The Pen Is Mighty .... Errr

Introduction

The initial intention of this was to be a humorous poem about the various descriptions of the male member, and the more I saw, the more ridiculous the idea seemed to become- effectively a literary dick-pic So this morning I decided that I would just delete it and then go on to something else,

Then I started thinking of some funny snippets as well as the patriarchal entitlement that some men seem to think it gives them.

There are serious sides to this, too. A friend once told me she was frightened by a flasher across the road; I asked her why, and she said the man was showing her he could do what he wanted without fear of being criticised or facing consequences.

So while I am aware of the serious side, this is more a flippant look at the silliness of member pride.

I've shared the poem "Gaberdine Angus" by Doctor John Cooper Clarke

My Observations

A lot of men try to impress women with the contents of their trousers. The porn star John Holmes had a very large one, and the rumour was that he passed out if he got excited, though that might just be an urban legend.

If you look at certain cars, they seem to be a member substitute for less well-endowed males.

In his novel "Adolph Hitler: My Part in His Downfall", Spike Milligan tells a tale of when he was waiting for his girlfriend in her front room; her little brother smashed him in a delicate area with a heavy glass ashtray. He then started permanently wearing a cricket box as protection, even when swimming. Apparently, this did impress certain ladies who were very disappointed when they found out what was really in his pants. It also amazes me that the box was standard protection for over a hundred years before protective cricket helmets. Apparently the head and brain were deemed of less importance than the genitals.

I think it was the bassist from Spinal Tap who inserted a cucumber wrapped in tinfoil into his underpants and set off the alarm at the airport.

When I first got the idea, I put a question into Google, and it came back with this:

Food & Kitchen Items

• Pork sword

• Beef bayonet

• Yogurt hose

• Tummy banana

• Spam javelin

• Meat stick

• Hot pocket

Tools & Machinery

• Ham howitzer

• Gristle missile

• Floppy drive

• Gearshift

• Pipe cleaner

• Nimble-wimble (historical, 1650s)

Animal & Nature Inspired

• One-eyed zipper fish

• Purple-headed womb ferret

• Trouser snake

• One-eyed monster

• The beard-splitter

Over-the-Top & Absurd

• Herman the one-eyed German

• Sexcalibur

• The purple-headed yogurt slinger

• Beaver cleaver

• John Thomas (popularized by D.H. Lawrence)

Google Gemini

I think you can see why I decided against putting these into a poem. While there is the odd funny one, most are quite pathetic, and any man that might use them to describe his appendage would be laughable.

Several groups have names that are related to members and emissions, namely Whitesnake, The Lovin' Spoonful and 10CC (it's closer to 5CC). I did a piece on this here:

Almost Every Word Was Used By Shakespeare

This page is packed with examples of Shakespeare's innuendo and double meanings in his writing:

This is one example (of which there are many)

From Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 3

MERCUTIO: Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting: it is a most sharp sauce.

ROMEO: And is it not then well served into a sweet goose?

MERCUTIO: O here's a wit of cheverel, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell broad!

sweeting sweet apple

sharp sauce biting riposte / bitter sauce for food

And … goose? alludes to the proverb 'sweet meat must have sour sauce', suggesting that the sauce (semen) is being served sexually to the goose (prostitute) 

wit plays on the sense of 'penis' 

cheverel easily stretched leather

ell forty-five inches / penis

RSC

Romeo and Juliet is incredibly popular, but full of pieces like this.

Any word can be used for the male member. Tool, Sword, John Thomas, anything, in fact.

Conclusion

As I said, this did not turn out the way I expected, but I hope I have not offended you and maybe made you smirk at some of the stories in here.

Thank you so much for reading.