Hallmark Is Just Disney For Grown Ups

I’ve never been a fan of Hallmark romances. Maybe it’s because my life always resembles the before portion of the movie. You know, the part where the main character is down on her luck? Maybe she’s just lost her job, maybe she’s about to be homeless, or maybe she’s just gotten out of a bad relationship. Whatever the case may be, I always feel like the protagonist at the start of the movie. The part where she’s standing in the rain, clutching the box of belongings that used to be on her desk.

Since I don’t like Hallmark movies, I don’t usually watch them, but one of their Christmas offerings recently caught my attention. The bit I saw followed a woman who worked at a failing retail store. It was a department store, like Maci’s or Dillard’s, that was owned or managed by the main character’s love interest. It was one of those happy movies where you know everything will turn out okay for the protagonist and everyone else involved. In fact, it seemed like she was set to single-handedly save the store. She writes blog entries about how wonderful each member of the retail staff is. That’s where I stopped watching out of frustration.

Why am I writing about a movie that I didn’t finish watching? Well, I often hear people complaining about how Disney lied to them. They complain that there is no prince charming, and usually not a happily ever after. While watching that movie I came to the realization that Hallmark is the adult version of Disney. I’m not annoyed with the romance of the movie. Hallmark movies are often dubbed as feel-good movies. I’ve always thought of them as a fantasy where everything turns out okay for everyone involved. The woman falls in love and saves her farm/ice cream shop/toy store/whatever she’s trying to save. An attractive man appears out of nowhere and falls in love with the woman. Neither of them is looking for love, and sometimes they argue before ending up together. Sometimes there’s even a subplot where a best friend/sibling/parent also falls in love. To top it off, everyone in the movie looks like a model.

The part I grew annoyed with was the way they presented the retail store that the main character was working in. The store was a beautiful, old timey store that you could see being around for generations. The type of store your grandparents shopped in, and that your mother tells you stories about. Unfortunately, the store was failing, and it was up to the protagonist to save it with her amazing blog skills.

I’ve worked retail before, in fact, I’ve worked almost everywhere in retail. Some of those jobs I’ve enjoyed, and others it’s best I forget. Despite this, I have never seen a retail environment like the one presented in the movie. The coworkers all magically got along, and each of them had their own ‘special’ story. One of these stories was a workplace romance between the elevator operator and a salesperson. There has been a workplace romance at almost every store I’ve worked at, but the way the romance was presented was unrealistic. Where were all the complaining customers, gossiping salespeople, and the borderline psychopathic management staff? Why wasn’t the main character getting worked within an inch of her life and then being yelled at by her managers? Why weren’t there customers complaining to management so that she could get a dollar off? Why wasn’t a lazy coworker giving the protagonist side eye for getting that promotion or being paid more (or just for existing)? Where was the Karen pestering the manager?

Hallmark movies are supposed to be bright and cheery, so I can forgive this. I do think adding more complex and realistic plots would make the rewards more appealing. I find myself more invested in a movie where the characters grow throughout the story and do things to earn their happy endings. Maybe Hallmark should consider that next time they’re pumping out their generic Christmas movies.