Virgo-splaining

Virgo. The sign of the Virgin. Element of Earth. Ruled by Mercury, planet of communication. Sapphire birthstone. Aster and Morning Glory birth flower.

Those of us born from August 23 to September 22nd have many excellent traits attributed to us. Intelligent, creative, organized and loyal. Seekers and analyzers of knowledge. Artists with eyes for beauty in the world around them. Shy, sweet and loving, we strive to be of service to the world, to make it a better place. Or so some say.

Then there’s the not so nice traits we can exhibit. Generally by those that have crossed us in some way or don't have the same standards as we do. Then you hear words like “obsessive perfectionist”. “Picky and critical”. “Disconnected”. “Persnickety”. Or my favorite after I called someone out on their bad behavior “Mean”.

The best way to describe a Virgo that I’ve ever heard was told to me by a good friend. He said “You are this mix of Snow White and the Evil Queen. You can be the sweetest, most loving person I’ve ever met, but boy, when someone pisses you off there’s this look on your face that just shrivels a person’s soul and makes a man fear you could easily cut out his heart.”

I thanked him for that. I actually quite like that description of me.

Ever since I was a kid and first learned about astrology I’ve been fascinated. It is a form of knowledge and insight into myself, which is a constant quest for me. It’s also shone a light on aspects of my personality that I’ve needed to work on to make me a nicer person. Because yeah, Virgos can be mean. Very rarely in a malicious way though. I would never hurt anyone intentionally. That sort of destructive behavior flies in the face of the Virgo need for order and peace. However, tact and I don’t always work well together. It tends to be easier to just bluntly point out a problem rather than dance around it to prevent hurt feelings. Which can be difficult when interacting with a highly emotional water sign. -Sigh-

One of the most dominant traits Virgos are known for is neatness. In that aspect I fall rather short of the mark. Not dirty, oh absolutely not. I abhor filth. But a little messy, well, that happens for me. At least in my personal life where you may see a pile of shoes on my closet floor instead of having them in their own individually marked storage boxes like a Virgo friend of mine. However, in my professional life everything has its place and no one better touch my stuff or move it. So I am about halfway Virgo with that trait.

We are seekers of knowledge. And not just seekers, but analyzers and organizers of it. We tend to be methodical in our research, yet flexible in our thinking. We will look at every possible outcome before making a decision on how to act. Which is probably why Virgo is the most common sign to be a serial killer. That’s not a common trait, obviously, but nevertheless a fact. I can certainly understand it. While I’d never actually act on the impulse there have been a few people in my life that I have killed off and disposed of in my head. Every step was laid out along with how to handle any unexpected scenarios along the way. it was very satisfying. Like my friend said, Evil Queen.

We collect and hoard knowledge like a dragon hoards gold. Unlike a dragon though, we love to share the information we have. And you better believe it when a Virgo tells you something since we tend to be annoyingly right most of the time. This is because I won’t speak up unless I’m completely confident in what I’m saying. Guesses don’t work for me. I want to KNOW. Every Virgo I’ve met is the same way, although some are more strident about defending their point than others. The camp I fall into are those of us who don’t care if someone else believes us or not, we know we’re right and will just walk away rather than argue our point. BECAUSE WE KNOW WE’RE RIGHT. But we rarely gloat about it, that’s too undignified and crass. We just enjoy having the answer and sharing it.

Just a side note, this addiction to information and being an occasional know-it-all is where the title Virgo-splaining came from. There have been too many times I caught myself saying “Well, actually….” So I coined the term Virgo-splaining and have made it a priority of mine to NOT use that phrase anymore. It sounds condescending and that is not an attitude I harbor.

It’s not just knowledge we analyze either. Virgos are excellent therapists because we automatically analyze the behavior of every person we meet, intentional or not. We truly want to help people but can be master manipulators. With the best of intentions, of course. By using our knowledge of how people think we can assess the best way to turn a situation to go the way we want. When someone first meets me they tend to think I’m quiet, but I’m actually just observing their words and actions to get a feel on the right way to approach and handle them.

Virgos tend towards working better alone. That is me to a T. It is quite annoying having to wait on someone that isn’t as organized or detail oriented as I am. If I’m going to have to redo someone’s work because it doesn’t meet my high standards, I should just be able to do it myself. And oh boy, do I have high standards.

Those high standards are probably why so many of us Virgos end up single. I’ve had several relationships over the years, but none of them have lived up to the expectation in my head. It’s taken me a long time to understand mere humans just aren’t capable of living up to Virgo’s idea of the perfect partner. So now I’ve learned to be a bit more accepting. However if they chew with their mouth open or belch in front of me a lot they’re out the door.

I am firmly in the anti-vulgarity camp of Virgos. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good dirty joke, but preferably one with innuendo that adds an element of intelligence to it. Naughty is fun. Gross is not. Don’t even get me started on fart jokes. Just please, don’t.

I’ve been called uptight, prude, ice queen, etc.. But only by people that I didn’t find worthy to see the real me. Ones I couldn’t trust with my soft underbelly. Because we do have that. I may come across as a ball-buster sometimes but in truth I’m a hopeful romantic who keeps thinking the guy that is worthy of my trust and affection is just around the corner. That’s a true Virgo trait. It may be buried under layers of defensiveness and broken promises, but we all seem to have that longing for romance and connection with “The One”. Our stoic Earth sign tendencies make it difficult to admit we have emotion and need it from others to balance our frantic brains. All along with a healthy dose of bone melting, breath stealling sex. You know that saying “Lady on the streets, tiger in the sheets”? Well that was coined by people that loved a Virgo. Because when a Virgo cuts loose, well, Scorpio’s got nothing on us.

Virgos like class, grace and elegance, even when we’re schlepping around in yoga pants and a hoodie. It won’t be an ordinary hoodie, no, we like a flair of artistry. A brilliant color, picture of something special to us or perhaps an ecologically supportive brand. Protecting the environment is very important to many of us, including me. Caring for our planet is like caring for our own bodies, neither can live without being nurtured and protected.

We female Virgos define ladylike at times. We tend to have pride in our appearance and how others perceive us. I certainly do. I’ve never seen a puking, drunk Virgo woman. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I’ve just never seen it. The ones that do drink seem to know their limit and stop before making a fool of themselves. I personally have never been drunk. Part of that is because I just don’t care for the taste of alcohol. But a bigger part is I’m not about to lose control to an inanimate object in front of people.

Control is a Virgo obsession. Along with perfection. We strive towards both, right from the cradle. It’s taken me most of my life to let go of some of that. There are so many things in my life I could’ve enjoyed if I hadn’t been afraid of doing it wrong or looking foolish. It’s one of the reasons we’re seen as uptight and a trait every Virgo I know has struggled with.

When it comes to relationships, any type of relationship, personal or professional, Virgos are loyal to a fault. I’m pretty sure I take that to a whole new level. You would not believe the men I’ve stayed with for too long. I was supportive, loving, encouraging, everything I thought a relationship should be. Took me a while to realize I was picking men that never gave that back to me. Not sure if that’s a Virgo thing or codependency. Probably a combination of the two. Virgos have a tendency to want to “fix” things, including people. Add in codependency issues and bam! Toxic combination. But I do have my limits. Cheating is a death sentence. You will never come back from cheating with a Virgo. Once trust is broken for me, it’s gone forever. There’s no forgiving or forgetting. That person is dead to me.

While we tend to go over the top sometimes taking care of our loved ones we also find time for self care. Being healthy is an important part in a Virgo’s life. We tend to be a bit high strung. We look like we’re in control on the outside while the inside is a shaking, frantic mess. We tend towards stomach issues, which is where we usually hold our stress. For example, I had an ulcer my junior year of high school.

It takes a lot of work to get a Virgo to relax. Our brains are like hamsters on wheels, always going. I’ve yet to be able to actually meditate, but I keep trying. Exercise makes us feel good, but is not always the highest priority. Not when there’s a good book to be read or a great series to binge watch. Those are a great way to distract our busy brain. Especially when I can learn something from them. These will usually be accompanied by a nice cup of tea and maybe a cookie or two. Top quality, of course. I’d rather go without than drink subpar tea or nibble on a preservative laden cookie. As a rule Virgos have exacting taste and expect the best.

You’ll find many of us working in the health or social work sector. Helping people is incredibly satisfying to us. I’ve got a foot in that door. I like to help people feel good but from a distance. Making herbal teas, bath products, suggestions on supplements. Which dovetails nicely with working in the garden. As an Earth sign Virgos tend to have plants around them and enjoy working with animals. It took me a few years, but I’ve finally managed to not over water and kill my plants. And I’ve never lived more than a couple of months without some type of pet in my life.

Let’s look at some of the things I’ve talked about that seem to mark a Virgo. Am I uptight a lot? Yep. Will I do anything for a true friend? You bet. Can I be an annoying know it all? Sometimes. Do I love animals? Absolutely. Is my life organized? Parts of it. Do I take care of my health? Most of the time. Does it make me happy to help others? Without a doubt. Am I a perfectionist? Not as much anymore, but occasionally.

There are many traits I see in myself that reflect my Virgo birth sign, however my 5 planets in Libra like to toss in a few things to make my life more interesting (hello indecision and wanting to make everyone happy to the detriment of myself. But also able to always see both sides to a story and seeking balance in all aspects of my life.)

I believe that while birth signs may assign you certain traits at birth there are other influences to be considered. Life experiences change our perspectives, attitudes and reactions as we grow. They’ve helped me learn to relax, let go of control and be a better listener. Virgos want to do the right thing, but I think our biggest life lessons are to learn we can’t be in control of everything and everyone. Even if we do know best.

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