When I Loved You

He brushes his thick brown hair as I put my pants on. I can still feel his warmth emanating from me. There's a slight breeze from the pale ceiling fan. It brushes the sheer white curtains as rain pelts the windows. I sigh, "You know this is wrong."

He turns with a frown, "But it feels right."

"You're married. I can't keep doing this. I'm still in love with you."

Rain pelted the car windows as we drove down the backroads of East Texas. Pine trees lined the streets, making it harder to see than normal. Thunder cracked as Lady Gaga played on the radio. The check engine light continually blinked as the gauge for gas got closer and closer to empty.

"This is going to be something out of one of those horror movies."

"Don't say that! With our luck, we'll get stuck on the side of the road and have to hike it all the way back."

"That would make for an interesting first date," I say laughing as I look out the window. "There's a small gas station up there."

We slowly pulled in. I waited in the car as he filled up and grabbed us some Gatorades. He tosses me a bottle, "See, I told you we'd be fine."

"Oh, really? You were the one saying we had bad luck."

We laughed and looked at each other. My heart started to race. There was something special about Brad as if I had known him in another life. We were so calm, free, and wrapped up in one another. Talking came so easily. There weren't any words to explain it.

Brad and I came barreling in through the door, laughing as we brushed the rain off our clothes. We had no umbrella or jacket to cover us. I looked up into his blue eyes. He smiled and sighed. We both knew what we wanted and had been wanting for some time now. He cupped my chin and gently kissed me, turning me against the door. He pushed me against it as he ran his fingers up my thighs kissing me deeply. I moaned as he moved to my neck.

I kissed him back deeply, gently biting his ear. I whispered, "I want you," and then led him to the bedroom. He laid me gently on the bed, kissing down my neck to my chest and pulling up my shirt. I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him up to look at me. I kissed him deeply and wrapped my legs around him before moving to his neck.

We became more intense each second. Then, there was a crack, and we fell with the bed. We laughed and continued.

His fingers ran all over my body, making every inch of me shiver. There was an intense pleasure that I had never known until him. As I sat on him, our bodies sitting up entwined, I looked into his eyes. He held me close and kissed me deeply. As our hips moved back and forth, I felt the pleasure growing to the surmountable peak. Then, I went over. I started laughing and shivering. I had never known something so wonderful and so pleasurable. We plopped down onto the bed and continued to laugh together. I was smiling uncontrollably. I knew he would be the end of me. There was no way I was going to let this go.

The ceiling fan seems to stop, and the humidity in the air becomes stagnant. Brad grips the corners of the sink tightly. "I can't do this."

"Why?"

"You broke my heart once. I will never let that happen again. I'm with her now."

"But you don't love her."

"I love her enough."

I finish buttoning my shirt and grab my purse. "I guess it would never have worked out anyways. Even with me, you didn't consider blow jobs as cheating."

"Not when you're in another city."

"It's still cheating."

I put the hotel card on the desk, watching the goldfish swim back and forth, trapped between a tree and a statue.

Seven years later, I walk down the aisle, glancing at the various kinds of pasta. A tall man with broad shoulders turns into my aisle. He looks up at me with those blue eyes I've seen many times. I could draw them with perfection. My heart skips a beat. I want to run and hug him. A smile slips out, and then I see her. I have to behave, act like I don't know him. He was the one. The only one. The piano on the intercom becomes overly annoying. It's so happy during a time like this. I grab a pack of bow-tie pasta and move to the next aisle.

It's all I can do. Keep moving on from one place to another.