Why I Am a Submissive...

I don't flaunt it but I do wear a collar. I don't tell everyone about it either.

If my husband and I happened to run into someone who knows what my collar is and what it is for, there is a formal greeting for that. If someone asks, it means I belong to my husband.

I am a Submissive. Yes, as in... BDSM.

For some people, it is only in the bedroom; for me, it is my life. 24/7. No rainy days LOL.

I am a very strong headed woman in my day-to-day life. I control what I write when I write, how I work, what I tolerate, and what I have zero tolerance for. However, my husband has the last word on EVERYTHING. Let me explain...

If you have read some of my previous writing, then you know I have been through a lot of crazy shit. More than I have written down too. My husband is my safe haven, my saving grace, my light at the end of the tunnel. He is my person. The only person on this planet that knows every single thing about me. He is also my Dominant. He helps me filter through all the bullshit and finds what matters. He makes sure my addiction problems (I am 14 years sober) don't rear their ugly heads... and if they do, He knows how to handle it. He is the person that saved me and continues to save me from self-destruction.

Now I know just with that little of information... you are thinking, "Why can't you stop it yourself" or "You shouldn't need anyone to tell you how to do anything." I understand those thoughts. That is how I used to think. However, that is an unjust opinion unless you live it and truly understand it.

Alone, I can be dangerous. I have had a lot of pain and trauma in my life. I get angered sometimes too easily, and I know it. Know thyself LOL. He helps me breathe when I have forgotten how to. He makes sure I am ok. Every. Single. Day. Without fail.

My daily life is almost like a 50s housewife and I absolutely love every minute of it. I write, I clean, I bake, I take care of me, and I take care of the household. He helps when I need it anytime. He cooks... and He dotes on me, unlike any other man I have ever met.

I am recovering from anorexia (five years). He makes sure I eat. He keeps me in check and He helps keep me protected. He has never failed me in almost four years of being together. I am a Submissive at heart. I need guidance because I had no direction for years. He isn't harsh or mean, He is firm when he needs to be, and He is tender all the time. We keep each other in check LOL.

I knew I was a Sub before I ever met Him, so it is definitely a choice. I CHOOSE to submit. I am not a feminist by any means. While I believe women should uplift each other and I believe in equality... He will forever be my go-to. I don't believe I can do all things a man can do and I don't believe men can do everything a woman can do.

While I am sure most women invest as much in their family, friends, work etc. as they do in their spouse, I am very much so different. I invest everything in my marriage and Him, without losing myself. If my marriage is healthy and everything else is falling apart... I know we have got it covered.

I don't go anywhere without Him and he doesn't go anywhere without me but work. This is how we have always been and it works beyond imagination. I feel uncomfortable when I try to even make plans without Him. Would you go out without your clothes on? That is how it feels to not have Him with me all the time. When He is with me, it is like a comfy sweater in Winter and a life raft when I panic in public. When I choose to submit to what He says or does, I feel safe. Like I said... He has never failed me.

This lifestyle doesn't come without sacrifices... but then again, nothing in my life ever has. Family might think you are being abused (my family came out to visit and realized it was not at all what they thought). His family does not speak to us. You will lose friends because you make choices good for you and they might not agree with them. I have lost many people I thought were friends because I hold myself to certain standards (I won't go certain places) or because I won't go anywhere without Him. You may lose friends because if your relationship has no secrets... you will still tell Him everything and they know it. You run the chance of being seriously misunderstood and you have to be ok with that. You will be judged from time to time by people that have no fucking clue what they are talking about. For Him and I, we decided not to have children. We love our lifestyle and work... so our life is always insanely busy. (We might be a bit selfish and I really don't care... kids would prevent us from constantly living our lifestyle all the time.)

I have been called a "traitor to women," "subservient with no personal thought," "mindless," "brainwashed," "abused," etc. I can take a lot but coming from a woman who has been abused before... this is far from abuse. Probably the exact opposite. That word triggers me like no other when someone accuses Him of it.

There is mutual respect in this lifestyle. We have safe words. I call Him on his shit and he does the same for me. Letting go of control of every little thing (micromanaging) helps me breathe and focus. He knows he has to control himself and life, in general, to be sure I am ok, and it keeps Him focused and balanced.

This life isn't for everyone... but it is my Heaven on Earth and I will always do everything I can to protect it.