Reasons Why I'm so Inspired by Critical Role- Part One

I wanted to share some things about why Fantasy is my major escapism and why I felt inspired by Fantasy fandom. I always loved fairy tales. Adventures and fantasy are so much fun. I couldn't stop being quirky, whimsy, imaginative, creative, curiously, adventurous since my childhood. I know I am already a grown woman, but that doesn't mean I have to give it up. I have always loved pretending and mimicking as if I'm being like any Disney princess or Non-Disney princess-like Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Anya from Anastasia, Odette from The Swan Princess, Aurora from Sleeping Beauty, or Cinderella. And yes, when I was in preschool or kindergarten, I wanted to be a princess-sounds silly, doesn't it? I always love to use my imagination while I am playing outside, riding on the swing, swimming in the pool, playing in a big-bubbly bathtub, and tea partying with stuffed toys. As a child, I also loved knights and dragons - on the other hand, I had to be brave like a knight especially when I was afraid of getting a booster shot during my check-up. About being brave and confident young girl, I always wanted to be like Kimberly the Pink Ranger from Power Rangers (played by Amy Jo Johnson) because she's always been the major first female role model ever since, mainly while I was doing some karate lessons. I do enjoying it. However, I didn’t participate or joined any championship because I’m very shy, sensory overload issues due from my autism(when I cried for no reason).

One of my favorite mythical creatures/characters is fairies. I always wish that they did exist, like from Ferngully. Like fairies, I always love magical girls just like from Sailor Moon, Ah! My Goddess, Megami Paradise, and Ruin Explorers; and even some of the video games I used to play - Castlevania 64, Legend of Zelda:Ocarina of Time, and Masters of Monsters:Disciples of Gaia. I felt about that the Magical Girls are more influential for me than just being a princess. About Ferngully, I also love those archetype characters about restoring the land and earth from the darkness including Avatar: the Air Bender, Princess Mononoke, Okami, and Critical Role. Of course, this is when I thought I could created my first D&D PC(playable character) as my major inspiring character that I always dreamed of after I was fond with Marisha Ray’s insterests and influential of her first character named Keyleth, the Half-Elf Druid. What interesting is that Marisha Ray truly inspired between Ferngully, and Avatar: the last air bender, and even The Legend of Korra. About my first character, I named her Cassandra “Cassie” Lockhart, the human sorcerer-Druid. And I also thought I could make an alternate version of myself whose more charsma and confident than me in reality.

Like Marisha, I grew up from a very small town in the south with religious restrictive and gender stigma for years. And yes, I have seen other media like TV series was Dexter’s Lab and The Big Bang Theory it’s when I began to know what kind of a game is. I raised as a small town girl in Kentucky. However, I was born from West Virginia to raised in Tennessee to very small-town Kentucky to Mississippi. I couldn't been so excitement. This is when I played D&D for the first time on later august 2015.

The main reasons why Critical Role were truly inspired me is that those some of the characters were hit me deeply based on my real-life struggles and personal battles. Firstly, On Campaign One, Keyleth, the half-elf Druid(played by Marisha Ray) is one of the major reasons why I felt imaginative deeply from Critical Role. I can see and feel how she has been through grief and self-worth/self-doubt issues since her past. I have had a major self-worth issue ever since I was a toddler as well. Ever since I'm autistic, I also felt pressured and insecure, like Keyleth, if I am worthy enough with everything: a true friend, a good student, a supportive aunt, a loving daughter, and a colorful sister. I try not to make so many assumptions like is it true that others do hate me for many reasons, does true love exist for me, or am I another broken artist - particularly my perfectionist issues I have been going through from my hard life and avoiding my awkwardness. I also felt discouraged from the comments about her like ‘maybe she‘s autistic’ which it’s very hurtful for me. I am glad that Keyleth made it through her self-worth from episode 1 to episode 117. For me, I'm still doing my best for myself and others, including my family, friends, and mentors, who truly cared about me.

Second reason for the Critical Role is from Campaign two, those two remarkable characters, Calianna,the Elf Sorcerer (played by Mark “Sherlock” Hulmes) and Nott/Veth the goblin/Halfling Rogue (played by Sam Riegel). They have a major issue with body dysmorphia. I'm like them, I have had serious body dysmorphia issues ever once I was in later elementary school and during middle school. It's not easy. It’s never been fun. It's always been the most difficult thing during my lifetime. I tried to accept the best compliments that I'm pretty, attractive, or cute. But, it's still very hard to believe it ever since I was bullied in school. From that trauma, it's still very difficult to deal with in reality no matter where I go in public. I wish I could share more of my old photos, but it feels like I couldn’t. Like Nott(Before Veth arrives), While I was wearing a mask, mostly during a pandemic, I felt more comfortable to be in public so I don't have to worry about my smile that I don't like.

Third reason is Caleb, the human Wizard(Played by Liam O’Brien). I felt so deeply inspired by him because of all the deepest stigma from his depression and serious traumatic moments. I know one of the most heartbreaking things is when someone was mocking or shaming Caleb because of his deep depression(”why is he so sad?” “he's so emo/negative”, etc). I felt hurt completely and yes it hit me deeply. I always get most the phrases like “Meghan, why are you so negative?’ ‘why you always sound sad?”. I'm like Caleb, I have always struggled with my anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. I have always been stigmatized no matter what intensity of my depression has gone to a level one or a level ten. I'm trying to hang in there with all these darkest things that I have had to deal with including my trauma. I know there are so many things that I shouldn't take too personally. It's one of the Four Agreements that I'm still working on from the book that I have it recently in Mid-August ‘21. One of them is that I still need to keep learning that I shouldn’t take it personally. However, I still have the tools that I can cope with many issues including my major depression. I know I'm maybe been so far, but it's still gonna be still a long ride for the next decades.

For the next piece- I will be continuing to share more things about why Critical Role still inspired me even when I have been through ups and downs personally. See you next time.