - Hung took me back to the house, Mom, just go back to sleep, I'm tired too.

- Yes, rest early - The sound of my mother's footsteps going down the stairs gradually faded away.

I covered myself with a blanket and curled up, hugging my knees. A tingling feeling in the shoulder. I closed my eyes but couldn't sleep, the feeling was terrifying. I opened my eyes and cried, hiccuped, and fell asleep without realizing it.

***

The next morning, I went to work very early. I don't want to meet my parents, I'm afraid to look into their eyes.

I wrote a note outside my room "I have breakfast outside. The company is having a project."

I'm afraid they'll find out something.

I don't dare throw that knife away. I'm afraid someone will see me. I locked the door so mom couldn't get in. I hid it under the mattress.

Where I work is very crowded, each person has a corner and their own computer. The main job is to post and collect news, each person has their own piece. Most people rarely communicate with each other, just go to the company and focus on working to meet the quota. No one noticed my expression, I just kept working quietly, still remembering.

I went to his house in the evening. At that time I wanted him to explain. He did not explain but acknowledged. He admitted that he took advantage of me, because I was like the girl he loved but he couldn't have. Right! Now that she accepts him, he no longer needs me.

- She agreed to go on a date with you. We break up! - He says

Why? This was the first time I fell in love, I thought everything was real, I thought he truly loved me. Why did he choose me to take advantage of me, I'm too immature and honest, can't he see? I couldn't say anything, I cried.

- I love you so you feel less lonely. - He hugged me again, lifting my face - You're so beautiful... just like her.

He held a glass of wine and walked out to the balcony. Looking back:

- Go home, just leave the key on the table. - He laughed - From now on I will pretend that nothing happened.

I left quietly. On the table top is a fruit knife. I threw my bag on the ground, rushed to the balcony and stabbed him from behind. He turned around to look at me in pain, and I stabbed him - again.

The phone vibrates. Not mine, the sister next door's. After work, I go out to eat alone.

Chili sauce, tomatoes, everything reminds me of the blood on the knife I stabbed him with.

I vomited and couldn't eat anything.

***

The second day, I tried to leave the house again so as not to encounter my parents.

I work as usual.

Taking advantage of my time to scroll through Facebook, there are friends who still leave messages on his wall, still jokingly invite him through his old statuses, perhaps no one has discovered that he is dead.

I looked at his face on the avatar. He deserves to die. But if only it weren't by my hand.

I turned off the computer and went to eat.

Today I feel more calm. Maybe no one will know what happened. But how will I explain to my parents when his body is discovered? Parents will guess everything. I don't want to hurt my parents.

I shouldn't have killed him.

Sitting at work in the afternoon, I took advantage of Facebook, suddenly I wanted to see his face - for the last time.

Unreachable, unvisible, unfindable.

In other words, his Facebook profile has disappeared from Facebook, who did this? Did his family find out he was dead? Are the police investigating his relationships?

Then I will also be touched. Maybe not, no one related to him knows anything about me. He likes to hide it from me, but few of my friends know. No, they will never denounce me...

I thought on the way home and felt the risk of me being caught was very low. Because in reality, no one knows about our relationship. On the surface, there could be no connection between me and him.

Who would have thought that his coldness, boredom, and contempt for feelings would also be useful. You won't find anything that belongs to me in that house. I think I will get away with it.

***

The third day, I had a good night's sleep since that night.

The knife disappeared. I intend to destroy everything today, a beautiful Saturday. With so many people on the riverbank enjoying the cool breeze, no one would pay attention to me.

But why did the knife disappear? My mother must have taken it...

I ran downstairs to look for my mother, but the first floor was empty.

I ran upstairs to get my phone again.

Because I was sleeping so soundly, I kicked it and fell under the bed.

Picked up the phone. 17 missed calls from Hung's number.

I shivered in horror.

I've been discovered, they'll find me, I have to run away. I'm going to Thailand today, my best friend will help me.

Maybe they just wanted to tell me bad news. Someone among his friends knew about me. I have to calm down like when I'm traveling normally. I wrote a letter to my parents.

I quickly packed my clothes, got my passport, and went to the bank to withdraw money.

I arrived at the airport, there was a flight to Bangkok in two hours, and another half hour before check-in.

I sat and waited in confusion.

The phone rang again from a sister from the same company, I didn't answer.

Ha's phone, My's phone,... why do my friends keep calling me?

I have really been discovered. I have to run away now.

Hurry up time, why is time going so slow right now?

I threw the constantly vibrating phone into the trash. I feel like I'm wanted.

Put on a hood and go to the bathroom.

Passing by a man wearing a trench coat, his face was also covered.

He...smells very familiar. Like the smell of Hung's perfume.

I'm obsessed with him.

***

Returning to the waiting chair, I glanced, the airport was empty today.

Whose newspaper was left on the side chair? "Hate love - kill lover" - The newspaper headline caught my eye.

I quietly picked it up.

"...discovered the victim's body in the garage early this morning. The cause of death is suspected to be due to falling from a height, crushing all internal organs, loss of blood, and rupture of blood vessels in the brain. The investigation agency concluded..."

Things that happen every day really make me shiver.

At this point, I pulled my bag and walked to the automatic door...the door didn't open. I stepped a little closer. The glass door does not open. I moved a little closer.

The door still won't open!

Turn to the oppressive glass advertising poster. Black car advertising poster, I...I can't see myself.

I ran, I ran again to boot the nearest phone. I called my friend My.

- Hello. Who is it? - My

- I'm here. Russia here. I want to ask you...

- Who is it? - My hastily - Who is it? Tell me, may I ask who is on the line?

- It's me, it's Nga, I'm talking to you - I screamed

- Please speak up, who said something? - My continued.

I let go and hung up the phone. I stood frozen in the middle of the airport lobby.

A beautiful sunny Saturday.

I found out - I was dead.

***

"...The investigation agency concluded that the girl was hidden at least from the 10th floor of the building after struggling with the perpetrator. On her body, a blood sample of another person was discovered that the police investigated. Suspected that it was the killer's blood. She had no identification on her body, so the victim's identity has not yet been discovered. The victim was wearing a ring with the word - Hung..."