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She's Having Sex Like A Man, And You Think She's Serious

by Ellen "Jelly" McRae 21 days ago in relationships / advice
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How to know if the woman you've slept with isn't serious about a relationship at all.

The world believes women can't have emotionless sex, and uncomplicated affairs, without falling in love.

If the world could have the proverbial wool pulled over its eyes, it would right now.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to women and how they have sex. We enjoy casual sex just as much as men do. Sure, we don't do it as often as men, or for sustained periods of time, but we do it.

And often we hide it so well because we know society will love to point the finger. 

Cue the influx of accusations and judgement as soon as they know we're sleeping around. What we're doing makes us a slut, of course. We're not allowed to be human beings who pursue pure physical contact, and nothing else. 

How unladylike of us.

Thank you world for lying, secrets and ghosting technology. It's made it a lot easier for us women to get away with having our cake and sleep with it too.

The idea of lying, I must admit, makes it challenging for the people we're sleeping with. We know we're breaking the stereotype and behaving in a way that confuses the savviest of daters. 

Because we're not going to tell you we're having sex like a man.

Maybe if we're asked. I doubt, though, we would, just in case of the slut shaming. 

In case that happens to you, and you don't get an answer, here is how to know you've slept with a woman having sex like a man.

She puts you in her diary, but not the way you think

One of the first rules of this style of casual sex is keeping sex as sex, and dating as dating. 

We know what happens when the two cross over; feelings get hurt. The woman isn't worried about her feelings, she's worried about yours. And she doesn't want to go on a date either. 

She just wants sex.

It doesn't stop her from forward planning and organising another time to have sex with you. 

The planning, though, might seem like she is trying to have a date with you. She might ask you around to her place for dinner, or meet her somewhere like a restaurant or cafe. 

This sounds very date-like.

Yet, when the date happens, it's a set-up for sex. This could be:

  • She asked to meet you at the cafe because she's had lunch or coffee and wants to end it with sex.
  • She wants to meet you at the end of her night out with her friends, not the start.
  • You walk into her home and the sex happens first, before any meal or drinks or watching a movie.

And if she spontaneously shows up at your door, which one could see as a romantic gesture, she wants sex. She will initiate the sex with you, leaving no false pretence about the reason for her visit.

Don't expect any details 

A woman having casual sex knows the rules about getting too close, as much as anyone else. 

The emotionally closer you get to the person in your bed, the harder it is for it to be casual. Everyone gets attached, not just her. 

In the spirit of this, the woman isn't going to make you part of her life. Quite the opposite. She will:

  • Avoid telling you where she works - She might tell you what she does for work, a title like "I'm a doctor". But she won't tell you where she works, her specific job title, or when she works. She wouldn't go into any specifics.
  • Avoid telling you about her friends - Of course, she has friends, but she won't refer to them by name. Or if it's a name, don't seem surprised to find out it's a nickname or not even a real name at all. You never meet her friends and family either.
  • Avoid telling you her plans - I did this once. I told someone I was casually sleeping with what bar I was going to be at and he showed up to see me. Never again. Breaking the rules has consequences, and she knows that anything can be misconstrued as an invitation.

She might, however, tell you something no one else knows. 

This is confusing, I know, but as you're a secret to the rest of her life, she trusts you with something deep down. It might be something sexual, like a kink or position she likes.

Why, though? Well, there's no fear of judgement from you about this side of her life because she doesn't plan for you to be in it all that long.

She cares about your body, not what you think of her.

Don't expect the phone to ring 

Calls are way too personal when you're having casual sex with someone. Gone are the days when we value phone calls anyway. 

For someone to call you is to invade your personal life. A woman having casual sex knows this and like keeping all her life away from you, familiarity gets packed away with it.

All the communication with you is via some sort of messaging service. 

It could be through something like WhatsApp, where the conversation is easily hidden away if necessary.

Some women having casual sex will contact you through social media.

But this isn't a guarantee. 

Once you know their socials, it's easy for you to follow and become part of their life. It's dangerous territory for someone trying to keep you at arm's length.

If they do happen to contact you through social media, they never befriend or follow you. Again, keeping the separation.

Don't expect a raised voice

You can't upset a woman who doesn't care. 

There is anything you can say or do that offends her, because she only cares about sex with you. Sure, you can offend her in the bedroom or do something she doesn't like. But she doesn't hold this faux pas against you. It's a clashing of interests and that happens. 

We're all human.

You won't find this woman annoyed at you like you might a girlfriend. She doesn't care about what you do or say in terms of a relationship with you, because she isn't emotionally invested.

The only instance where she might become annoyed is if you're late. 

Or you don't show up to a get-together with her. 

More than likely she won't tell you how annoyed she is, though. She simply won't want to get together anymore. You might become ghosted, or she might tell you she's seeing someone else. 

Even if it's not true.

But what about all her 'normal' behaviour? 

The part that might confuse you the most is the way a woman having this type of casual sex treats you behind closed doors. 

She might physically interact with you in a way women normally do when they have romantic interests in you. This could be:

  • Hugging you, cuddling with you, having her hands on you
  • Kissing you outside of the bedroom
  • Having sleepovers with you, sharing a bed with you, not kicking you out as soon as sex is over

Despite the fact she is having casual sex, it doesn't mean the process has to be clinical. 

Affection and sex go hand in hand, after all. This is her sexual attraction language. 

It's her way of showing you she wants you inside her.

Everything has to add up

Everyone has their own way of dating. Some are more intense. Some are more casual than others. Each to their own.

You might start dating a woman and she behaves like one of the ways on this list. That doesn't mean she's casual in her approach to the relationship with you. It doesn't mean she's sleeping with you like a man.

These actions need to add up before you can come to this conclusion. And add up for some time before you can definitively say what type of dating she is exercising.

But the biggest giveaway of all will be her intentions for you. If she tells you she wants to keep it casual and fun, that's your red flag right there. When a woman wants to date you, explore more than sex with you, she says it.

Not in those words, but she won't keep you at arm's length forever.

Have fun figuring it out.


About the author

Ellen "Jelly" McRae

Writes about romanceships (romance + relationships) | Loves to talk about behind the scenes of being a solopreneur on The Frolics | Writes 1 Lovelock Drive | Discover everything I do and share here:

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