Star Seeds

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. That didn’t stop me from trying. I screamed like a piglet being taken from the teet. I screamed like a cyber metal singer at the height of their epic song. I screamed like a 12 year old at the beginning drop of a skycoaster. I screamed as I realized the seriousness of my situation.

I was now drifting away from The Cloud 022. My home amongst the stars. Watching it slowly become smaller and smaller, hovering above the atmosphere of, my not so recent home, Earth.

I thought I was being clever finding a way to escape the colony undetected as they slept. Having a peaceful moment uninterrupted by another being present. Drifting soundlessly in space with the most incredible view of the beautifully sculpted spacecraft and the half lit globe, distant planets, full glory of the sun, and even more distant suns in every direction.

I was getting tired of perpetually being around others. I had no place to retreat to be truly alone for any length of time. Except for my claustrophobic sleeping pod. Even the lavatory offered no respite. I liked humanoids alright but interactions were draining and I was feeling depleted.

I knew it was a bad idea. Somewhere in my gut something said, “don’t do this.” I didn’t tell anyone what I was up to and now I wondered how long before they notice that I’m missing? The sleep cycle just began and will go on for another six hours. Then how long before they check outside of the ship? How far will I drift away by then?

I didn’t have six hours. I didn’t have two hours. I had one and a half hours of air and body temp regulation according to my suit monitor. I started to panic. This was it. This was my end. All of the potential of my young adult life dissolving before it had a chance to bear fruit.

I knew that being in a state of panic would only shorten the amount of air supply I had and prevent me from finding a solution to my impossible puzzle. I recalled the breathing and body relaxation techniques taught in our mindfulness class. I decided it was my only chance of calming down.

I exhaled completely. Then inhaled through my nose for a slow count of 10. Held for a count of 10. Then exhaled through my mouth for a count of ten. I closed my eyes and put my awareness behind my eyes. In for the count of ten. Hold for the count of ten. Out for the count of ten.

WIll I float endlessly, through space, a drifting corpse moderately preserved in my Nuit suit. Will I eventually reach another planet or star and be drawn into its gravitational orbit? Will there be anything left of me besides particles by then? In for the count of ten. Hold for a count of ten. Out for a count of ten. I should've watched more training videos. Maybe then I would have been blissfully secured by a life line floating weightless in space. In for the count of ten. Hold for the count of ten. Out for the count of ten. I needed space. Is this enough space? In for a count of ten. Hold for a count of ten. Out for a count of ten.

Self deprecating thoughts and life regrets continued to pop up but they did begin to slow and become more distant. I could sense my mind quieting. My body relaxing and my nerves settling. I continued my breathing. Gently redirecting my thoughts to my breathing and releasing bodily tension.

Elder Gralma, our mindfulness mentor, had taught us of the theta state of complete relaxation but I was not able to get there in our group practice. Maybe having others around in such near proximity contributed to my mental clutter. Maybe I wasn’t determined enough to constantly reign in my focus. Maybe I jumped on each passing thought train not being motivated towards a clear mind. I was managing quite well with my busy mind I thought. Not that I knew what it would really be like without continual thought clutte.

I have motivation now. It seemed like the best possible action I could take in my current situation.

I don’t know how much time had passed but I felt the shift. Complete relaxation. Complete calm. My body wasn’t my own. It felt separate as if it belonged to someone else. I sensed a glow above me. My awareness went to it and it grew in brightness. Then I heard a high pitched squeal followed by a pop. Almost like rubber against rubber held up to a microphone then someone de corking champagne.

I have a feeling of complete and utter weightless freedom. I look around. Who is that with me? It’s me, or my terrestrial form. I had transferred my awareness into my astral body. I thought all of that “out of body” talk was theoretical. I admire my sleek form floating peacefully in its Nuit suit. I look good even drifting in the blackness, now over a hundred units from the ship.

The sight reminded me of wanting to live and I felt a wave of concern boiling up. Followed by a magnetic pull back to my body. Closer and closer. I remembered the fascinating astral travel lectures.

“In an out of body experience, your astral vessel is controlled by your awareness and what you put your attention to. To maintain solidarity with your astral form observe through the senses your surroundings. Then once you're securely in your astral body vehicle, direct your focus on what you intend to do and you will be drawn to it at a speed equivalent to your level of intensity of focus.” I could hear Gralma’s voice with their subtle and calm gravely inflection.

I immediately changed focus from my physical body to concentrate on my sensual awareness. It was the same as my physical body but heightened. I could almost smell the void of space. I observed my surroundings objectively and carefully to maintain a presence in the astral body. It was my only chance to get help and I knew just who to contact.

As soon as I thought of Gralma I point of view re-oriented and I began to float back towards the ship. I concentrated on the location of his chambers within the ship then on the ornate trim around his door with a script from Zeta Reticulli, his home star system. The angular lettering is completely scribed around their chambers' opening. A blessing they called it.

Then I was there. Standing in front of the very door. The distance covered in a blink. Even though it happened in a moment I could vividly recall the passing through the light of the ship's crystalline shell. Through the network of circuitry. Through the walls and sleeping compartments. Noticing the soft glow of light around everything as if it were all alive.

Do I knock? They are in another dimension. Maybe they hang out in the astral area instead of actually sleeping. I knocked anyway, the rap of my knuckles sounding almost like a musical collaboration between the hard carbide surface of the door and my knuckles.

I stepped through the door without having to open it expecting to find an empty room. Instead finding Gralma themself standing in their form fitting body suit. The pattern of hexagonal circuitry reflecting the dim light and highlighting their form.

“Ahh, you found your way back” Gralma said with a slight smirk on their bluish-grey face and a twinkle of mirth in their large dark eyes.

“You knew I was gone?” I asked in surprise.

“Nothing happens in or even around this ship without the hive mind knowing.”

“I see.” I said sheepishly in embarrassment for all of the times I had forgotten this. “Will you help me then? I don't think that I have much time left on my Nuit suit charge.” I asked.

“You learned in a desperate and committed moment how to exit your body and stay in the astral realm for a significant amount of time. Something that could take others more than one lifetime to be able to do. I could rescue you, yes, but there is a way for you to rescue yourself and expand on your learning.”

“What do you have in mind?” I asked.

“We haven't gotten to this in our discussions, but did you know that it is possible to merge your awareness with an A.I. and then animate it?”

“I read something about it in Monroe Journals. I assumed it was theoretical, but I also assumed that an out of body experience was theoretical.”

The expression on Gralma’s face remained seemingly amused but it was hard to tell with their smooth round feature that remained mostly placid.

“Go to the droid room using your concentration and acute memory of detail. When you are there, focus completely on a B36 unit. Admire its craftsmanship and every detail you perceive of its construction. Lose yourself in it and then allow your awareness to flow into it. You’ll see. I’ll open the hatches for your exit and your return.”

I nodded and wasted no more precious time. I held the droid room in my minds eye. I recalled the ornate door with its circuit board appearance flowing together like a celtic pattern. Passing through all of the substance of the ship without sensing any of it. Seeing the details I was there in an instant standing in front of the very door. I wasn’t too far off from my imaginings having spent enough time admiring the themed artistry of this door and the ones throughout the beautiful vessel that we lived on.

Not bothering to try to physically open the door I merged through it. Seemingly downloading every spec and detail of its structure in an instant. I flowed past the various droids equipped and programmed for their specific functions. The Hephesto for mechanical repairs, The Marsupial nursery bot, The Mercurial for delivery and diplomatic communication, The Wasps for Defense. Then the line of Bees.

The B36 units are multifunctioning working drones perfect for retrieving miscreants from drifting helplessly into space. Sleek and shiny, resembling its earthly inspired insect form and Large enough to carry a humanoid.

I observed its shiny metallic body with many geometric pieces perfectly linked together. Fused so neatly to its form. Its delicate crystalline wings, its mechanical joints plugged neatly into its charging port.

As I admired the craftsmanship of its form my perception zoomed in closer and closer. I started seeing the finer particles and their metal carbide essence. Feeling their hard, yet airiness. Even smelling the sharp yet subtle metallic smell. Through the network of circuitry and artificial neurology. I was drawn deeper into the microscopic particles of the Bee then I started expanding into it. As if I was stretching in my own physical body.

I became the B36. I knew how to move, hover, and operate every function of it without thinking. It was as if I had been a giant robotic bee my whole life.

I detached from the charging port with full energy. I hovered to the round decompression door and it opened right on time. Closing behind me. I sensed the mechanics and electricity of the room around me. I sensed the signal being sent to open the next circular door opening to the blackness of space.

I immediately hovered forward. My wings creating a vibrational field of levitation around me.

At first I couldn’t see my human body anywhere close. I intuitively enhanced my radar vision and zoom in scanning the view around and I caught sight of my form.

Locking on to the dim spec of light in the distance my new mechanical body flew towards it. As I came upon my body, some distant part of me felt concern. It looked lifeless and had begun to be covered in a layer of frost.

My Bee legs clamped around my human body drawing it securely in. I buzzed back to Cloud 022 as quickly as I could. My attention and concern for my humanoid body growing from the depths.

More and more thoughts of concern began sprouting and expanding in my awareness. Then, before I could realize my mistake of managing my focus. The momentum of my concern was too great to be redirected now. I felt my consciousness slip from the Bee body and suck back through the crown of my human head.

I heard the same high pitched squeaking then pop as when I exited my body. It was just like waking up from sleep.

I was back in my body. I felt weak and light headed. My gauge was in the red now and blinking. I felt the mechanical legs locked around my torso and the up close view of the shiny surface of the droid's body. I craned my neck back as much as my helmet would allow and I could see beyond the, now lifeless, Bee bot. The ship was close and we were drifting and slowly spiraling towards it.

Drifting peacefully towards home with no way to propel through the round hatch hole. If I could slip back into my astral body and re-animate the B36. If I could make better choices to begin with. I wonder if it’s awake hours and everyone is beginning their PT warm ups. How did I animate a droid in the astral and move it in the temporal? Thoughts randomly kaleidoscoping as I slipped unconscious.