A Bluffer's Park Nightmare

Scarborough Bluffs has always been one of my favourite places to spend a day since I moved to Ontario 20 years ago. An ancient escarpment that runs 15 kilometres along the lake shore in Toronto's east end, it reaches the equivalent of 25 stories at its highest point. It has long been a sought-out destination for hikers, visitors and photographers looking to explore trails through wetlands, meadows and forests. The incredible scenic views from the top and beaches below make it the ideal destination for anyone looking for an escape from the concrete monolith of the city.

It was also the ideal destination for Maggie and Ron’s annual Halloween bash. Thought of by everyone as the party of the year, we’d been doing it for a decade. They had the best decorations, including fog machines, skeletons in the trees, zombies, creepy carved pumpkins everywhere, and always some sort of terrifying prank that the victim was never ready for. They caused me to have a near heart attack on more than one occasion.

There were no gatherings allowed last Halloween due to Covid, so imagine our excitement when we found out that the party was back on this year. Maggie and her husband Ron bought that house in the Guild 10 years ago when Ron got a promotion at work. It seemed expensive, maybe a little out of their price range, but the fact that it backed onto the bluffs was the major selling point. They HAD to buy that property. All of their friends, me included, were glad they did.

**

I arrived later than usual due to the little ghouls and goblins trick or treating at my building. My second favourite part of Halloween, nothing can beat the joy of costumed children when they get their favourite treats dropped into their little bags or plastic pumpkins.

When I was done handing out the candies, I donned my disguise and headed to the party. Before joining my friends, I took the short walk down the pathway to admire the view over the bluffs. There was a full moon that night, and the fog from Maggie’s mist machines was billowing off the cliffs over the lake, creating an eerie scene that looked like the setting of a cheesy Halloween horror story.

The sounds of Ozzy Osborne greeted me as I walked back up the path; the volume overpowering everything but the sound of Jeff’s boisterous laughter. Rudy was already passed out in a fold-up lawn chair, which was no surprise. He usually started his drinking long before the rest of us and was guaranteed to need a nap at some point. He’d get his hour snooze in, then wake in time to regale us with tales of jumbees, the malevolent entities from Caribbean folklore.

There was the Bacoo, the shape-shifting leprechaun who rewards its “owner” with wealth and answers wishes as long as you feed it a constant supply of milk and bananas. Once you stop, it behaves like a little poltergeist by moving items, pelting homes with rocks and causing general mayhem. The only way to get rid of it is to lure it into a glass bottle, cork it, and throw it in the river. Heaven forbid anyone finds and uncorks it. They would then be stuck with it.

Then there was the Moongazer, an unusually tall man who only appears during a full moon. He stands with hands-on-hips straddling a road or the edges of a cliff and is often accused of terrorizing rural villages by standing on the road while gazing upwards at the moon. When anyone tries to pass through his legs, he closes them and crushes the person to death.

We always chuckled when Rudy claimed to have some spiritual connection to the unknown, but when he told me that a jumbie had been released and I should leave my shoes outside to confuse him and prevent him from entering my home, I did exactly as instructed. The jumbie, who doesn’t have feet, would spend the night trying to fit in the shoes, he said, so he would not enter your home. I could only laugh the next morning when the superintendent knocked on my door to ask why my boots were in the hallway. When he was done with his stories, Rudy would pick up his guitar and serenade us with R&B and Motown tunes. The voice of an angel with tales of the devil - that was Rudy.

I laughed as I walked by Jeff, belting out, "we're going off the rails on a crazy train." “You're already there, my friend," I shouted. Maggie was replenishing the ice in the coolers, so I headed back to the house to help her with the delivery. She was always so busy. It seemed that she never took time to sit and enjoy herself much, but enjoy herself she did. Always the caretaker, that’s Maggie.

Rudy awakened and let out a blood-curdling squeal “JUMBIE, JUMBIE” he shouted. I assumed he was trying to prank us before telling his tales or was still half asleep, so I laughed. He didn't stop, though, just kept howling that word and pointing towards me. He seemed genuinely terrified, and he was looking right at me. Still unsure if this was a joke, I yelled back, “Ok Rudy, that’s enough," to no response. Suddenly everyone else started screaming with him. Jeff's eyes were bulging, and his face was ghostly white as he was backing away. When he tripped over the cooler and I tried to help him up, he screeched at me to leave him alone, picked himself up, and started to run. Everybody was running. I had no idea what they were trying to escape from, but one thing I knew for sure was it was no longer funny.

My friends kept looking back in my direction as they were racing away. I was running too, petrified, but had no idea of what. I felt that the thing was gaining on me. Whatever was chasing us was right behind me. I could feel its hot breath and smell its disgusting, rancid odour on top of me. I fell to the ground as if my legs were cut from under me. It had caught me. I cried to my friends for help as the thing was tearing off my left arm, but they were still fleeing, still looking back, screaming, still running straight toward the cliff.

*****

STOP! I am jolted awake, panting, heart-pounding, lying on the floor in an empty room. I have no idea if what I just saw was real or a nightmare. I don’t know what day it is or even what month it is. I have no clue where I am. I look around to survey my environment and realize I am at home in my bedroom, on the floor. There is nothing here, no bed, no dressers, no furniture of any kind. The pictures on my wall are gone. Where are my beloved Batemans? I’m getting more confused as I look around, trying to piece together what happened. I lay there for what seems like an eternity, but it’s not coming back to me. I'm pretty sure by now that it wasn't a dream, but how did I get here? What happened to my friends? I’m coming up with nothing. I decided to check my diary to see if I had recorded any recent events. I pick up the tablet, sit back against the wall, and click open the diary:

June 3, 2021

I’m going for my second Covid shot today. After the madness of the last year and a half, I will be happy to get this over with and start the road back to normal.

June 10, 2021

I took a drive down to the bluffs today. It’s not the sunny day that was forecast, but sitting there on the bench, watching the fog roll in over the lake, gives such a soothing calm. It’s the one place in Toronto that reminds me of home. I started to reminisce about my last vacation and plan a trip back to Newfoundland someday soon. I’m really looking forward to sitting by the ocean again.

June 14, 2021

I’m heading out to my MRI appointment this morning. I'm kind of nervous but hoping for a simple explanation of why I keep getting these damn headaches. I hope I don't get too claustrophobic.

June 19, 2021,

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm getting worried. I’ve had such a strange feeling in my head the last few days. Not a headache, per se, just a weird feeling I can’t explain.

June 27, 2021

I still don’t have results on the MRI. Doctor is not even returning my calls. What the hell is going on? If he’s on vacation, you’d think the staff would tell me. I still have this strange feeling in my head and can’t get an explanation as to why. I feel spaced out like I'm stoned or something. I don't understand it, but I guess I should be grateful the headaches have disappeared.

July 3, 2021

This is ridiculous. I still can’t get hold of my doctor. I’m getting really pissed off and feel like making a formal complaint. Also, it's my birthday, and not one person has called or texted me with greetings. I’m starting to feel like I’ve disappeared off the face of the earth.

July 4, 2021

I'm getting terrified. Maybe the MRI did show something ominous like a tumour. Perhaps the doctor did tell me, and I just don't realize it. Maybe my friends did call me yesterday, and I just don't remember. What the hell is wrong with me?

August 7, 2021

Sorry diary, I know it’s been a while. I just haven’t been myself lately. I’m feeling kind of empty inside, constant brain fog, no energy. I don’t even know what to say anymore. Still haven’t heard from my doctor. My friends are ghosting me. My Mom is refusing to talk to me. I don’t know what I did to piss her off, but she won’t even acknowledge me when I’m sitting next to her on the couch. This is all so depressing.

September 1, 2021

Holy Crap! I may have figured out what’s wrong with me.

GUYS, I THINK I MIGHT BE DEAD.

It’s all starting to make sense now. I did get that MRI after my vaccine. Did I explode on the table? Were my nerves fried from those magnetic nanoparticles? Did my brain disintegrate? All my friends who were ghosting me, was it because I actually am a ghost? Is my Mom not talking to me because I’m not really here? Did nobody wish me a happy birthday because I am truly dead?

Sept 9, 2021

OK, I'm back. At least I think I am. My maggot-infested brain is getting foggier every day, so I’m not really sure if I’m typing this or notewoiruweqa;lvljzx .

Sept 10, 2021

Sorry about yesterday; I had a few fingers fall off and couldn’t type. I've now installed a voice to type software, so I can continue, at least until the maggots eat into the last remaining quadrants of my brain.

Sept 18, 2021

So, I had a pretty weird day yesterday, as if my existence is not already weird enough. I answered a knock on the door. I was sure the caller would look straight past me to speak to Mom, as had happened with previous visitors. However, I think this one saw me. He was a delivery man. When he looked at me, pure terror came over his face, and he ran screaming down the hallway, forgetting to hand me the package. I tried chasing after him, but my right foot fell off; I tripped over it and landed on my face. It didn't really hurt, but I'm having difficulty reattaching it, along with my nose, which also fell off on contact with the floor. Do you think super glue would work?

September 23, 2021

There’s a strange smell that follows me everywhere. I don’t understand where it’s coming from. I’ve cleaned the entire house. I shower several times daily. Yesterday, my cat jumped on me, starting scratching furiously, and positioned herself to have a shit. Do I smell like a fucking litter box? Excuse me; I have to puke.

September 20, 2021

My skin is so dry now, and it's falling off in clumps. No amount of lotion helps. There are welts and weird-looking putrid scars all over my legs. On a good note, I no longer grow hair, so I don't have to shave. Yay me!

Sept 30, 2021

I've never felt so exhausted in my life or my afterlife. It may be nearing the time when I will no longer be able to update you on my post mortem experience. I lost my left arm yesterday and my left leg the day before, so it's getting complicated to maneuver my rotting corpse to the computer. My energy is sapped, as sapped as I was by that MRI machine. No, wait a minute, that’s zapped.

Oct 10, 2021

I saw my brother today. He came to clear out my apartment. Mom will be moving in with him now. I was hoping that they would take me too, but they didn't. They left me here to fend for myself, knowing full well I had no legs and only one arm. How am I to survive on my own? I get my sustenance by rolling around in the food my mom drops on the floor, and the cat puke. I absorb it through my skin. Oh, don't be so judgemental! You’re grossed out by cat puke, are you? I’m a rotting corpse. It’s not like anyone is feeding me filet mignon. Even if they did, it would fall out of the massive hole in my abdomen.

Oct 11, 2021

Thankfully, when my family deserted me yesterday, taking all of my belongings with them, they missed my tablet. It's the only way I can communicate now. It doesn't have voice to type software, so I have to type manually with the one finger I have left, the same finger I showed my mom and brother as they were walking out the door.

Oct 16, 2021

I’m getting weaker by the day. I am but a stump now. I try to walk on my one remaining arm, but I keep tripping over my gigantic tits. Of course, those fuckers would be the last to rot. I always hated them when I was alive, and they’re still huge pains in the ass now that I'm dead. Come to think of it; I guess they are my ass now since there’s not much left of me below the thorax.

October 23, 2021

Hello, again, diary. I just want to let you know I'm still here. I’m barely hanging on now. The fog in my brain is getting denser by the day. Not sure how many more entries I can write before I’m gone.

Oct 30, 2021

I'm feeling great today. I don't know what it is, but something is giving me a massive burst of energy. My spirit has been rejuvenated. I can walk again, believe it or not. I don’t actually have legs, as previously mentioned, but it seems there’s some type of spiritual energy that’s allowing me to move with ease. I have been resurrected. I am the phoenix. I think I may even be able to fly. Shit! I crashed into the ceiling and lost a rib.

Oct 31, 2021

Maggie and Ron’s big Halloween bash is tonight. I didn’t get invited, but I wonder if I should just make an appearance anyway. I won’t even need a costume. I’ll just go as a stinking carcass.

*****

Nov 1, 2021

Oh my God! It wasn't a dream, or was it? I'm still not sure; maybe I should call Maggie.

Nov 3, 2021

It definitely wasn’t a dream. Three of my friends fell to their deaths by running off the cliff at the Bluffs. Maggie, Ron and Rudy are gone. Jeff is in hospital. Thankfully, he’s going to be ok. He fell off the edge as well but got snagged on a tree branch just a few meters down and was rescued. He's fortunate to be alive. When he was questioned by police, Jeff told the detective they saw a zombie, that looked a lot like their deceased friend. They were all running away from it and didn't realize how close to the edge they were until it was too late. Was it me they were running away from? Did I just kill my friends? I don’t think I look that bad. So what if I’m just a stump with festering holes over the few bits that remain. I’m still me, right? It’s lonely being dead. I just wanted to have some fun. The good news is we can have next year’s party in the cemetery. It will be a real graveyard smash. Oh, stop it! Of course, it’s callous and cheesy. I have no heart, and my brain is cheddar, remember?

Nov 5, 2021

Three of my friends’ funerals are today. I wasn’t invited, but I wonder if I should make an appearance anyway.

****

This story is not meant to be disrespectful to people who choose not to be vaccinated. I fully agree that everybody has a right to choose. I simply saw a post on social media that I found amusing and decided to run with it. I also know it not to be true as I did have an MRI after being vaccinated, and as far as I know, I’m still alive.