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Which of the Original 151 Pokémon Would I Eat?

I mean, wouldn't you?

By Steven Christopher McKnightPublished 3 months ago 6 min read
Which of the Original 151 Pokémon Would I Eat?
Photo by Mikel | ᜋᜒᜃᜒᜎ᜔ on Unsplash

Bulbasaur - Yes.

Ivysaur - Yes.

Venusaur - No. Looks rotten.

Charmander - Yes.

Charmeleon - Yes.

Charizard - Yes.

Squirtle - Yes.

Wartortle - Yes.

Blastoise - Yes.

Caterpie - No.

Metapod - No.

Butterfree - No.

Weedle - No.

Kakuka - No.

Beedrill - No, but I would hunt it for sport.

Pidgey - Yes.

Pidgeotto - Yes.

Pidgeot - Yes.

Rattata - Yes.

Raticate - Yes.

Spearow - Yes.

Fearow - Yes.

Ekans - Yes.

Arbok - No.

Pikachu - Yes. I’ve always wanted to eat a mascot.

Raichu - No.

Sandshrew - Yes.

Sandslash - Yes.

Nidoran (F) - No.

Nidorina - No.

Nidoqueen - Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking of.

Nidoran (M) - No.

Nidorino - No.

Nidoking - Yes, and definitely in the way you’re thinking of.

Clefairy - Yes. It would be totally rad to eat an alien.

Clefable - Yes.

Vulpix - Yes.

Ninetales - Yes, and I would gladly accept the curse it dispenses as a result.

Jigglypuff - Yes.

Wigglytuff - No. Seems too fatty.

Zubat - Who am I, Ozzy Osbourne? Hell no.

Golbat - No.

Oddish - And eat healthy for once in my life? I think I would die if I ate a vegetable.

Gloom - Just looks gross, no.

Vileplume - Doesn’t look edible. No.

Paras - I feel like I could boil it like a lobster.

Parasect - Yes, but I wonder if its brain-eating parasites could infect humans and cause the next zombie apocalypse.

Venonat - Pass.

Venomoth - No.

Diglett - I feel like I could pop them like mini-sausages.

Dugtrio - Three mini-sausages!

Meowth - I think it would be morally wrong to eat a cat.

Persian - Yeah, I’d eat this smarmy bastard.

Psyduck - Hell yes.

Golduck - I don’t know, soon as it evolves, it looks a little less edible.

Mankey - I’m sure this would be a delicacy somewhere.

Primeape - No, because this thing evolves when it dies now, and that sounds morally wrong.

Growlithe - I think it would be morally wrong to eat a dog.

Arcanine - But I think this thing has some good meat on its bones.

Poliwag - Yeah, I’d slurp this thing up through a straw.

Poliwhirl - Maybe not this one.

Poliwrath - Did you know those swirls on this thing’s stomach are its intestines? Idk, I don’t think I could eat something if I saw its intestines.

Abra - It would be like eating a small gifted child. Maybe.

Kadabra - No, only because it might be that one kid in the Pokedex who woke up transformed into one of these things.

Alakazam - Yes, but only for the experience of eating something smarter than me.

Machop - It would be like eating a small monkey. Maybe.

Machoke - It would be like eating a male stripper. Maybe.

Machamp - It would be like eating a four-armed male stripper. Maybe.

Bellsprout - This thing looks edible.

Weepinbell - Naw. It could eat me, though, I wouldn’t mind.

Victreebel - Nope.

Tentacool - Ew, no.

Tentacruel - Ew, no, pt. 2.

Geodude - No, I would not eat a rock.

Graveler - No.

Golem - No.

Ponyta - I mean, I had horse jerky once in Ukraine and it was actually really good.

Rapidash - Self-frying horse meat. I’d eat it.

Slowpoke - I think these are a delicacy in Johto, so, yeah, I’d try.

Slowbro - I don’t know, feels like once it gains some sentience, it stops being edible.

Magnemite - No.

Magneton - No.

Farfetch’d - I’d roast the hell out of this duck.

Doduo - All birds are generally a yes.

Dodrio - Yes.

Seel - Yes.

Dewgong - Yes.

Grimer - If I hated myself.

Muk - This is literally just Aramark food.

Shellder - Yes.

Cloyster - Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking.

Gastly - I think it would taste like a fart.

Haunter - No. But where do Ghost Pokemon go when they die?

Gengar - Is it, like, a second plane of the afterlife? Do they become ghosts of ghosts? Why did Nintendo create an entire type of Pokemon based around being dead?

Onix - No.

Drowzee - You know, I think this would taste pretty good.

Hypno - Becomes less edible when it starts looking more human.

Krabby - Yes.

Kingler - Yes.

Voltorb - No.

Electrode - No.

Exeggcute - I mean, this is literally just a half-dozen eggs.

Exeggutor - I bet its heads are delicious.

Cubone - It would be like eating a small orphan child.

Marowak - I don’t think so.

Hitmonlee & Hitmonchan - It would be like eating another human. These are literally just people in costumes. Why would I do that?

Lickitung - I would suck its tongue up like a Fruit Rollup.

Koffing - Yikes, no.

Weezing - Double-yikes, no. This Pokemon literally evolves when it develops cancer.

Rhyhorn - No.

Rhydon - No.

Chansey - Yeah, but only as punishment for being so hard to find.

Tangela - I bet its vines are like noodles.

Kangaskhan - Why are these things born with fully-formed babies in their pouches? I’m not hungry, I’m just curious.

Horsea - No, I don’t think I could look in those eyes and follow through with it.

Seadra - Actually, no, this thing sucks. I’d eat it.

Goldeen - Yes.

Seaking - Yes.

Staryu - Yes.

Starmie - Yes.

Mr. Mime - I don’t care for French cuisine.

Scyther - No.

Jynx - Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh–

Electabuzz - No.

Magmar - Self-frying duck. Would eat.

Pinsir - No.

Tauros - Absolutely.

Magikarp - Yep.

Gyarados - I bet these things are delicious.

Lapras - Depends on if they’re still endangered. If they are, then, uh, yes.

Ditto - [insert your answer here]

Eevee - I mean, I don’t think it’s morally right to eat whatever the hell this thing is.

Vaporeon - Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon eating, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans?

Jolteon - No.

Flareon - Self-frying dog. Would eat– I mean, uh–

Porygon - I’ve always wanted to eat raw data.

Omanyte - I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to eat God.

Omastar - Naw, too dead.

Kabuto - No.

Kabutops - No.

Aerodactyl - Just doesn’t look tasty.

Snorlax - I don’t know, it just looks too fatty.

Articuno - Absolutely.

Zapdos - No doubt.

Moltres - Yet another self-frying bird. I desire.

Dratini - Yes.

Dragonair - Yes.

Dragonite - I feel like it would be more fun to hunt for sport.

Mewtwo - I’ve always wanted to eat a Dan Green character.

Mew - And I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to eat Pokemon-Jesus.

I will accept no comments.


About the Creator

Steven Christopher McKnight

Disillusioned twenty-something trying to meander his way through this abject mess of a world. Aspiring garden hermit. Future ghost of a drowned hobo.

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Comments (1)

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  • Kayla Lindley2 months ago

    I mean these are all super valid. Just saying.

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