I've Never Been to Paris, but I've been to Saint Petersburg

Hello lovelies! I hope you are well and doing your best as always! Welcome to my 100th story on Vocal. Yes, you read that title correctly. I've never been to Paris, but I've been to Saint Petersburg. I know, how can I, a Brit, have visited Russia, but not our neighbouring country, France? Well, keep on reading...

I lost count the amount of times I have deleted this article entirely and then re-drafted it the next day. For nearly two years, it has been sitting there lingering like a ghost haunting me of a world gone forever. I won't lie when I say I am worried I may receive backlash from this. I want you to know I am writing from my own experience, and that I am simply re-telling what I know, experienced and witnessed. Our job as writers is to take note. The world is changing so quickly at the moment that every day; it feels like you wake up in a slightly different world than the one you feel asleep to. So here I am making note.

In late 2017, I find myself in wet dreary Saint-Petersburg, watching Swan Lake in the Winter Palace. The grandeur of palaces, the might of cathedrals, and the never-ending presence of gold transfixed me. I ended up there while I was half-way through my semester aboard in Sweden. There was a small group of us from Linnaeus University (all international students), that has travelled from Stockholm across the Baltic Sea. We got to visit Finland on the way there, and Estonia on the way back.

They offered these types of trips to us students. I can only assume to make the most of our time aboard. I chose the Russia trip because something told me I probably wouldn't ever get the chance again. I won't lie, it was a great trip and I will never forget it. Although, nearly six years later, I find myself reminscencing even more so.

At the time of the trip I was a frequent smoker (you will be pleased to know I have since quit), I often found myself in unintentional cigarette conversations with Russians and other international guests of the hotel. I quickly learned that smoke infused speech allowed people of all sorts open up. I thought I saw a glimpse of the real Russia. Whatever the real Russia is, anyway. Then I realised that the real Russia doesn't exist, because depending on who I spoke too, depended on the outlook. Nothing in Russia is true - all hidden agendas with ulterior motives. Perspectives born out of stereotypes, misinformation, and propaganda.

One of the shedculed days, the group visited the Cathedral of Blood. While we were there, they covered the colourful spiral tops in scaffolding as restoration work was being done. I remember the Cathedral well. At the centre of the interior is a large portrait of Christ looking down upon you. It's somewhat unnerving, or at least that's how I felt. I brought a magnetic dish of the Cathedral to take home with me, as well as some Russian dolls of course. Outside were local performers, musicians, and artists. There was even a beautiful white house with a carriage just there, calmly watching people walk by.

Now this is where I should briefly tell you I was only fortunate enough to do a semester aboard because I was funded on a scholarship (Global Citizenship), so my spending money on this trip was very, very little. I am a working class lady. Yet one gentleman believed that because I was British, I must be loaded, and that I MUST purchase his painting.

If it wasn't for the wonderful Ukrainian lady that I had met earlier on during the trip, I honestly do not know what I would have done it that moment. Thank you for defending me that day. It was after that I just wanted to get the fuck out of Saint-Petersburg and head back to Stockholm. I didn't feel safe.

Since then, I did Russian Politics class to get a better understanding of my experience, and boy, what impeccable timing do I have. As coincidently, I was also studying theories of conflict alongside. Less than a year later, February 2022 and Russia invades Ukraine.

Russia appears to indulge in an unintentional tradition of quick wars that contain nothing but consequences with no benefits. In the invasion's wake, however, Ukraine has shone. Despite Putin's vast attempts, the sunflower seeds are still growing. He could have had the power to bridge the continents rather than gatekeep. Instead, Putin didn't decide to embark on his war criminal career and become a vicious and cruel monster driven by malicious ambition, clinging on to backwards past.

When I went on the trip, I was twenty years-old and still naïve to the world. I've come to understand much in these past few years. Russia cannot help itself; its future is its history. I've also come to notice that when Russia feels itself becoming too close to openness (particularly with the West) it runs back in on its isolationist self out of paranoia and fear, specifically when feeling under threat in terms of losing traditions, culture and overall the Russia identity.

"I, of course, have so much to say as this war is so unfair but also brutal [...] (and also has no sense). I mean invading and totally destroying an independent country? Killing civilians every night in their homes, hospitals..."

- Wonderful Ukrainian Lady.

Ironically against Putin's desires, Ukraine's identity has only been solidified and is internationally recognised for its independent sovereignty. While Russia's image on the world stage is once again tarnished with an iron shadow. The question is how long until Putin admits this? Although we do not know how long, we all know this won't last. War and peace are intertwined. But at what cost?

Below is a direct donation link to Save the Children in Ukraine. I know times are tough but thats why we got to help each other out:

https://www.savethechildren.org.uk/donate/single/donation-single-00006

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P:S I have also planned in a trip to Paris for my 27th next year and I cannot wait! So thank you for even taking a look at my page.

And as always;

Stay safe, stay hopeful and stay blessed! :)