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What Your Favorite Stars Wars Characters Eat for Breakfast

by Sarah Quinn 5 years ago in art / food / list / pop culture / star wars

It’s the most important trilogy of the day.

Star Wars is known for being groundbreaking and innovative in many, many ways, but I think it’s safe to say that delicious intergalactic cuisine is not one of them. From those nasty space frogs Jabba slurps up to that fish stick thing Yoda finds in Luke’s mess kit, most Star Wars food looks pretty unsavory. Exceptions: when Darth Vader shows up on Cloud City, he appears to be seated at a banquet table of acceptable looking dishes, and the granola bar stick that Leia shares with Wicket looks ok. Also, try to honestly tell me that you've never wanted to try blue milk (my research tells me it’s actually Bantha milk, which I think just put me off the idea forever). Generally speaking though, I think the characters from Star Wars would be thrilled to try more palatable foods from our world if they had the chance. Here’s what some of your favorites and mine might eat for breakfast on an imaginary vacation to planet Earth.

Luke Skywalker - Marshmallow Mateys 

If you’re not familiar with the Malt-o-Meal knock-off version of Lucky Charms, I feel bad for ya, son. They’re basically your number one breakfast of choice if you’re a) still living at home b) using the meal plan at your college’s dining center c) loved Malt O’ Meal cereal before it was cool and way overpriced. The main difference between Lucky Charms and Marshmallow Mateys is that Marshmallow Mateys is grittier (think sandy, like Tatooine, so no problem for Luke, who probably consumed more sand than actual food) and most of its marshmallow shapes are anchors (sure, a nautical theme works well for a world in which everyone travels by ship). ALSO: they turn your milk blue, which is the way Luke likes it best. Now let me be clear - this is obviously what Luke might eat BEFORE he became a serious all-black-wearing Jedi master in Return of the Jedi. Think of him spooning these in while whining about going to pick up some power converters at the Tosche station.

Han Solo - Western Omelet  

This is a man’s man’s meal, not some sissy diet stuff. Probably the best thing about a Western omelet is that you can easily shoot first and eat the most important meal of the day at the same time. Loaded up cowboy style with diced ham, sauteed onions, and some green bell peppers, it’s not exactly the most genteel thing to eat for breakfast, but it will help you make the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs. Once you’ve flipped it skillfully onto your plate, add some hot sauce (not that I’m saying Harrison Ford needs to get any hotter - that’s not even possible).

Yoda - Green Tea 

Yoda always makes me think of an isolated Zen master, taking refuge from the world on a planet that’s not exactly a popular tourist destination. He’s not known for being a great cook (remember that sketchy rootleaf stew that Luke tries to choke down in Yoda’s hut on Dagobah?), so I’m guessing the best part of his day would start with a calming cup of green tea, which many people consider to be the healthiest drink in the world. I mean come on. How do you think he lived to be nine hundred years old? I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I’d be willing to be it wasn’t a greasy fast food breakfast sandwich washed down with a scalding hot coffee on the way to the office. Not pointing fingers, just saying. Oh, and speaking of that infamous stew Yoda concocted, if you're feeling brave you can try a recipe that was created by world famous chef Craig Claiborne for the 1983 10-part Empire Strikes Back radio drama (ah...fond childhood memories).

C-3PO - Soft-Boiled Eggs and Toast Soldiers

"Thank the maker! This boiled egg is going to taste so good." Can you think of anything more British than a soft-boiled egg, cooked to perfection, with some dainty toast soldiers to dip in the yolk? Maybe beans on toast, or toad in a hole. But I enjoy imagining C-3PO with those awkward pointy elbows and mechanical fingers nibbling away at a proper egg and toast meal like this one (if human food was something he could consume). While C-3PO isn’t technically British, the accent definitely makes me imagine a nervous English butler in the vein of P.G. Wodehouse’s Jeeves.

Princess Leia - Protein Shake 

When Princess Leia wakes up in the morning, she hits the ground running (with impeccable hair, no less). She has diplomatic missions from Alderaan to complete, secret discs to stow in R2 units, garbage compactors to escape to (and from), walking carpets to get out of the way, and long-lost forgotten brothers to kiss half an hour after she’s met them. Who knows when she’s going to get around to lunch with all that going on? Not the type to dawdle over eggs Benedict and a fruit plate, she’d no doubt toss some bananas, almond milk, protein powder and ice in a blender and call it good. (Note: Princess Leia would NOT drink her smoothie out of a Mason jar with a stripey straw, because that is precious, and Princess Leia is a tough, capable military leader - even if she does sometimes need a little bit of rescuing.)

Lando Calrissian - Cheesy Grits 

When you go to Cloud City, you get Lando Calrissian - and if you’re Princess Leia, that means gritting your teeth through all his cheesy pick up lines ("You truly belong here with us among the clouds," for example). So clearly, Lando is best represented by a big ol’ bowl of cheesy grits (heavy on the butter, of course). We’ll assume you’re getting this at a diner in Tennessee on Sunday morning, so that means you also get buttered biscuits the side of your head, a ham steak, and lots of y’alls. It might be a little hard to choke down, but just remember - it’s not his fault!

Chewbacca - Bacon

Once when I was staying at a hotel that served a complimentary breakfast, I was standing there in line to make my waffle when I noticed a woman nearby who had piled her plate high with approximately 17 individual strips of bacon. And nothing else. Now, Wookiees are omnivores, so conceivably they could eat anything that we could for breakfast, but remember that part in Return of the Jedi when the Ewoks set a trap with that animal carcass and Chewbacca totally freaks out? That’s a Wookiee who loves him some meat. In case you wanted some bacon too and object to him taking it all, just remember, Wookiees are known to pull people’s arms out their sockets. Choose wisely.

Jabba the Hutt - Pop Tarts

Ok, I know, in the movies we only ever see Jabba the Hutt eating Klatooine paddy frogs in flavored brandy (aren’t you SO glad you know what those are now? Impress your friends!). But if these Han Solo in Carbonite Pop Tarts were real and not just incredibly clever resin art from Texas-based Falcon Toys, I think he’s be all over these. They look sufficiently fattening for his tastes, and there’s nothing Jabba likes as much as humiliating and punishing his enemies. And unlike Klatooine paddy frogs, they won’t scream before you eat them. Get more deets on the amazing art here, but let me warn you in advance - there were only 15 made and they’re definitely all sold out (put these on your Ultimate Star Wars Collector’s Watchlist).

Anakin Skywalker - Scrambled Eggs

Because sometimes when you wake up in the morning, you just have a hankering to kill all the younglings. Ok, not YOU, because you’re a normal, emotionally stable person who, even under extreme stress and the loss of a beloved family member, would probably not go on a rampage and murder baby sand people. Just imagine how angry Anakin would be if he found sand *shudder* in his eggs…so coarse and rough and irritating! (Kind of like, say, every single moment of dialogue between Anakin and Padme we were forced to endure in Episode II.)

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Sarah Quinn

I'm a writer in love with India, Stars Wars, fantasy, travel, and Thai curries. My childhood heroes were Luke Skywalker and Joan of Arc. I muse on superheroes, sci-fi, feminism, and more.

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