Emerald Oasis 13/18

"Yeah, that's it."

"Do fairies get it?"

Fore shook his head. "No. If we did, then we would have known about it by now."

"Really." Joyce wasn't convinced. "Some of you lot live for centuries."

"Must be something in us," Fore said, shrugging his shoulders. "Something that keeps our minds fresh. Try and ask Hon. He'll know. He's the smartest guy I know."

"I don't like him." Queen Suzy huffed.

"You just caught him on a bad day, my love."

"Wait!" Rodger cried. He opened all the car doors and yelled out some names. "Ronald! Reece!"

The two men stumbled towards the car, holding their cans in a symmetrical manner. The one on the lest gasped as his can dropped on the floor.

"Rodger!"

"You two been kicked out of another pub again?"

"We've been bared in all the pubs in Blackpool," the drunk men cried out in unison.

"How are you two," Rodger asked, shaking their hands. "I haven't seen you two in ages."

"I thought you got dumped in that nursing home with ya brother," said the man without the can.

"I was Ronald," Rodger admitted. "But I outsmarted them. I escaped!"

"Who's who?" Joyce asked.

Rodger pointed to the man on the left. "That's Ronald." Rodger tapped the other man's shoulder. "This nut's called Reece."

"I'm not the one in a nursing home," Reece said, laughing. He dipped his head into the car. "Hello ladies."

"Are they your girlfriends?" Ronald asked.

"They're my friends from school."

"You found them at the old people's place?"

"Wow," Reece gasped, heading out of the car and marching around it. The car wobbled as he leaned on the windows. "You've made quite a pull there: three for the price of one!"

"So what are you planning on doing?" Ronald whispered in Rodger's ear. "Having a four-way?"

"Of course not!" Rodger shouted. "I'm just taking them to Blackpool."

"Nah," Reece cackled. "Gotta be more to it than that. You're all off dogging." He patted his shoulder. "Good on ya. Don't let old age get in the way. I like your style mate."

"What's dogging? Joyce asked. "What are they talking about?"

"I know a good spot," Ronald hissed with a sly grin.

"You do?" Rodger appeared surprised. "I bet that's the only way you get your thrills."

"I've still got the suitcase."

Both Dorothy and Victoria gasped.

"DIRTY BASTARDS!" Victoria yelled.

"I think we should stay out of this one," Fore whispered. "Let's be invisible again."

"I want to know what they mean by dogging?" Queen Suzy whispered back. "I wonder if it's something to do with us?"

"I really doubt that it has anything to do with us."

"It's watching or taking part in public sex," Dorothy explained to Joyce.

"It's a truly disgusting and revolting act. Putrid beasts!"

Dorothy leapt out of the car and pumped her fists. "I don't know who you think you are, but we're ladies."

"Single," Reece asked, trying to grab onto Dorothy's chest.

"Widowed," Dorothy spat. She pushed Reece back towards the closed doors. "And we have no interest in your dirty little games."

"Do you want to start a fight?" Ronald roared, clenching his fists. He aimed his can at Dorothy and missed miserably.

"If it's a fight you want, then it's a fight you'll get!" Dorothy made her promise.

"Oi!" Rodger pulled Reece away. "Don't pick on her."

The drunk men screamed and Rodger and Dorothy defended themselves against their sloppy punches. Victoria stormed out of the car. "Stop this foolish racket at once!" She stomped her feet. No one listened.

Joyce picked up the two fairies and tossed them out of the window. "We'll need you two."

"What?" Fore yelled as he and Queen Suzy landed on the door and caused them to open. Joyce legged it out of the car and dragged Rodger inside. Victoria and Dorothy punched Reese and Ronald respectably and left them groaning on the floor.

The fairies closed the door. Joyce and her friends had won the scrap.

"That escalated quickly," Queen Suzy observed. "Far too quick for my liking."

"They're as nutty as a fruitcake," Rodger hissed. "They should be in the home, not me!"

"You shouldn't have called them," Victoria snapped, with her arms on her hips. "If you'd had left them scoundrels alone, we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Well, at least we're safe now."

"That's not the point!" Victoria moaned. She directed her attention to Dorothy. "And you shouldn't have caused that fight."

"You joined in too," Dorothy reminded her. "I was defending myself and your honour. Besides, they deserved it. Thinking we go around dogging. Gosh they were always vile people and I can see that hasn't changed."

Joyce covered her ears and cringed. When will they ever stop bickering.

"Don't humans argue a lot?" Queen Suzy said to her husband.

"I know," Fore said. "To be fair, us fairies do a lot of arguments as well. I've lost count to the amount of times that I argued with Empress Fee."

"You don't have to call her that anymore," Queen Suzy said. "She's out of your life now."

"Sorry...bad habits."