Toss the Salad

"This generation gets grossed out by double dipping chips, but they'll eat ass," so goes an often shared meme on Facebook. For some reason, people feel the need to kink shame and make a straw man's argument at the same time. Double dipping it gross because nobody knows what germs you have up in there, eating ass is not the same thing. It's like saying that Ron Jeremy and Stormy Daniels are the same person. There are quite a few differences here. How do you eat ass successfully? Let's take a look.

Nibble

The very first time a guy ate my ass, I had no idea what was happening. He had promised me something special for a recently attained promotion, but I thought it just meant he was gonna dick me down. When he got to my house, I was in the shower, so he joined me. After making sure I was clean (anyone who wants their booty eaten should make sure they are spic and span in that area), he pushed me against the wall and very gently used his teeth on the inside of my ass cheeks. It was and is the best feeling in the world. Gentlemen (and ladies) take notes.

Tongue Fuck

Many, many, many men want anal sex. Some straight guys want it so bad that they will fuck their (more than willing) gay friends to get it. But they skip over my favorite part of it. Confession here, my ex may have spoiled me when it comes to this part of oral sex because he was really good at it. Really good. Don't just lick the area once or twice and call it a day. Use that tongue to help bring about an orgasm the likes of which your partner has probably never had before. Thrust your tongue into the asshole like it's a cock. Do it over and over again, syncing up with the moans of your companion. They will thank you after.

Spontaneous

Here's something that my last significant relationship lacked, spontaneity. Like clockwork, my ex would roll me over on the bed, suck on my nipples for like 3 seconds and then run his tongue over my ass. After he inserted, he would pull out cum on my back and be sleeping within 5 minutes. Contrast that with my former fuck buddy, who would come over, and we would never know what we would end up doing. Sometimes we would watch a movie and cuddle, other times we would have wild monkey sex. One night, in particular, I was making dinner for us. He let himself into my house (I knew he was heading over) and instead of saying hi with a kiss, he pulled off my sleep shorts and tongue fucked me until I shot my load on the kitchen floor. Now I can already hear people saying they can't do something like that because they have kids, to which I say stop making excuses. Maybe not that exact situation but surprise your partner with some booty, join them in the shower, do something unexpected. It's not that hard, but it could be.

69

Most everyone knows that it means to 69. If you don't, essentially it is when two partners perform oral sex on one another at the same time. The first time I 69ed with my former FWB, I was sucking his dick, and my ass was in his face. He pulled me towards him and went to town. It was one of the hottest experiences that we had. Every once in a while, when we text that will come up, so to speak. This is a great way to eat ass, as both partners are being pleasured and the building orgasms are the stuff that erotic books are made of. And I know erotic novels, I began my career writing them.

Use these ways to not only make sex hotter but also embrace tossing the salad, eating ass, whatever you want to call it. There's nothing wrong with putting your tongue in an asshole. Hopefully, the guy I like learns a lesson from this....