'Hubie Halloween' Review—Painfully Awful

In 2019, Adam Sandler gave a critically acclaimed performance in the Safdie Brothers' thriller, Uncut Gems. We waited in anticipation for the next masterpiece he would appear in. And in 2020, he gave us this.

With movies being delayed and pulled off the movie schedule, critics like me are stuck writing reviews for films that we would never want to watch in a million years. Steven Brill directs Hubie Halloween, an Adam Sandler comedy that precisely matches what you would expect from an Adam Sandler comedy.

Typically, I don't review comedies because it's the most challenging film genre to review; humor is subjective, and as a result, one man's trash is another man's hilarity. Some have watched this film and found hilarity; however, I have seen better trash in a dumpster.

Sandler portrays Hubie, a town laughingstock who talks as if he burnt his tongue on a pumpkin spice latte. It follows his Halloween adventure in Salem, Massachusetts, as he must uncover a spooky mystery unraveling in his town. This film offers your typical Sandman schlock, and whether that is a positive or negative statement entirely depends on your sense of humor.

For an idea of what I'm talking about, Hubie crashes his bicycle into something, launches into the air, and falls on his face...twice. In the first ten minutes. That should give you an idea of the kind of comedy this film is, and trust me; it does not get funnier from there.

Much of this film fails miserably at the one thing a comedy is supposed to get right: be funny. The humor in this film has little more to offer than Sandler talking weirdly and shrieking upon witnessing things that aren't scary. The unamusing comedy and lack of laughs are disappointing from this star-studded cast.

The characters in this film are terrible. Hubie is a friendly, innocent character, but the people in this film are rude to him to the point of unbelievability. Many characters exist solely to walk up to Hubie and do or say something horrible to him. It isn't funny as much as it's uncomfortable and mean-spirited.

Everyone is so cartoonishly horrible to Hubie. Nothing they say or do is funny because the audience knows Hubie doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. But much of the runtime consists of unlikeable characters, and as a result, the film evokes pity and disgust rather than laughter.

Of course, not all of the characters are mean. Julie Bowen, who had previously portrayed Sandler's love interest in Happy Gilmore, fills the shoes of Violet Valentine, a beautiful woman who has known Hubie for a long time and is divorced.

Her son, Tommy, portrayed by Noah Schnapp of Stranger Things fame, is a high school freshman who meets and falls in love with Megan (Paris Berelc). Their storyline goes nowhere; they meet and flirt, and that is it. They had the potential to have an interesting subplot, but the storylines involving them and Tommy's younger sisters seem only to pad the runtime.

Furthermore, it's never a good sign when I can tell the gender of the screenwriter(s) based on how the female characters are written. Every line of dialogue from Violet and Megan is a male fantasy of what a girl would say to a guy. This film has the easy, quick romance that males often dream of, but reality is rarely quite as lovely.

Not only do the love interests feel contrived and obvious, but the screenplay lacks much charm or wit, often seeming to be making itself up as it goes along. There is a slasher element thrown in the film with an unexpected, absurd resolution. This storyline is ruined because we're rooting for the killer to murder the characters that we hate.

Unfortunately, this is a painfully awful film with very few redeeming qualities. The characters are either useless, mean-spirited, or delivering male-written lines worthy of an eye-roll or two. For a quality horror comedy to curb your spooky cravings this October, stick with Scream.

Grade: ★✬☆☆☆ [3/10, D]

Rating: PG-13 for crude and suggestive content, language and brief teen partying