How does cosplaying online bring me inner peace?

If you have been active on social media in recent years then I am sure you have come across the phenomenon known as “cosplay”. A few things may jump to mind about what exactly “cosplay” is such as dress ups, anime characters, TikTok videos and comic book conventions. While all are relevant and truthful to some extent, this obscure and possibly hard to understand pastime has made its way into the deepest crevasse of my heart and secured itself as one of the front runners in how I bring myself inner peace.

Before we dive into anything I think it would be sensible to give a brief rundown on what exactly cosplaying is. The term “cosplay” stems from an amalgamation of the words “costume” and “roleplay” and was officially coined in Japan in 1984. Though much to everyone’s surprise people have been dressing up as their favourite fictional characters and attending these conventions globally since 1939. The person accredited with being the OG cosplay pioneer was a woman by the name of Myrtle Rebecca Douglas Smith Gray Nolan (otherwise known as “Morojo”).

As the name implies, cosplay is much more than just playing dress up. To people who call themselves Cosplayers, this goes far beyond your typical Halloween or costume party outfit. These people pour hours of their spare time into crafting and perfecting their own interpretation of their favourite fictional characters.

This is where I come in.

My name is Frey though I am also known around the internet as Azzy. I have been cosplaying for a little over 5 years and am most well-known for my cosplay TikTok page @AzzyFrey. As of this moment, never in my worst fantasy could I imagine calling it quits on such an impactful hobby.

Let’s go back to 2016. I was about 15 years old, struggling my way through high school as somebody who was most definitely NOT one of the cool kids. For the first few years I made an attempt to blend in with the majority of my class and keep my interests mutual, but after meeting a group of geeky teenagers I switched up faster than you could say “Sword Art Online”. They were all massive fans of anime, video games, cartoons, book franchises; just EVERYTHING nerdy which made them the perfect group of friends for me.

For my birthday we made plans to attend an upcoming comic convention. As the event drew near one of my friends suggested that the three of us should lowkey cosplay as the main characters from a video game. We were hyper-fixated as heck so the idea was a no-brainer. In the week leading up to the convention we scrapped together some makeshift outfits and had an absolute blast while doing so. We wore them to the event and DAMN I was NOT ready for what I was about to experience.

As cliché as it sounds, walking through those convention doors changed my life. Never once had I experienced a room filled with so many people like myself. It was the first time in my life where I felt like I wasn’t being judged. Even in our janky costumes we were welcomed so openly into the world of cosplay. We even got to experience the bizarre sensation of being a celebrity for the day. Now I ask you as a reader, how many times have you struggled to walk through a room because strangers keep asking to take your picture? It is the most surreal feeling because A; obviously you’ve never experienced anything like that before, but B; you don’t even know these people and they’re appreciating what you’ve created. All I did was hand stitch some yellow ribbon to a green jumper, but even that was enough to earn recognition and admiration from fellow video game fanatics.

5 years later here I am, a 20 year old woman still indulging in the same pastime now as what I did when I was a kid.

Why?

Well lets begin with “a lot has changed”. As my interest for cosplay grew I started to do it more frequently. Cosplay became something that I didn’t just do for conventions; it became something I would do with my friends on weekends or by myself in my bedroom. I’ve spent 5 years practicing my wig, make-up and costuming skills and every day I am still learning something new. Even the act of practicing these things brings me such a strong sense of inner peace. It’s something else I can direct my focus onto when life around me feels like it’s becoming a little bit too much to handle. If I’m feeling burnt out or overwhelmed I can turn to that raw wig sitting in my closet and suddenly that becomes something I am able achieve that day.

As time went by I started to gain confidence to post my cosplay pictures online. It was great, but by this point I had realised that cosplaying meant a bit more to me than photos alone were able to express. They say a picture is worth a thousand words and if that’s true then I guess I needed much more than a thousand words to portray the characters I wanted to portray.

In secret I joined an app (that at the time was) called “Musical.ly”. The app has since been purchased by another company and now goes by “TikTok”, but back then I embarked on my personal Musical.ly journey. In the most simple explanation these apps allow you to record short videos with an audio over the top and your own creativity is your only limitation.

I was in HEAVEN. With an app like this I was able to not only dress up as characters that held a significant meaning to me, but portray these characters in a way that felt significantly more personal. In time I began to post my content and quickly gained a following. It was world-changing because when I was on camera I was able to be the version of myself that my anxieties denied me from being in my personal life. Freyja was the shy kid who sat at the front of the class and spoke to no one, but AzzyFrey was outgoing and inspiring.

I honestly feel the most disconnected from my daily stresses when I am in head-to-toe cosplay and in front of a camera. I say this for a couple of reasons.

The first being that I personally find alone time to be incredibly important. I live in a busy household with big personalities so some days it feels like I’m only able to catch a break when I lock my door and announce that I’m recording. Nobody disturbs me because everyone knows how much this hobby means to me. And for a couple of hours I can be whoever I want to be.

Second of all, think about it before you judge me. We all have certain TV shows, cartoons, video games or books that bring us comfort - something kind of mindless that you’re able to switch on to give you that shot of dopamine. Maybe it’s the fictional world that you enjoy? Or perhaps you feel a connection to one/many of the characters?

Well it’s the same for me! I always have such a deep feeling of love for these characters that I cosplay. I just like to take it to the next level. When I cosplay as somebody I am able to borrow their emotions for a short while and express myself through that. As somebody who suffers from Generalised Anxiety Disorder, being my unapologetic self can be hard in the real world. I struggle to make my own phone calls so god forbid being able to share my feelings openly.

From an outsiders point of view I can understand why me getting on here saying “dressing up in an insanely detailed costume of an anime character and making a fool of myself to 100,000+ online viewers brings me my most purest form of inner peace” sounds absolutely crazy, but what can I say? Sometimes the best way to detach yourself from the stresses of our world is to put on a wig and pretend to be a part of another.