To a Woman Who Never Stops Trusting and Believing

Dear Jay at Aquarian Insight,

“Everything happens for a reason.” These words struck discord and dissonance within me, when I first heard them spoken by you. I had felt like the heart pierced by three swords that is depicted on the Three of Swords Tarot card, after viewing one of your YouTube video. Nevertheless, I continued to watch your Tarot messages, and two years later, I’m still devouring the kindness and knowledge you authentically share with the world.

You are a symbol of empowerment. You’ve helped me discard the tattered and faded threads that were a part of my self-defeating, false story. An illusionary story created out of vices that manifested as a result of discrimination and stigmatization. New, story threads are continually being woven among both the remaining threads and the empty spaces created by the removal of the old ones. New threads that express belonging, self-esteem, and confidence as a result of staying productive and harnessing the energy needed to bring about positive change.

You are like The Star, both the seventeenth, Tarot trump card and the card for the astrology sign Aquarius, which is my sun sign, also. You publicize personal experiences and journeys for the world to consume. Situations that involve recovering from a physical, chronic illness, which forced you to leave your corporate career, live on the streets, and be bed ridden for seven years. I can neither imagine where you had fallen to nor imagine how you soar high and free as a result. The growth and knowledge you processed and accumulated has made you a lighthouse in my storm.

You are a source of hope and inspiration who has guided me in both self and spiritual development. Hope, that I will, someday, be capable of experiencing self-expression, again. Although I don’t have a physical, chronic illness or have ever been homeless, I had encountered mentally, traumatizing events. For instance, a few nonphysical, hostile workplaces, and a psychologically, abusive psychiatric ward. It was propitious that I had found you online.

You are inspiring to listen to and watch. Through your insightful rambles and Tarot messages, I am encouraged and motivated to accept unfavorable situations and to be in a place where I don’t often meet up with fear that makes me struggle with expressing virtuous qualities because they could be ripped out from under me and smashed, again. You have helped me find my center, which gives me the endurance to wait for undesirable circumstances to dissipate. My center is a place that makes me feel like I have the strength to weather any amount of stinging rain or tumultuous waves.

You unapologetically share your life journeys, allowing me to gleam from it pieces to the mystery I am. You introduced me to bravery, which has prompted the cultivation and self-expression of a new me, after decades of being mentally numb and stuck. Indeed, I will never fail to be awed by the random moments of change in my character, as I thrive towards a mindset that will support the reaching of my dreams.

In fact, this afternoon, before I started to write you this letter, you proposed a notion that was a jarring realization for me. You suggested that it is better see acts as “getting to do it” instead of “having to do it”. What will my potential feel like, if I look through the lens of getting to do it versus my current view, which tells me I have to do it? Is this another piece to the mystery that I am? This needed perspective shift brings to my mind the ten swords pierced the back of the person portrayed on the Ten of Swords Tarot card; the final card in the suit of swords. Similarly, after every sunset, there is the dawn of a new day. Still, I must experience the cold lack of winter, so I may participate in both the growth and the beginnings when the fresh, new start of spring arrives.

You have taught me that having expectations of a destination ruin the enjoyment of the journey and makes reaching the goal or dream disappointing when the expectations are not fulfilled. Without this knowledge, my progress and small accomplishments would never be celebrated, which would most likely result in failure, taking me right back to the realization of this lesson. A difficult and painful path that I do not wish to walk along again.

To this end, I appreciate all that you are and do. You strive endlessly to provide me with new learnings, knowledge, and insight. You create and post a lot of content, and I'm thankful for the opportunity view most of it. I could never consume too many of your videos or become bored with your ideas, questions, and creativity because they always come from you being genuine and true to yourself.

Forever grateful,

Anna