What Sex Dreams May Come

He pushed me against the wall; my shirt lifted so high that it was practically off. His mouth was around my nipple, sucking. The bouncer came over to us, and instead of kicking us out, he pulled out his long cock and began to wank it. This was a dream that a friend (yep friend, don't give me that look) asked me to analyze for them. Even though they were in a bar, apparently nipple sucking was more important than alcohol, which makes no sense to me. There's a time and place for the nipple sucking, but being at the bar is not that time. More important things are happening, like tequila shots. Still, I was intrigued, so I started looking into it and found that sex dreams are a very unique experience all of their own.

Celeb Sex Dream

Who among us hasn't had a sex dream about Channing Tatum and Ryan Reynolds Eifle Towering me, err them? Stop giving me the side eye! You all act like this is weird, this is a no-judgment zone, at least when it comes to me. My word.

If you're having a sex dream about a celebrity, you are probably craving attention. By way of reasoning, that must mean that dreaming of two celebs means you're an attention whore. That side eye has got to go, we already know that I'm an attention whore, I write about sex for a living. Next time you dream of Channing, remember, first of all, he's mine, and that you don't really crave his body, you crave attention.

Ex-Sex Dream

My ex had a dick the size of a carrot stick. We were on/off again, and during the off periods, we would still have sex with each other all the time—which always led to us being back together. The final break up happened, and when he tried to have ex sex with me, I turned him down. Who was more surprised? Probably me. For a while, I would have dreams about us screwing at work, in the Starbucks, at school, on a roller coaster. Normal places, you know. What did it mean?

The most common belief is that your ex has a trait that you want, and not in that lustful way you're thinking either. Perverts. Can we be friends? Anyways, they have a personality trait that you desire. Using the school example, my ex was quite smart and finished college with a decent GPA. I've finished bottles of champagne and gotten plenty of A (see what I did there?), but there was something missing. I wanted that degree and not from Slut U.

Boyfriend Sex Dream

Did you have a sex dream about that special guy in your life? I often dream about Mr. Crush. He's charming, sweet, and seems like husband material. One night recently, I dreamt that he and I were camping. He was insulted by a friend who disappeared, and I made him feel better.

Upon doing some research this meant that there was some quality that I responded to in him, and more than just him being well endowed. Yes, he is, and no I won't spill how I know. He's my crush, not yours. With reflection, I realized that he is strong and bold (trust me, sex with him in the woods is worth having to be in nature, at least in the dream) but he's also vulnerable, which is unusual for a masculine guy.

Why Sex Dreams Matter

Sex dreams are fun, and a good way to ruin sheets. Seriously, getting out nocturnal emissions is more expensive than just buying new sheets. Am I missing a cleaning tip that would help? Target already gets enough of my money, and I am done shopping there unless Crush or Channing Tatum takes me there and has sex with me in the book section. Don't judge me; those side eyes are very annoying.

Sex dreams reveal things about our psyche that we may not want to acknowledge or maybe even realize is a thing. The dream of Crush and I in the woods was not something that I ever anticipated, but it makes sense that, underneath his bravado, there is a vulnerability that speaks to me. And of course, wanting two celebs to make me a bridge between their penises meaning that I want attention is just common sense. Now that those realizations have happened, it's time for me to work on myself. Or try to get Crush to go camping. Sex by the fire, yes, please.

As far as what my friend's dream means, I have no idea; I am not a therapist. I write about sex for a living. Go ask Dr. Ruth about what it could mean, I have orgasms to fulfill.