Take Care of Yourself
the best sex advice my mom's ever given me
I'm what you would call an early bloomer -- breasts at the age of 8 or 9, menstruating at the age of 11, and accidentally discovering masturbation at the age of 12. (Ladies, if you've never tried it, I highly recommend investing in a good shower head!)
My parents were also very open about everything. I received "the talk" when I was 10 years old (from both of them, separately ... and oddly enough, they both chose to do it while we were in the car driving somewhere, so I'd be trapped!). My dad even introduced me to American Pie at that age, as part of my sex education -- I love those movies! ... but I digress.
I started "dating" when I was 13. I use the term loosely because, well, do middle school relationships count? Anyways, I had a crush on this guy for two years, and we lasted not even four months. A lot can happen in four months though ... no, we didn't "do it", but we certainly had a little fun. Unfortunately, my mom caught us one day ...
So, after that all ended, my mom -- being the very cool mom she is! -- bought me my first vibrator, plus a little booklet about masturbation and female orgasms.
Side note: Did you know most women can't orgasm from penetration alone? That they need some sort of other stimulus as well? Honestly, this was so helpful for me to know when I did start having sex -- I didn't feel bad for not having an orgasm my first time.
When my mom presented me with the vibrator, she explained the importance of being able to take care of myself, and understanding my body. Having over a decade's worth of masturbation experience now, by the time I became sexually active I basically already knew what I like and don't like. Of course, there are still things that you learn when you have a partner involved -- I don't think you can discover EVERY pleasure on your own (plus it's so fun to explore and discover new things with a partner). But, especially with my current boyfriend, the more comfortable I've gotten with him, the more open and vocal I've become about my wants/needs/desires. Some things I shared right away, and others it took me MONTHS before I asked him to do certain things. I didn't want to share ALL of my secret spots right away ... and that's okay. There are also some things that I find pleasurable that I don't want to share with my partner at all, because it's for my alone time only (and, personally, I think we all need that).
I wish they taught things like this in schools, or that every parent was more open like mine. Some of my friends were told "don't have sex" ... that's it. Nothing of value, just a strict warning. Why is it so taboo? I had all this information at my disposal, and I still didn't lose my virginity until I was 24. My parents also encouraged me to try alcohol (under their supervision only), and I chose not to have my first drink until I was 18 (and it was legal). So I really don't understand why adults try to hide all of this valuable knowledge from teens, and I'm especially curious as to how no one has learned yet that, if you tell a teenager to do one thing, there is a 99.9% chance they will do the exact opposite.
So, I'm here to tell anyone who needs to hear this (or for anyone who has a youth in their life, one who they can talk to about this stuff): learn how to take care of yourself before you open yourself up to others. Exploring your body -- your personal pleasures -- is a beautiful journey, and I guarantee it will make sex with a future partner 1000% more enjoyable.