The Epidemic of the Dick Pic

by Faith Heple 3 months ago in comedy

No your dick isn’t cute, so stop sending it.

The Epidemic of the Dick Pic

I have been single now for 4 years. For about half of those I chose to stay single, needing time to heal and grow from my disaster of a marriage. The other half I have actively looked for someone to start over with. Here is where I want to scream at every guy on the street. Young, old, professional, blue collar, single dads, baby daddies, no kids, alcoholics, or not, it seems as if every man at some point thinks it’s okay to whip out their dick and take a picture.

Why? I personally have no idea. Maybe it’s a trait passed down from our monkey ancestors, like a baboon that waves it’s bright red butt like a common whore. I don’t know. I’m mighty sick of talking to a nice guy, getting along, having meaningful conversation; then you see it... “Picture Downloading.” We all know what that means! Dick pic is on the way.

It has never mattered which dating website:, POF, Bumble, all of them! I have even met men off the street as I ate at cafe’s and coffee shoppes. They give me their phone numbers, I give them mine. What is the first thing I receive? A big (or small) red, fleshy member with matted black hair sitting on my screen.

Let me say this for the men in the back...




I’m an average looking woman, with average intelligence, with average interests. I have an average job in a tiny town. I have friends that I like to be around, places I would like to visit, and dogs I want to pet. All I want is to have a normal conversation with a guy without the hesitation of opening up my message boards to dick pics.

Save the dick pics for your friends boys. We don’t want to see them. If we ask, it’s because we think you want us to. There is the occasional wanting, the list, the playfulness. In those circumstances, it’s okay!

Please, before you decide to unbury that so called “precious piece of meat.” Think about all the women who will scrutinize every wiry hair, every purple vein, every brown freckle, and very crooked inch. Just think if women started sending back our vaginas as a valid response? You’d be worried too about opening up that “Picture Loading” message.

I’m not saying every dick pic is unwanted. There has been an uptick in “sexting,” or the sending of nudes to one another. At times, even I have found the idea of opening up a picture of something naughty turns me on. There is a time and place for all things surrounding nudes.

For one, make sure you know and trust that person completely. Make sure they will either delete the photo later on or, if they decide to keep it, that they will respect your privacy. There isn’t a website called “Show Me Your Dick Pics” because people have respected each other’s privacy. Trust is vitally important to this, if you don’t trust that person to care for a picture then I wouldn’t send one.

Secondly, I would say don’t send a nude unless asked. This is more so for new relationships. Having been online dating for some time it seems to be the norm to send a dick pic unannounced and unprompted. I didn’t ask to see your penis, I asked you what you were doing. If you are playing with your penis, you can tell me. Just don’t show me, and if you want to still talk while doing your thing, cool. If not, let me know when you are finished and we can talk later. For those of you in longer termed relationships, you should know by now whether or not it’s the appropriate time for such a picture!

And lastly, but most importantly. Do not, please DO NOT, try to take an upward angled picture and get your butthole in the picture! Please! I don’t know if you think it makes you look bigger or longer or sturdier. Maybe you think it’s sexy, maybe you didn’t mean to. I don’t care!! Stop showing your butthole. I would rather see a bursting pimple than your hairy butthole staring at me while I try and find a way to delete whatever awful picture you just sent me. Please men!! It’s just like a third eye covered in Chewbacca hair. And I don’t want to see it! Or else I’m gonna write the ‘Epidemic of the Hairy Butthole’ next!

I hope everyone enjoyed reading about the issues of the dick pic. I hope a few men learned a few lessons and I hope a few ladies have learned that it’s definitely not okay to receive one without asking for one first. You both deserve to respect yourselves and each other. Dick pics are not the way to go to reach that respect.

Faith Heple
Faith Heple
Read next: Titty Tote Time
Faith Heple

Thank you for visiting my page! I am working on several different pieces. I have interest in many forms of writing: horror, self-help, autobiographical, and comedy. I enjoy trying new ways of writing, some of them good but not always! Enjoy

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