Customer Service Secrets

“May I have your phone number, please?”

“No, why do you need my number? I don't wanna give that to you.” It would be a reasonable response if you were approached randomly on the street, but when you are calling customer service, I will need your phone number.

It never ceases to amaze me the amount of people who don't want to answer basic questions. This was the last thing I expected when I took a job working from home.

Yes, I am the customer service girl you call when you can't get into your account. I just want to give everybody a few tips to make their experience on the phone more pleasant.

The Three Golden Rules

First and foremost, if I ask you to repeat something, yes, I really do need you to repeat it. We are not allowed to write down any personal information. So if I ask you at the beginning of the call for your account number and then ask again 5 minutes later it wasn't because I wasn't listening, it's probably just that I am on a different screen now and can't see what I originally entered. So no, I am not going to steal your credit card information. Even if I tried, I wouldn't remember it in 3 minutes after I heard 6 more card numbers. I'm not saying it's impossible and always exercise reasonable caution when giving out your card numbers. It's just that the risk of having it stolen in this way is pretty low.

Second, the computer systems suck. This is just a sad reality of the job. I'm sorry if it takes me 10 minutes to find the information you called about. If my system crashes on me halfway through our call You may have to hang up and call back or hang on the line while I re-enter all the information I just spent the last half hour getting out of you.

Third, please speak slowly. Our connection is probably awful and even if you can hear me, more than likely I'm having trouble hearing you. Speaking slowly and concisely will actually get things done a lot faster so that I'm not having to go back and verify everything.

Things I Can’t Do

Probably the most common complaint I hear Is when I am unable to solve a problem for you and have to transfer you. I'll let you in on a little secret, We hate transferring people just as much as you hate being transferred. Most of the time, our supervisors are keeping track of how many calls we transfer and it could affect us negatively. So if I'm saying I have to transfer you I really do have to transfer you and I've already tried everything.

Why is that, you may ask? Why can't you just refund my purchase here? Why can't you remove that card from my account? Why don't you know when my package will arrive? Sadly, I am just a grunt. I have the authority to do maybe 4 things on a good day. Is anything more complicated than basic tech support processing your order or giving product information is probably gonna have to go to someone higher up. It's not that I don't want to help you, it's just that I probably can't. Most of the time I literally have no way of doing what a customer has asked me to do.

So Where's My Package?

I don't know and I'm really sorry about that. I only have as much access to information as you have. The United States postal system is a mystery. If your slippers are still in Kansas, I'm sorry Dorothy, USPS is gonna give me the same info that you get with your tracking number. Now if it's been a month or 2 and you still haven't received them I'd be happy to get a refund request started for you because the mail truck probably ate them.

So Can You Get Me a Discount?

Short answer, no. Sadly that's one of those things that 9 times out of 10 I literally have no way of doing. Very rarely I will have some sort of code but I'll probably let you know if I do. Most of the time I'm actually not even getting a discount myself even as an employee or contractor of this company. If you want to speak to a supervisor or manager about that, feel free to ask. You may have more luck than I do. However, I personally cannot give you any money off.

Alright, so you can't help me and I think you're lying about it, what can I do?

I won't say that it is impossible that the person on the other end of the line isn't trying their best, but the vast majority of the time that is not the case. If you really think that the person you're talking to is doing an inadequate job of addressing your concerns you do have options. The fastest and easiest way of handling this situation is to just hang up and try again. More than likely you will not be connected to the same person. Many times you may also be prompted to leave a review of your representative's customer service. This often comes in an email. But before you leave that scathing score there are a few things to know.

This review has absolutely nothing to do with your opinions on the company. If you feel that a corporation has it out for you or that some policy is unfair, a low score on a customer service review won't get your concerns addressed at all. Customer service reviews are strictly for that, reviewing customer service. Putting down a negative score if you're angry that your representative isn't authorized to give you a refund may very well get that person fired for no fault of their own. If you really do feel the need to include any non customer service related comments most of the time there will be a blank area at the end of the survey where you can type them in.

In conclusion

If you take away nothing else, remember that I'm a person. Just because we can't see each other doesn't mean I am a robot. We can both be successful through proper communication.