Welcome to the Neighborhood

[EMERGENCY MESSAGE VIA NASA] 48 hours ago, a pulsed laser transmission originating from deep space was intercepted by SETI and translated by AI. This transcript is being delivered by fax to all global heads of state, due to the ongoing wireless communications blackout.

Secure Lightwave transmission to Europa Base: Official reconnaissance report from Discoverer 9, Mission #3 to star SOL2839775, planet in orbit 3 follows:

As per recent communications, our monitoring satellites confirmed suspicions that a humanoid species is the dominant life form on the planet under surveillance.

After reviewing several options, the decision was made to disrupt communications by electronically disabling their interpersonal communications relay stations. The species is highly dependent on said devices, entrusting their financial transactions as well as world news and, seemingly, all aspect of their daily existence to the personal devices utilizing those networks.

The vast majority of the humanoid population considered by their peers to be adult, as well as many sub-adults, owns one or more devices with separate connections to their networks. Apparently they invest exorbitant amounts of their exchange currency to own said devices. In addition, most pay for the use of the networks.

They keep the devices constantly charged and connected, and carry them at all times, with the exception of their sleep cycle, during which time they keep them within reach. A great number of them suffer from sleep deprivation brought on by blue light radiation.

To further confirm their reliance on these networks, we have allowed our vessel to be viewed in various locations while monitoring resultant communications. The responses were immediate from all points, severely taxing the area networks and progressing quickly around the planet.

A strategy planning session was called, with all executive officers aboard in attendance. It was unanimously decided that disabling their interpersonal communications was preferable to other methods that would result in damage to the planet itself, rendering it less acceptable for habitation.

During its most recent orbit of the planet around their star, we painted all pertinent network cells and transmitted the data to our targeting satellites. Due to the surprising number of targets, we transmitted short-range, encrypted lightwaves to the nearest Discoverers, requesting assistance. Discoverers 18, 4, 156 and 11 joined us in the targeting mission. After successful targeting, all vessels returned to their currently assigned stations, to await further orders.

Upon receipt of our orders, shutdown and lockout codes were transmitted to all of the targets. After a wait of one full light cycle on the planet, we completed our final, cloaked reconnaissance flight. Our final report follows:

Results of the shutdown initially seemed to have exceeded expectations, As we followed the illumination of the planet by its star, the chaos proved to be unilateral. The adult and sub-adult inhabitants have been found in states of panic or catatonia. They appeared to pose no threat.

We then noted an exception, specifically related to the youngest and those of advanced age among the population. The oldest have - seemingly gladly – abandoned their devices, gathered the youngest, along with portable habitats and various survival equipment and migrated in their vehicles to the banks of bodies of water, where they appear to be encamped and fortified. The oldest are also armed, with a wide range of primitive, but functional and effective weapons. Armament appears to apply to both the female and male members of that group, as does the care of the youngest.

Finally, we have intercepted the following broadband lightwave transmission, originating from the planet's moon:

[MESSAGE VIA NASA MOON BASE, SYSTEM-WIDE] In conjunction with all Earth space agencies, we are broadcasting this message in all known languages to all points within our solar system and to relay satellites orbiting in interstellar space.

We have, collectively, been aware of observation of our planet by a small number of spaceships that appear to be operating from a base on Jupiter's moon, Europa. We have believed for some time that these ships are part of a much larger fleet, believed to originate from a different solar system.

To those Observers, we send this message: Earth has no intention of allowing occupation of our planet. You've mistakenly taken the actions of a few youngsters as an example for our response to your attack on our communications network. For your sake, learn from your spying on the reaction from those of us at a more advanced age. Even the youngsters can cite examples from their history lessons.

Our world has evolved into a relatively peaceful place. It has not been an easy transition. We are also acutely aware of how to preserve that peace, and on the space front, it requires solid defenses. We have those in place.

Our communications grid is already under repair by ships from our Mars base. We are a resourceful species. The Mars base and the one concealed on our own moon are heavily armed and those weapons are now trained in your direction.

Rest assured, we have no interest in a fight, but if one is started, you may rest assured the older ones among us will end it.

Have a nice day!

[END MESSAGE]

Given the response and the message above, the crew of Discoverer 9 officially recommends cancellation of all plans to forcibly inhabit the planet known as “Earth”. Furthermore, we recommend an immediate halt to future missions to their solar system.

We are on our way home.

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