You Want Me to Do WHAT to My Vajayjay?
Fashion fads for your pussy.
Ah, the many things you can now get done to your crotch. Your most intimate female part has never received so much attention! From the confusing, and unnecessary, to the downright dangerous, here are some of the latest trends in vaginal upgrading.
Also called rhinestoning, this is the fad of decorating “down there” with jewels and sparkles. That's right—crystals for your crotch. The practice gained traction when Jennifer Love-Hewitt openly admitted to crystal-encrusting her clam post a breakup.
For around $50 (and up), a vajazzling artist will adorn you with flashy ornaments in the pattern of your choice. Naturally, all hair must be removed entirely (to accommodate the jewels sticking to your skin).
Vaginal steaming, sometimes known as v-steaming, chai-yok, or yoni steaming, was made popular by Gwyneth Paltrow. The practice is by no means new. As Dana Oliver describes it in an article for The Huffington Post, "Ancient Korean vaginal steams, better known as 'chai-yok,' required sitting naked for up to 45 minutes on an open-seated stool above a steaming pot of water filled with medicinal and aromatic herbs such as mugwort, rosemary, wormwood and basil."
The list of apparent benefits is extensive, including everything from easing your menstrual cramps, to removing odor, to improving fertility. There are also plenty of skeptics claiming that it doesn't do anything at all. Plus, steaming can cause burns and irritation to our delicate, highly sensitive area.
For an average cost of 2K, you can target your G-spot by getting an injection of hyaluronic acid directly inside your vagina. Invented and developed by Dr. David Matlock, the shot is supposed to increase vaginal sensitivity and produce better orgasms.
Although it sounds ridiculously painful, some women compare it to getting a pap smear. Also, many say it works and will continue to get the procedure, which lasts about 4 months a pop. Reported side effects include scarring, numbing, and long-term lack of sensation. (I’m out.)
Also called vagina whitening, the trend of lightening your vagina is scary, unnecessary (what’s the problem with the color it already is?), and dangerous. From DIY kits you can order online (please don't), to laser and chemical procedures done by a Cosmetic Surgeon, the cost, risks, and results vary greatly.
The same idea as bleaching dark hair, the skin on and around your vajajay, anus, even nipples is forced lighter through the removal of pigment. Because of the chemicals involved to make this happen, side effects runneth over with everything from skin irritation to infection to burns.
Like a face-lift for your genitalia—aka vaginoplasty and labiaplasty—this is a surgical process that repairs, reconstructs, and tightens your vagina. Meant to combat stretching from aging and childbirth, vaginal rejuvenation can cost anywhere from 1K-6K or more. You can get it done for cosmetic improvements, for increased functionality (making it more sensitive during sex), or for both.
This procedure offers plenty to worry about, including how you can end up in worse shape than before from surgery complications. Jessica Kenwood writes on Vice, "Add to that the risk of scar tissue—which actually has a numbing effect—and the possibility of the vagina becoming too tight so that it causes pain during intercourse, and you’re left with pretty much the opposite of the intended effect."
You guessed it—contouring for your vagina—just not with makeup like you're thinking. Known as Protégé Intima, a pen-like device emits a radio-frequency to complete non-invasive genital remodeling. In other words, a non-surgical form of vaginoplasty/labiaplasty.
Think collagen injections vs. scalpel. Vontouring reshapes you with little-to-no downtime and is an affordable alternative if you’re seeking a little “sprucing up.” Generally, two to four sessions are sufficient, at the cost of $300 to $500 per session. So far, the reviews are good, and the cautionary tales are few.
Dying your pubic hair non-traditional shades has gained momentum as a fun extension of the rainbow-colored tresses trend. If you want pink or green, ombre or stripes, have at it. The cost is reasonable, the commitment is minimal, and well-rated DIY kits start at $15.
Fair warning though: PRIOR to color application, there's frequently a bleaching requirement involved in the process. And we've already established how sensitive vaginas are to chemicals.
Because having an orgasm wasn't exciting enough. Now, there are capsules you can insert into your vagina before intimate encounters that explode glitter when you climax. There are even palette-pleasing varieties in different flavors.
Sounds messy and overly optimistic. Additionally, it brings potential undesirables. Claire Warner sums up some consequences in an article on Bustle, "Glitter-bombing your lady bits might leave tiny scratches on the inside of your vagina, disrupt its pH balance, and change the composition of your bacterial colonies."
Minty Fresh (Yum)
Like a Tic Tac for your vagina. Meant to enhance both odor and taste, vaginal mints are precisely what you’re thinking. Many women feel insecure about the fragrance and flavor of their vajayjays, which can hinder their ability to fully enjoy receiving oral sex (and that’s a huge bummer, amiright?). By inserting this deodorizer, your self-confidence flourishes.
Unfortunately, so can yeast and other nasty bacteria. As reiterated on Feministing, "Women don’t need more products and corporations telling them what’s wrong with their bodies and how to fix themselves—women need affirmation and empowerment to embrace their bodies and to find men who want their natural flavor, not just an imitation-Altoid to lick." #truth