The Dos and Don'ts of Sex with Your Ex

If your reading this, you're probably doing so because you're looking for a place to register the current shame you're feeling if you've just fucked your ex, or at least thought about it.

It's a situation that many of us get in and it deserves no judgement. Feeling ashamed is one of the many emotions that naturally come with it, and that we will need to grapple with eventually.

If you felt empowered, sexy, and liberated, and it worked out: Congrats, keep going.

If you are left feeling in an emotionally vulnerable position, there are a few things that you should probably begin to consider:

DON'T shame yourself after.

It happens. Waste little time feeling bad about it and spend more time considering how you felt after. Move past the thrill and exaltation of doing something you weren't exactly suppose to and assess whether the aftermath of the situation gave you more comfort than it did confusion. For some it will bring clarity, but if it's the latter, it's time to start asking yourself a few more honest questions.

DO make clear if it was just a 1 off thing.

It's 2:18 AM, the parties over, all of your friends who promised they would stay with you have seemingly dissipated into thin air, and as you're scrolling through Instagram waiting for your Uber home, you can't help but check to find that he was active three minutes ago. I get it, I do. But if you only think about the person at this time, or if you're only receiving these texts late at night, it's probably best you guys work out if you're on the same level. Otherwise, it won't end well.

DON'T get love and a guy with a really good head game confused.

Honestly, it gets the best of us. I know you will make a list of a hundred fabricated reasons why you should stay, but if you find that you keep breaking up with your ex and meeting up for "closure" despite the fact that it never worked the first four times, maybe it's time to stop. Getting past physical attraction is extremely hard, but if you're only staying for one thing then you're neglecting all the potential partners that have so much more to offer. There's lots of nice guys out there with exceptional head game. Trust me.

DO talk to someone if it wasn't a good experience.

Maybe you went to talk things out and things escalated. It wasn't your intention or it started and you felt uncomfortable, but went through with it. All of these things are natural and a wave of emotions will probably come with it. Remember to separate the feeling of the sex from the actual relationship. Don't go through with things because you feel pressured and remember to be alert about situations that could put you in a vulnerable space. Someone that respects you will never force you into engaging in sexual acts, nor should use it as a way to get you to "prove" how much you care. These signs will show up in emotionally manipulative partners—just be sure you are going back for the right reasons.

DON'T be ashamed to get back together if it is actually working.

Often the shame associated with getting back together with an ex that you swore to your friends was over leads a lot of people to let go off something they actually wanted. The slightly exaggerated stories of how they "like—literally tried to ruin your life" aren't really holding up so much value, and you've come to the realisation that you might have massively overreacted. If the love is still there, talk it out and sort it out. Stop bailing on your friends and sneaking around. If the love is still there, then sex was always going to come into play at some point.