Why Richard Burke is a bad guy

Richard Burke. Best friend of Monica's father. A man 21 years her senior. Considered the love of her life until she and Chandler overtakes that position.

I've always felt uncomfortable with Richard and Monica being together, and it's not only because of their significant age gap. My main concern is that he knew her when she was a child.

When Monica was a child

He was a family friend, potentially referred to as, uncle Richard, most likely as, Dr Burke. He was her family optometrist, and her fathers close friend. Monica grew up along side his children, going to school with them and on vacations. We even learn she once peed in his pool. Then once she is of age, they get together. This is concerning.

I can't imagine hooking up with my friends dad, or my dads friend, no matter how "dreamy" he may be. Not only is their age gap significant, but he saw her grow from child, through puberty, to woman. That is the creepiest bit.

When Monica was an adult

I feel we have to assume there was some grooming behaviour going on in order bring her on board with dating this man she sees as her fathers equal. Potentially we can blame it on daddy issues; Monica sees Richard as the father lover she never had as her own father semi ignores here, plus this man is close to her father so it may be an opportunity to grow closer to him. But that's not enough for me.

I think Monica was in love with him because she saw him as a generous, kind man, who cares about her, and their age gap didn't matter to her because she just wants to be loved. But I think Richard was in love with Monica because it propped up his ego to see a younger woman fall for him, especially in the midst of a mid life crisis and divorce.

Richard was a man who had only ever been with the woman he recently divorced, so sleeping with this woman he and his wife saw grow up, gave him a sense of power.

They ended up breaking it off because Monica wanted kids and a family - a life Richard had finished living.

They have a few flings over the next few years as they try to get over each other, but I can't help but see Richard as the constant villain here. Monica is more easily manipulated by him and wants to feel secure. Richard should see this and be better. Not because he's a man, but because he's older and should be wiser. But he's not. He's selfish and only looking to get his nut out.

When Monica was about to get engaged

We all know Monica and Chandler end up together, but a lot of people forget that Richard made a move on Monica when he knew she was with Chandler.

He approaches her in her restaurant and proclaims his love for her. He tells her he's willing to give her the marriage and babies she wants, and that he now wants that too. He proposes on the spot and he knows she and Chandler are serious and on that path. He is selfish and conniving, pushing Monica into accepting his proposal.

When Richard is confronted by Chandler, he eventually lets her go, but isn't happy about it. If we watch this scene in S6 Ep24&25 - we see he is more concerned with his own happiness over Monicas. He is salty that he has to be a good person and put someone else's happiness over his own.

CONCLUSION

I don't think Richard did anything bad intentionally, but love does not excuse this negative and possessive behaviour.