The Revolutionary Sexual Benefits of Mutual Masturbation

There’s something magical about watching the way my partner observes me while I pleasure myself. That enjoyment doubles when I glance down and watch him stroke himself.

There’s an intimacy in those moments of coupled self-love that I’ve rarely found with other bedroom adventures.

Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and creator of the Finishing School, agrees with that assessment and takes it a step further by calling mutual masturbation “one of the most underrated partnered sexual discovery tools.”

This underutilized partnered play option creates some serious intimacy along with moments of learning, communicating, and overwhelming arousal. Sometimes intercourse follows our mutual self-pleasure, and sometimes masturbation is the main event — either way, it’s always pleasureful.

Getting past the awkwardness and into intimacy

Masturbating with an audience can be pretty intimidating. If you want to take baby steps into it, you could try phone sex first. After all, phone sex is basically just a long-distance mutual masturbation session.

If you want a hands-free option, you could just turn the lights off or go under the covers for your self-pleasuring. It might help you feel less self-conscious while still providing the intimacy of having a partner by your side. You can see and feel some of your partners’ movements and hear them as they get to work on themselves.

It never hurts to add in a little kissing to enhance intimacy and connection.

There’s no right or wrong way to do mutual masturbation. It starts with communication, just like everything with partnered sex. Discuss it with your partner and see if it’s something they’re into trying. It might even be a spur of the moment conversation. You could just ask your partner if they would be comfortable touching themselves while you touch yourself too.

It took me years to build up the courage to give this type of mutual self-pleasure a try — which I regret now. I had no idea what I had been missing all those years!

Sexual discovery and learning

Mutual masturbation can turn into a personalized sex education class straight from your partner’s perspective. Watching your partner touching themselves can give you an idea of what they like. You can ask them what feels good about specific things you see them doing and learn more about what turns them on in the process.

Openly communicating about what feels good can be a huge turn-on. While touching yourself, you can tell your partner more about what makes you feel good.

My husband and I often lay on opposite ends of the bed while masturbating together. Spreadeagle, we tease each other and show each other just what we like and how turned on. I can watch him getting harder and harder, and he watches me get dripping wet.

Mutual masturbation gives you a chance to verify what you thought you knew about your partner’s sexual appetite and learn new things to do and use to turn them on.

Other ways to turn up the heat

Introducing toys, sensual touching, and talking about fantasies can create an even better experience for partnered pleasure.

You can get creative and take your mutual play outside of the bedroom — the couch, kitchen, shower, bath, floor, or even in the car. The options are as endless as your fantasies. You could even try it while watching porn or listening to audio stimulation like erotica or ASMR to further enhance the experience.

Don’t forget to introduce some toys to really turn up the heat! My favorites for mutual masturbation are a trusty magic wand for me and a vibrating penis ring for him. You could also use an app-controlled sex toy that your partner can control from afar — now that sounds more than a little delicious!

Sometimes I’m still in the mood after my partner gets off and end up lazily masturbating while he watches. Eventually, he gets worked up and joins back in on the fun. That’s another thing I absolutely love about mutual masturbation — it’s suitable for before, during, and after sex.

Mutual masturbation is the kind of partnered play that provides a whole lot of extra pleasure-enhancing benefits.

This underutilized sexual activity can increase partnered intimacy, foster better communication, help educate each of you on your personal preferences, and seriously spice up your sex life.

It’s fun, interactive, and best of all, you never have to worry about getting an STI or getting pregnant!