Reasons Why I'm so Inspired by Critical Role- Part Two

Hello everyone. As you may know, months ago, I wrote about what kind of fandom and escapism from reality/fantasy. Things that I felt inspired by any fandom. Mine was really hard to pick. Yes, it was overwhelming at the last minute.

I wasn't expecting it and wasn't prepared for the last days before it was due. At least I did my best. So I'm writing about what something inspired me from Critical Role part two. And yeah, I knew that part one was very challenging.

There are some extra things that I didn't share on my first one. More things about Keyleth(Marisha Ray) but on “Legend of Vox Machina” (animated series), it's even more inspiring for me. One of the biggest issues is when she is completely frozen. It means that she has freeze responses when danger approaches and is in a difficult situation, just like the blue dragon. Yes, it was terrifying. Just like my first one, Same as Keyleth, I still have those panic attacks, difficult belief in myself and so many chaotic things in my head. The biggest moments from episode four to episode eleven it's when Kelyeth proves herself to her team and she stands up, especially “you're their light now ''. Thanks for Georgia Dow and her video “The Legend of Vox Machina: Keyleth Owning It — Therapist Reacts!”

There are some more reasons I felt inspired by even some more Critical Role characters. It might be very deep(content warning for depression, anxiety, and trauma) especially when I shared about Keyleth’s self-doubt and insecurities, Nott and Calianna’s body dysmorphia, and Caleb's deepest depression from my first one.

Ready to go on Part Two? Here we go.

The fourth reason is Percival De Rolo aka Percy, the Human Gunslinger(played by Taliesin Jaffe). The biggest thing is that dark cloud of smoke from Percy’s revenge named Orthax. This smoke reminds me of trauma, anxiety, and depression. It has been clouded inside of me and overrun my shoulders since I was very young. And yes, his story was extremely traumatizing and heartbreaking. The most interesting thing about Percy in the ‘legend of Vox Machina” series was from YouTube-Georgia Dow, “The Legend of Vox Machina: Percival's Vengeance — Therapist Reacts!” I also have those stressful and overwhelming moments that it's still triggering me and still won't go away.

Instead of Percy’s violent vengeance, However, I had been through many times my major anxiety from both generalized and social, intense emotions, and deep severe depression. My rage and anger are challenging because of my deepest Intolerance, emotional sensitivity, and my wired brain. I ended up hiding it. If I explode my anger, It's like I'm turning into a monster or a demon(same issue from my PMDD). I also have been through barely being heard/seen, had difficult connections/relationships with others, fear of getting hurt again, & have so much pain/trauma including my intense emotions from 32 to 25 to 20 to 15 to 10 to 6 to 2 years. It was much deeper. I wish others in the community could understand more instead of being judged and ghosted.

The fifth reason is the lovely Imogen the Human Sorcerer(played by Laura Bailey) from the new campaign, Hell Bells. I'm also thankful for the critical role in making the playlist of each character. I listened to those songs including two of my favorite songs- “Breaking Down” by Florence + The Machine and “overwhelmed” by Royal and the serpent. Whenever I think about Imogen, she is shy, barely uncomfortable with huge crowds(depending on what I'm feeling), her anxiety, easily overwhelmed, troubled to sleep with nightmares, And, of course, growing up as an outcast in a small town.

About the red storm that she dreams of, it hit me when I kept seeing that toxic energy from that hateful cult that has been going on for the last six years. Even from decades. One of the greatest inspiring moments is when Laudna(played by Marisha Ray) has always been close to Imogen. Also, Laudna has always reassured Imogen to make sure she was ok without any fuss. Imogen gets this bad anxiety and breakdowns and then Laudna shows up and comforts her. Breath in and exhale.

When I see those deep connections when Imogen felt safe and peaceful with Laudna, it reminds me of myself with some of my close ones and the ones who have been kind to me I can trust, that I felt safe that I can talk to.

The sixth reason is the unique character named Caduceus Clay the Firblog Cleric(another character by Taliesin Jaffe). I adore his style and his personality, the same thing for Keyleth’s nature fantasy style. About Caduceus, he doesn't have many romantic experiences, or he feels less interested in romance. I'm like him as well. But, that's ok. Yes, I am Cis-Female and proud of my gender. Sadly, my sexual and even my romantic orientation has been difficult in my lifetime. I had never been successfully dating because it went too short, especially with a kiss until a week later, or it didn't work out at all.

I tried to be open during National Coming out day and the national Pride month. Sadly, I felt that I had to stay quiet. I'm still feeling forbidden by others. I had been silenced because I fear that everyone will judge me, think I'm faking it, or they see me as doing it for attention. I'm not straight at all, even though I tried. I pretend to be straight because of the stigma that I had been going through for decades especially growing up in between Christain and Catholic religions.

I'm aromantic pansexual-asexual. I know it sounds complicated for everyone. Personally, for most of my life, I don't ever see myself as a lover/partner sexually, emotionally, & physically because of my personality and my image. I truly adore all genders emotionally even though I have mostly been attracted to all genders. I like some romantic stuff from shows, books, films, and series. However, I don't feel attracted very much, especially when I feel less romantically or not interested in dating at all. At the same time, I had those thoughts like “Meghan, you need a date!” But for me, it doesn't feel right. I felt pressured all the time. I shouldn't make too many assumptions. It's ok if I'm not ready or anything while I still need to take care of myself more. I also began to read ‘Loveless” by Alice Oseman. It's a fiction about the main character and learned that it's ok if we don't have romantic or sexual feelings for anyone. It's getting good.

That’s it for part two of my piece about reasons why I felt inspired by Critical Role. Don’t worry, I’ll try to write some more as much as I can. See you next time.