Which of the Original 151 Pokémon Would I Eat?
I mean, wouldn't you?
Bulbasaur - Yes.
Ivysaur - Yes.
Venusaur - No. Looks rotten.
Charmander - Yes.
Charmeleon - Yes.
Charizard - Yes.
Squirtle - Yes.
Wartortle - Yes.
Blastoise - Yes.
Caterpie - No.
Metapod - No.
Butterfree - No.
Weedle - No.
Kakuka - No.
Beedrill - No, but I would hunt it for sport.
Pidgey - Yes.
Pidgeotto - Yes.
Pidgeot - Yes.
Rattata - Yes.
Raticate - Yes.
Spearow - Yes.
Fearow - Yes.
Ekans - Yes.
Arbok - No.
Pikachu - Yes. I’ve always wanted to eat a mascot.
Raichu - No.
Sandshrew - Yes.
Sandslash - Yes.
Nidoran (F) - No.
Nidorina - No.
Nidoqueen - Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking of.
Nidoran (M) - No.
Nidorino - No.
Nidoking - Yes, and definitely in the way you’re thinking of.
Clefairy - Yes. It would be totally rad to eat an alien.
Clefable - Yes.
Vulpix - Yes.
Ninetales - Yes, and I would gladly accept the curse it dispenses as a result.
Jigglypuff - Yes.
Wigglytuff - No. Seems too fatty.
Zubat - Who am I, Ozzy Osbourne? Hell no.
Golbat - No.
Oddish - And eat healthy for once in my life? I think I would die if I ate a vegetable.
Gloom - Just looks gross, no.
Vileplume - Doesn’t look edible. No.
Paras - I feel like I could boil it like a lobster.
Parasect - Yes, but I wonder if its brain-eating parasites could infect humans and cause the next zombie apocalypse.
Venonat - Pass.
Venomoth - No.
Diglett - I feel like I could pop them like mini-sausages.
Dugtrio - Three mini-sausages!
Meowth - I think it would be morally wrong to eat a cat.
Persian - Yeah, I’d eat this smarmy bastard.
Psyduck - Hell yes.
Golduck - I don’t know, soon as it evolves, it looks a little less edible.
Mankey - I’m sure this would be a delicacy somewhere.
Primeape - No, because this thing evolves when it dies now, and that sounds morally wrong.
Growlithe - I think it would be morally wrong to eat a dog.
Arcanine - But I think this thing has some good meat on its bones.
Poliwag - Yeah, I’d slurp this thing up through a straw.
Poliwhirl - Maybe not this one.
Poliwrath - Did you know those swirls on this thing’s stomach are its intestines? Idk, I don’t think I could eat something if I saw its intestines.
Abra - It would be like eating a small gifted child. Maybe.
Kadabra - No, only because it might be that one kid in the Pokedex who woke up transformed into one of these things.
Alakazam - Yes, but only for the experience of eating something smarter than me.
Machop - It would be like eating a small monkey. Maybe.
Machoke - It would be like eating a male stripper. Maybe.
Machamp - It would be like eating a four-armed male stripper. Maybe.
Bellsprout - This thing looks edible.
Weepinbell - Naw. It could eat me, though, I wouldn’t mind.
Victreebel - Nope.
Tentacool - Ew, no.
Tentacruel - Ew, no, pt. 2.
Geodude - No, I would not eat a rock.
Graveler - No.
Golem - No.
Ponyta - I mean, I had horse jerky once in Ukraine and it was actually really good.
Rapidash - Self-frying horse meat. I’d eat it.
Slowpoke - I think these are a delicacy in Johto, so, yeah, I’d try.
Slowbro - I don’t know, feels like once it gains some sentience, it stops being edible.
Magnemite - No.
Magneton - No.
Farfetch’d - I’d roast the hell out of this duck.
Doduo - All birds are generally a yes.
Dodrio - Yes.
Seel - Yes.
Dewgong - Yes.
Grimer - If I hated myself.
Muk - This is literally just Aramark food.
Shellder - Yes.
Cloyster - Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking.
Gastly - I think it would taste like a fart.
Haunter - No. But where do Ghost Pokemon go when they die?
Gengar - Is it, like, a second plane of the afterlife? Do they become ghosts of ghosts? Why did Nintendo create an entire type of Pokemon based around being dead?
Onix - No.
Drowzee - You know, I think this would taste pretty good.
Hypno - Becomes less edible when it starts looking more human.
Krabby - Yes.
Kingler - Yes.
Voltorb - No.
Electrode - No.
Exeggcute - I mean, this is literally just a half-dozen eggs.
Exeggutor - I bet its heads are delicious.
Cubone - It would be like eating a small orphan child.
Marowak - I don’t think so.
Hitmonlee & Hitmonchan - It would be like eating another human. These are literally just people in costumes. Why would I do that?
Lickitung - I would suck its tongue up like a Fruit Rollup.
Koffing - Yikes, no.
Weezing - Double-yikes, no. This Pokemon literally evolves when it develops cancer.
Rhyhorn - No.
Rhydon - No.
Chansey - Yeah, but only as punishment for being so hard to find.
Tangela - I bet its vines are like noodles.
Kangaskhan - Why are these things born with fully-formed babies in their pouches? I’m not hungry, I’m just curious.
Horsea - No, I don’t think I could look in those eyes and follow through with it.
Seadra - Actually, no, this thing sucks. I’d eat it.
Goldeen - Yes.
Seaking - Yes.
Staryu - Yes.
Starmie - Yes.
Mr. Mime - I don’t care for French cuisine.
Scyther - No.
Jynx - Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh–
Electabuzz - No.
Magmar - Self-frying duck. Would eat.
Pinsir - No.
Tauros - Absolutely.
Magikarp - Yep.
Gyarados - I bet these things are delicious.
Lapras - Depends on if they’re still endangered. If they are, then, uh, yes.
Ditto - [insert your answer here]
Eevee - I mean, I don’t think it’s morally right to eat whatever the hell this thing is.
Vaporeon - Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon eating, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans?
Jolteon - No.
Flareon - Self-frying dog. Would eat– I mean, uh–
Porygon - I’ve always wanted to eat raw data.
Omanyte - I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to eat God.
Omastar - Naw, too dead.
Kabuto - No.
Kabutops - No.
Aerodactyl - Just doesn’t look tasty.
Snorlax - I don’t know, it just looks too fatty.
Articuno - Absolutely.
Zapdos - No doubt.
Moltres - Yet another self-frying bird. I desire.
Dratini - Yes.
Dragonair - Yes.
Dragonite - I feel like it would be more fun to hunt for sport.
Mewtwo - I’ve always wanted to eat a Dan Green character.
Mew - And I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to eat Pokemon-Jesus.
I will accept no comments.
About the Creator
Steven Christopher McKnight
Disillusioned twenty-something trying to meander his way through this abject mess of a world. Aspiring garden hermit. Future ghost of a drowned hobo.
I mean these are all super valid. Just saying.