First Scoreboard

Whenever the Game of Mass Destruction was on the air, Professor Denki would call Sia every morning before the announcements. Sia knew that she could either just sue his ass or just block his number and move on – but she didn't.

Sia considered herself a smart lady, but she was happy to sacrifice a part of her intelligence in exchange for some more press coverage. Professor Denki was a pain, but his brutal protests and shenanigans have kept Game of Mass Destruction's ratings high.

She had worked in the entertainment industry since she was twelve. If the world loved it, morals meant nothing. The entertainment industry had one rule – whoever has the gold makes the rules.

The king-sized bed she rolled about in was the size of the dormitory she had to share with Fanny Bru and Mariangela when they first started out in the band. Even after all these years, she never understood why her brother cried the night she left home.

For Sia, there was no such thing as bad news, but she had something to celebrate: it had been ten years since the Isle of Hakai was classed as an official country. She had inherited the land from her manager, who saw her as the child he never had.

The Isle of Hakai rested in the Pacific Ocean between three countries: the tips where Russia and Canada almost touched and in line with Japan's capital. The ferry ride to Isle of Wight was quick compared to the ten-hour private flight to Isle of Hakai. She once considered opening the island up to tourists, but the plans only ever became mere thoughts.

"Fanny Bru is coming!" The director knocked on Sia's bedroom. "Are you ready, Sia?"

She twirled around before opening the door, greeting the director in gold lingerie with a red veil. "Honey, I was born ready."

"Are you really going on air dressed like that?" The director asked, his voice muffled with his horse mask.

"Of course." Sia slammed the bedroom door. "This is fine." She had done morning announcements naked when she was in her twenties and bikinis in her thirties. Her party parts weren't sagging yet. Sia couldn't see why the director had a problem with her displaying her body when she had been selling her body and soul since she was thirteen. Professor Denki had not called.

Maybe it was for the best. She didn't want her mood dampened by his rotten old face anyway.

Sia took her place on a diamond throne imported from Italy, made especially for her. Daz Muffin had just strolled into the balcony whilst Sergeant Dust observed the screens. He smiled: only 908 robots left.

The director snapped his fingers. "Everybody in position. Going live in four...three...two...one!"

Sia crossed her legs. "Good morning, everybody! So happy that you've joined us whether you're streaming this in Paris or illegally streaming this in North Korea, we don't care as long as you're enjoying the show." Sia hushed. "If you're under 18, be careful: the last thing you want is to get grounded by your mama!"

The director slapped his forehead. Sia could see the embarrassment, but it didn't matter to her; she was the queen of this island.

"Now, what we are going to do before I give out the scores is interview a special guest, we'll read out some messages, Daz will do the weather forecast and Sergeant Dust has a special video for us. So first, let's watch Sergeant Dust's special video."

Why I love my boys

I am lucky to have such dedicated subordinates to hand. Some of them have been with us since the very beginning, but this year, we've had a lot of new recruits. Now every year, we get the same questions. What's the point of the military being there? What do you do other than loaf about and look scary? Whilst we do have fun, I can assure you, we are always very busy.

This monkey on my shoulder has been one of my best friends. Before we came on the scene, the Isle of Hakai has been home to these lovely monkeys. Very friendly, they'll never hit or bite anyone.

Only out of love.

Thank you for watching this video. I hope this video helps you. Subscribe to GOMD's official YouTube channel to see more of our work. Ciao for now!

Sia clapped. "What a marvellous video, thank you, Sergeant Dust. Now, it's time for our special guest." Sia gulped, she hoped she'd get the guest's pronoun right: it had changed so many times over the years. "Please welcome, Fanny Bru!"

Topless men carried a throne. Fanny Bru was born a man. Their record label forced him to act like a woman. Fanny Bru's gender changed more than the weather, but she always had her rainbow hair. Her sari and collection of rings and bangles were just as vibrant.

"Good morning, Fanny!" Sia exclaimed. Memories of dancing under neon lights and belting out lyrics under sprinkles: what simpler times. "My dear friend, it's been so long since we've last spoken."

"Yes." Fanny pouted, crossing her legs. "Far too long."

"Just so we know and don't offend you; what pronouns do you go by now?"

Fanny shook her shoulders. "Oh, I go by any pronoun, darling." She left no time for Sia to respond. "To be honest, I'm more offended over the fact that you've not spoken to me for thirty years."

"Well..." Sia paused, grinning at the camera. "We have lots to talk about."

"Yes, we do." Fanny broke into tears, sinking her head into her lap. "And poor Mariangela." The way she threw her upper body back five seconds later startled Sia. Tears nestled in the corner of her ears, leaving smears of mascara. "If she dies, I'll never forgive you. I'll wipe all our music off the database."

Sia was drawn back from the serious threat. It wouldn't affect her: life would go on as normal. Lowering her head, she let Fanny's words sink in. With all the social media about, there was no excuse not to contact her. "You can't do that," was all Sia could muster.

"But I can girl, I own all the rights to the music. You got this island. Mary got...second-hand clothes."

"Sadly, there's always the one member that gets the shade," Sia said between sips of tea.

With the look Fanny gave her, Sia was grateful that there were no weapons close by. If looks could kill, Sia was on her deathbed. "Well my precious Sia, it seems that the world finally knows the truth."

"What would that be?"

"I was always the talented member of the band." Fanny flipped her hair back and smiled. "I wrote all the lyrics and I composed the music."

Sia rolled her eyes at her before grinning at the camera. "And that's all we have time for, let's get this morning's weather forecast."

"Thank you!" Daz cried out with beers in his hands and white patches around his nose. He made out with the camera and loafed about. "Today's weather on the isle of Hakai is going to be absolutely shit!" He pointed at the lens, getting louder, his pupils dilated. "There's gonna be loads of showers and if you're lucky – ya might see some golden showers. If you're from Manchester, which is my neck of the woods – you'll understand what I mean when I say the weather is going to be shit. Mother Nature is a cunt. I spent 3 million quid on a mansion in Japan and a tsunami destroyed it – how fucked up is that?"

Sia sighed in relief; thank goodness Professor Denki didn't call this morning.

"You see..." Daz paused his analysis to spit out phlegm he coughed up. "That's better now." He wiped his mouth clean. "So, you see... Isle of Hakai is between the Arctic circle and the equator. So, if you ever wondered why the contestants are shivering so much, it's because of the winds from the Arctic circle. The weather is always crap here especially in November. So yeah, other than that, that's it for the weather today. I'll see you all in 12 hours!"

"Aren't we supposed to be reading some fan mail?" Fanny asked, tilting her head in confusion.

Sia nodded. "Yes, let's go and read some tweets." Sia and Fanny got out their mobile phones and started grinning.

Fanny gasped. "This person here says: Fanny, you won't really get rid of the music, will you? Your music is my life." Fanny clipped her fingers and glared at the screen. "You better hope that Mariangela lives."

Sia chucked. "I got a lovely one here. Mariangela needs to live. We need that Pussy*Pussy*Meow*Meow reunion tour."

"I completely agree." Fanny read out more tweets praising her. "Ah, Fanny Bru! I'm so glad you're on the show – you're a true role model for the trans community." Fanny smiled again, but with more warmth. "Your fans are sweet. Oh my god, I love this one," Fanny jumped on her seat. "What a great opening night! I didn't know robots liked custard."

"Their favourite brand is ambrosia!" Sia declared. Looking up at the door, she saw The director approaching her. He pointed at the balcony as Daz marched into his green room. Before he left, the director threw an envelope on Sia's lap.

Opening it, Sia saw the scores. She clapped her hands and resealed the envelope.

"Is that the scores?" Fanny asked.

"It is indeed!"

Fanny picked up her handbag. "Well, I believe it's time for me to go."

Sia nodded. "I'm afraid so. Thank you so much for coming this morning."

"Pleasures all mine, just remember what I said: if Mariangela dies – I will never forgive you."

Fanny meant every word of it. She'd be foolish to try and wipe their entire discography off streaming sites and stores – it would only thrive in the black market. Sia sighed, it didn't affect her as she had enough money for herself and a dozen generations to live in comfort. She had some food for thought as Fanny left the studio. With an aching heart, she accepted the fact that she should have contacted them instead of lamenting on photographs.

Waltzing onto the balcony, a man in a sheep-mask passed her the microphone. She tested the microphone against her chest. "Yes! That works perfect!" She opened the envelope and strolled to the marble fence. "Good morning, my sweet pumpkins: I hope you all had a good night sleep. If not, I hope you've had a great time slaying robots. You've all done so well. Last night, 92 robots were destroyed." Sia applauded her contestants. "YEEHA! Only 908 robots and counting left. Before I go onto the scores, let's have a few moments of silence for our two contests that sadly passed away last night. Even if they are scumbags, it's our duty to pay respect for the dead. The robots will be deactivated for now, so please join me in our moment of silence for Hendrik and Pieter."

In deep silence was when Sia found her most inner thoughts. Only two contestants dying on the first night was a bonus. 92 robots on the first night was good. No series of Game of Mass Destruction had ever been the same. There had been occasions where the contestants had been on the island until Christmas or the New Year. The quickest was two days. Sia predicted that there would be at least 4 days' worth of carnage. Hendrik and Pieter weren't missed much: her timeline consisted of fans begging for her band to reunite. Fanny had been teasing it for decades.

"Thank you! Pieter and Hendrik's final score, 217 points and has been divided equally between you all. Last night's hidden sanctuary was the bar – anyone who visited the bar gets a bonus 42 points. And if you're listening to this announcement, then congratulations, you've earned an extra 24 points."

Sia paused, taking deep breaths. She had the scores ready. "So jointed eighth place, we have Team Bobby and Team Catherine with 173.11 points." Sia looked over at the military base beneath her. The soldiers clapped a force strong enough to echo through the microphones. "And in seventh place, we have Team Sook-Jo with 198.11 points. In sixth place, Team Knickers..." Sia stopped so she could laugh. "Sorry, I know how much you hate that name. Team Lavender with 223.11 points. Laying it cool in fifth place is Team Rós with 273.11 points. Spicing it up in fourth place is Team Hassin with 298.11 points. Going bronze at number 3, we have Team Fan with 373.11 points. And in second place, we have Team Sakura with 623.11 points. So that means in the league with 665.11 points, we have Team Mariangela. Before I go," Sia lowered her microphone. "Sergeant Dust would like to say a few words."

"Good morning, chosen ones!" Sergeant Dust spoke as if they were about to fulfil an ancient prophecy. "I want to talk to you all briefly about today's challenge. My men have written and scattered haikus across the whole island. Each Haiku you find is worth 17 points. And if you venture into the forest, you may see some monkeys. Please do not hurt the monkeys: my men work very hard to protect them." Sergeant Dust chuckled, handing the microphone back to Sia.

"Well done, everyone. I'll be speaking to you all tomorrow morning."

And the second day of the Game of Mass Destruction began...