Teen, Love, Stress, Anxiety, Sexuality and What Not
A Guide to Your Messy Life
My young readers especially the Teen might have fallen in love once in their lives at least or crushes on teachers, fellow student or guys fall on every other girl they see….no offence dudes but girls do too….
So today’s topic is Teen Love and Issues…
Some questions which arise but you are afraid to ask are here..at least tried to cover every possible query guys, so lets begin:
I’m not sure if I am homosexual or bisexual. How do I know for sure?
Determining sexual orientation can be confusing for some people. Sexual identity often develops over time. So you may not know who you really are attracted to until you are older.
It is not unusual for heterosexuals, or straight people, to have fantasies or be curious about people of the same sex. Just because you have these feelings doesn’t mean that you are gay. But, if you are gay, in time, your sexual feelings towards a person of the same sex will become stronger and clearer.
Is there something wrong with me if I am gay?
No! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are who you are.
Do You Really Like This Person?
Now focus on the person you like. Why do you like him/her? Is it because he/she is good looking? If so, that’s not enough. “You have to share some common interests,” Gowen says. You also want to be with someone who will treat you right, she says. How can you tell? One clue is the way they treat their friends, teachers, and parents. If you’re not totally sure about this person, ask yourself if it’s worth getting into the relationship. Also get your friends’ input about whether the person is worth your time.
Is She Right for You?
One very important question you need to ask yourself is whether this person is safe for you to date. Girls who’ve set their sights on older guys, beware. Dating a guy who’s in high school when you’re still in middle school, or who’s a senior when you’re still a freshman might seem cool, but it could get you into a lot of trouble. ”Just because a girl looks like she’s 16 when she’s only 11, it doesn’t mean that psychologically or emotionally she’s ready to date older boys… they are so much more skilled at this dating game than she would be, and they can manipulate her and hurt her,” says Laura Choate, EdD, a licensed professional counselor, associate professor of counselor education at Louisiana State University, and author of the book, Girls’ and Women’s Wellness: Contemporary Counseling Issues and Interventions. ”There’s a big difference between a seventh-grader and a ninth-grader when it comes to experimentation,” Gowen says. By the time they’re in high school, guys may have gone a lot further than you’re ready to go. In fact, Gowen did a study of girls who had older boyfriends, and she found that freshmen girls who dated junior or senior boys were more likely to go further, and to be forced into doing things they didn’t want to do. A good rule of thumb is not to date anyone who is more than one grade ahead of you, Choate says.
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When You Start Dating
Once you — and your parents — feel ready and you’ve found someone you like and who likes you, you can start going out. But when you begin any new relationship, take it slow. “Don’t be alone with a person you don’t know very well until you feel more comfortable with that person,” Choate says. “Start gradually. Know exactly where you’re going, what’s happening every step of the way. You don’t have to let the other person be in control of the date.”
How far is too far?
Males are stimulated differently than females. A behavior like “French kissing” will lead a guy to become sexually aroused but a girl will simply feel more affection towards him. You should avoid anything that could lead you into this arousal zone – things like drugs, alcohol, French kissing, prolonged kissing, and petting. Knowing how far to go means understanding that men have a higher sex drive and women a higher love drive. It also means knowing that using drugs and alcohol will impact sexual behavior because they deaden the conscience and heighten the passions. Setting boundaries and “no trespassing zones” are essential to staying pure while dating.
How do I say “NO”?
Everybody has three types of “language” – verbal, body, and what you wear. When it comes to saying “No” in a dating relationship, your words, your body and your clothes all must be saying it! If you are saying No, but wearing a Yes, then your No becomes a Maybe. The simple fact is that a guy is more visually stimulated than a girl and will be more affected by how she dresses. When you are getting ready for your next date remember this: the more you Show the harder it is to say No. Both of you should speak, act and dress in ways that show respect for each other.
What if I am being pressured to have sex?
If you truly love someone, you will respect his or her desire to save sex for marriage and will lovingly choose to embrace these same values. Sadly, too many young people fall victim to sexual pressure because of the fear of being rejected. You deserve to have a dating relationship that honors you for the person you are. You want that relationship to help you to have a happy, healthy and wholesome life. Take heart, there are many young people who desire to save sex for marriage. Be patient! True love will wait for marriage and you are worth waiting for!
I’m not a virgin…Is it too late for me?
It is never too late! If you have already given away the gift of your virginity, then reclaim it today! You can start saving yourself for marriage again. This is called Renewed or Secondary Virginity. Sadly, many teenagers take their virginity for granted. Whether you are a virgin or renewed virgin, the gift of your virginity is the most precious thing you own. It is more valuable than jewels. Treasure your gift and save it for your future spouse. It is the best gift that you can give on your wedding night.
Is “safe sex” really safe?
The “safe sex” myth is a lie. Webster defines “safe” as “free from harm. ”Those who are engaging in sexual intercourse and are relying on condoms, pills or any other form of contraception are playing “sexual roulette.” It’s like loading a six-shooter with one bullet, spinning the barrel and pulling the trigger when the gun is pointed at your head. You may end up “safe”, or you may end up dead. A condom has a failure rate of 14% in preventing pregnancy, is ineffective in protecting against 6 out of the 8 most common sexually transmitted diseases, including HPV (Human Papillomavirus a.k.a. genital warts – the most common STD), and cannot even guarantee protection from the HIV virus that causes AIDS, a routinely fatal disease. The birth control pill offers women absolutely no protection against STD infection and has many associated health risks and side effects. Does this sound “safe” to you?
Is oral sex really sex?
You better believe it! Many teenagers believe that oral sex is not considered sex because it does not fit into their definition of sexual intercourse. The real purposes of sexual intercourse are to create a new life and to bond with your spouse. Oral sex does neither. Sadly, many teenagers are unaware that risky sexual behavior, such as oral sex, can transmit life-threatening and incurable diseases such as HIV, HPV, genital herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea.
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What’s wrong with pornography? I’m not hurting anyone.
Pornography is wrong because it teaches a man to value a woman based upon how much she physically stimulates him. It trains men to treat women as sexual objects to be discarded once they are done using them for their own selfish pleasure. Whether it is in magazines, movies or on the internet, pornography damages people’s minds and destroys marriages. Men should guard their hearts against being seduced by such false images of women because the consequences are so destructive, not only to themselves, but to those whom they love.
How painful is sex the first time?
A. It varies. For some girls, there’s no pain whatsoever; for others, sex can be uncomfortable. Some girls feel discomfort when the hymen stretches or tears, which can cause a little bleeding. Sometimes a girl may not be aroused (or she’s feeling nervous or worried) so her vagina isn’t lubricated enough for the guy’s penis to enter comfortably. Lubricated condoms can help. And of course, couples should always use a condom every time they have sex to protect against unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). In general, though, pain during sex does indicate that things aren’t going as they should and it’s a good topic to talk to your doctor about.
Everyone says that sex is fun and that it feels good. I’m a virgin and curious — is that really true? A: Yes, sex can be fun and feel good, but it’s not true that sex just “feels good” across the board in any situation. It’s impossible to separate the act of sex from the person you’re doing it with—or the person you are. Because if you’re not really ready to be having sex, or you’re doing it in the wrong relationship, you’ll be worrying about it way too much to enjoy it. But if you feel totally comfortable, secure, and cared about, and sex is something that you truly feel ready for, then yes! It can be an amazing experience. The best way to ensure that your first experience will be a good one is to wait until you are absolutely 150% ready, confident, and comfortable in your relationship.
Is it better to shave off all your pubic hair or to keep most of it and trim it? Do guys care? A: The best thing to do with your pubes is…whatever you want! Seriously, they are yours, so the ultimate decision is up to you. Just like you don’t dress in exactly the same clothes as your friends, you don’t have to keep your pubes exactly how they have them either. There is no right or wrong here — it’s all about how you feel comfortable. And if you’re worried about what a guy (or girl) is going to think, know this: Being comfortable with your body is going to leave a much bigger impression than what your pubes look like. So trim or shave them however you think looks the best.
My boyfriend and have been talking about having sex, but I’m really nervous. I’m afraid something will go wrong. A: Sex shouldn’t hurt too much the first time, but it certainly can hurt a lot if you’re not really ready for it. Being nervous can cause you to clench up your muscles, and if you and your guy haven’t worked up to intercourse by making out and touching each other a lot first, your body won’t be aroused—and that can make things pretty uncomfortable. But here’s the thing: If you’re really scared about doing it, like you say you are, then it doesn’t sound like you’re truly ready. Having sex is a big responsibility because yes, there is always a chance something could go wrong. Even if you use protection, the condom could break, and no birth control is 100% foolproof. (Not to mention the risk of STDs…) You have every right to feel freaked about that and not want to risk the consequences! But when you’re really ready for it, you’ll feel excited, secure, and safe…like the way you feel before a rollercoaster—good scared, not bad scared.
My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost nine months now and have only gotten to third base. Is this normal? Should I let him do more? A: Deciding to take any kind of sexual step should be a mutual decision — not something that you do just because your boyfriend wants to — so there is nothing wrong with taking things as slow as you need to. (This may mean dating someone for months or even years without ever having sex!) If you enjoy hooking up and doing things other than sex, then keep doing that. It’s totally normal. A lot of people like to work up to sex by experiencing the other bases first. And if you do at any point want to have sex, just be sure that you’re doing it because you really want to, not because you feel like you should. There’s no magic amount of time to be in a relationship where all of the sudden you need to have sex with a guy. Take your time, and wait until you’re truly comfortable.
What’s an orgasm, exactly, and how do I know if I’ve had one? A: An orgasm is an intense, pleasurable physical feeling that can occur during sex or masturbation. Like many feelings, orgasms are difficult to describe. Orgasms vary from person to person, and can be different for the same person at different times. Some are more subtle, while others are very powerful. A person’s heart beats faster, breathing gets quicker, and muscles in the pelvis contract and then suddenly relax with a wave of feeling that can be pleasurable and, for many people, emotional.
What’s the deal with masturbating? I feel so guilty doing it or talking to my friends about it. Is it dirty, or bad for you? A. Lots of people have heard all sorts of myths and misinformation about masturbation. Some worry that masturbation may cause health or emotional problems — but that’s not true. It’s normal for teens to masturbate. If someone is masturbating so much that it interferes with his or her daily life, that could be a problem, though. Masturbation is often considered a private topic and some people may feel embarrassed to think or ask about it. And when you’re too embarrassed to talk about something, you might hear and believe things that aren’t accurate. If you have concerns or questions about masturbation, have a conversation with your doctor, nurse, or other health counselor — they’ll have heard questions like this before.
I want to start using birth control but I don’t want to tell my parents I’m having sex. Where/how can I get it without them finding out? A: It can be difficult talking to parents about having sex. But surprisingly, many parents are receptive to discussing sex and birth control. Still, if you can’t talk to your parents, there is a lot you can do. If you are interested in finding out your birth control options and getting sexual health care, your first step should be to set up an appointment with your health professional (pediatrician, gynecologist, adolescent medicine doctor, or other health provider). Or make an appointment at your local Planned Parenthood, free clinic, or at your student health center if you’re in college. Don’t be afraid to discuss birth control with your doctor. Thanks to doctor-patient confidentiality, your doc can’t spill about the Pill to your parents without your permission. The Pill is covered by most health insurance plans, but that may not be an easy option if you are on your parents’ plan. The Pill can cost anywhere from $20 to $50 a month, depending on type, and this may be something you can afford without having to go through insurance. Just remember that if you do go on the Pill, it’s not a free pass to unprotected sex. You should still make sure your partner always wears a condom.
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