Rekindle Your Passion Workbook

by Kara Kanai 5 months ago in relationships

Creating Closer Bonds

Rekindle Your Passion Workbook

Introduction

Welcome to the ‘couples enrichment’ workbook! Guaranteed to improve your communication, enhance your intimacy and expand your sexual horizon.-when you do the Love Work ~Kay

Does this sound familiar?

You’re constantly arguing and wondering why everything turns into a blow out fight

Your sex life is no longer as hot and passionate as it once was, or maybe it’s non-existent

You had an affair and are unsure how to work through it

Your partner cheated and you’re contemplating leaving or staying together

You’ve been growing apart; there’s a distance that did not exist before

You feel disconnected and detached from your partner

When you approach your partner about an issue, he or she shuts down or refuses to problem solve together

You're lonely, unheard, and unsupported in your relationship

You have difficulty agreeing on life goals, such as kids, money management, or a work/life balance

You struggle to talk about your sexual preferences and desires

You have a lot of unmet needs (physical and emotional)

You’ve brought baggage from past relationships into your current one

You don’t trust your partner and are unsure how to forgive any hurts

You don’t feel like a priority

You constantly feel like you’re taking one step forward and two steps back in your relationship

You’re considering a breakup or divorce

Forgiveness Letter

I want you to write a forgiveness letter to your partner and yourself. Resentment is known to ruin relationships. Establishing a clean slate will not only give you a fresh start, it helps the process of drawing together and becoming intimate is learning to forgive. Visualize your love healing your partner’s wounds and your partner’s love energy healing you.

Each individual should write down his/her(s) resentments in a letter to h/h partner describing how h/h feelings have been affected

Self-Care

Masturbation should be at the top of the list when it comes to self-care practices. Masturbation is so heavy and has so many health benefits like

It helps you sleep better at night

It reduces the risk of prostate cancer

It strengthens your pelvic floor

It reduces your risk of vaginal infection

It increases immune function. ...

It gives you the chance to enjoy truly safe sex

It improves heart health and much, much more.

Simple fact is if you “don’t want to fuck yourself who else would want to fuck you?”-Kay

Understanding this phrase: Until you love yourself you can never truly love anybody else. You should be able to make passionate love to yourself with any hesitations. If this is an issue for you I suggest you start making love to yourself right now! Set the mood, stage the setting with candles, light music, sex toys? Get yourself in the mood by rubbing your whole body and discover your erogenous zones, get in touch with yourself. Whether you're male or female we all have things that turn us on. Maybe some erotica gets you in the mood, whatever works for you. Once you set the mood for yourself you can passionately make love to yourself by making intimate sounds (moans and groans gasps etc…) Try different strokes, techniques and different positions, do what works for you. Make love to yourself until your toes curl, your eyes roll in the back of your head, tensing up and gripping the sheets. You can simply do this exercise to reach orgasm or just to explore what feels good and discovering your sexual-self.

I advise you to masturbate at least 1-2 times per week, there’s no exact number of how much or how little to masturbate. Due to the health benefits and keeping your sex drive up, So...like I said before to those of you uncomfortable with the fact of masturbating it’s time to grow up and take control of your pleasure. Nobody is responsible for your pleasure but yourself, it’s nobody’s job but your own. Take action and start fucking yourself in the way you deserve you’ll discover deeper connection with yourself sexually. A way of self-expression, awareness and discovery about you are as a sexual being and your sex-signature.

Art of Seduction

Now when you think of seduction what is the first thing that comes to mind?

I think of flirting, erotic talk. teasing, kissing etc....To keep seduction in the relationship or bring it back I always remind you to ‘date each other’. To date each other is to stay curious, mysterious and unpredictable to your partner just like when you two got together. You flirted with your body language, eye fucking the shit out of him. Smiling so big by how much she turns you on, touching her thigh in excitement. Trying to impress and be on your best behavior and be your best you in front of him/her. That infatuation used to be there but how do we get it back? Simple, you need to date your mate, Become interesting, unpredictable and available to your partner, make your partner crave you! Here are a few examples to help.

Be playful

Brush up your skills

Maintain separate interests, hobbies and social groups

Take on multiple personalities in bed

Indulge your lover in him/her fantasies

Talk dirty

Play the bad boy (or girl) once in a while

Cuddle naked

Wear red

Seduction Techniques:

~Compliments will get you far you can use compliments in the bedroom to intensify arousal:

“I love when you….” “You’re the best at….” “It drives me wild when you…..” “I can’t resist your…..” ~Sexting sex and technology form the perfect pair to enhance your love life. Sending sexy texts throughout the day or week can cause tension to mount to levels in which you’ll want to tear each other's clothes off.

What Is A Spoiling Session?

A spoiling session is a magical, sexy, multi-purpose exercise that allows you to gain a deeper understanding of your own sexual needs and the sexual needs of your partner, while simultaneously reconnecting you as a couple and melting away the subtle shame and resistance that each partner may or may not have towards sex in general.

A spoiling session is a predetermined amount of time where one partner (the recipient) gets to have whatever they want done to them/on them/for them, as long as those things fall within the realm of comfort for the giving partner.

For example, one partner’s spoiling session could look like the following…

“For sixty minutes, every Tuesday night, sometime after 5pm, I will lay on my back while my favorite music plays throughout the room, and my partner will massage me, kiss my forehead, perform oral sex on me, and then cuddle with me inside of a big, warm blanket.”

How Does My Partner Know What To Do During My Spoiling Session?

There are two ways that you can go about informing your partner as to what you would like to happen during your spoiling session.

You can either…

1. Write it down and/or tell them out loud in advance what you would like to happen.

Or…

2. You can tell them as your spoiling session is happening, moment to moment, as your desires naturally shift.

In terms of personal growth, sexual shame melting, and your overall intimate connection as a couple, I strongly recommend doing the second one, if you are able to.

I know it’s more potentially challenging to ask for things while you’re in the middle of it… but that’s the whole point. You not only get to experience blissful sexual pleasure, exactly as you would like to experience it, but you ALSO get the opportunity to become more vocal during sexual play, and ask for your sexual needs to be met.

Intimate Communication

Expressing and communicating your needs, wants, desires, fantasies to your partner is crucial. There has to be trust in each other in order to achieve this ultimate component. Is communicating a problem for you in your relationship? Without being able to communicate in your relationship is probably just the beginning and probably suffering from multiple issues. In order to have your relationship the best it's ever been is to start with this exercise……... Be Honest! Everyone's needs, wants, desires and fantasies change over time. So considering that you may know what you want or your partner is aware. Personal growth changes frequently, whether you communicated your personal preferences before to your lover I suggest you revisit this conversation again. Communication is key!

List all your Turn on's

List all your Turn off's

List all your needs

List all your wants

Desire List

Fantasy List

Sexual & Sensual Desire List

Our culture does not always make us feel as if our needs for sex, sensuality, and intimacy are normal/healthy. We are usually not taught how to openly explore what it is that we want or need. This tool opens up a space to explore the things which you find sexually or sensually enjoyable, and helps you examine how much you enjoy it. Hopefully you will come up with some new things you hadn’t thought of before, so long as they are consensual and legal between the parties involved.

Step 1. Consider what sexual activities you enjoy, no matter how much or how little you enjoy it, in the context of alone or with a partner/partners. These can be things you have tried or want to try. Write them down below. Next think beyond sex & orgasm: consider activities which provide intimacy, sensual fulfillment, and arousal. This might also include kink or fetishes. Write those down below

Step 2. Score each activity – 0 is no enjoyment, 10 is the most enjoyment, and everything in between.

Step 3. Reflect. How many of the top activities do you currently seek out? What have you not tried? Are any feelings of embarrassment or shame coming up? Consider why. Promise you will seek out the things which are rewarding to you.

Describe the experience briefly (sensual or sexual)

Enjoyment Scale

0= None at all

10= The Most

How We Use Sexual Desire

We choose to be sexual, so let’s identify your reasons and motivations. We all have different motivations & desires when it comes to how sexuality is used, reasons behind wanting to be sexual, what needs it fulfills, etc . Our motivations may not be too present or powerful, or our needs may not be getting met because our partner has a different set of needs and motivations. This may bring up feelings of disappointment, rejection, dissatisfaction, and ultimately, disconnection. This exercise helps you explore “WHY” you are sexual. Consider where you overlap and where you don’t with a partner. For this exercise, “sexual desire” is meant broadly related to pleasure & orgasm, and also physical intimacy. Also consider if needs feel unmet, how else to meet that need.

BELOW ARE COMMON MOTIVATIONS TO SEEK OUT SEXUAL CONNECTION. WHICH ONES APPLY TO YOU, HOW IMPORTANT ARE THEY, AND DOES THAT NEED FEEL MET AT PRESENT?

(0 = NO IMPORTANCE AT ALL, 10 = THE MOST IMPORTANCE

For Physical Pleasure

Importance (0-10)

Is This Need Met?

YES [ ]

NO [ ]

Other Ways to Meet Need?

To Feel Loved

Importance (0-10)

Is this Need Met?

Yes [ ]

No [ ]

Other Ways to Meet Need?

To Relax

Importance (0-10)

Is this Need Met?

Yes [ ]

No [ ]

Other Ways to meet need?

Because your “suppose to”

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ]

No [ [

Other ways to meet need?

To improve self-esteem or to feel attractive

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ]

No [ [

Other ways to meet need?

To make up after a conflict

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

To punish the partner

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

To improve your bad mood

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

To improve your partner’s mood

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

For our survival

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

To express ourselves or for spiritual purposes

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

To detach from the world

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

To avoid feeling certain emotions

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

To pass time/ out of boredom

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

To express commitment

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

As evidence that our relationship is secure

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

To test my partner to see if they still love me

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

To fix the relationship

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

Other:

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

Other:

Importance (0=10)

Is this need met?

Yes [ ] No [ ]

Other ways to meet need?

How did these exercises work out? Easy or hard? Did you discover more about yourself or your partner? What conversations got brought up between you and your partner? Did you learn anything new about yourself or your partner? Don’t forget these exercises are to help get in touch with your intimate self and be able to express yourself sexually without judgement, it’s about honesty. I hope what you got out of these exercises really help you understand yourself or your partner more. Having a more common ground of where they stand with their needs, wants, desires and fantasies will really help bring that spark back. Warning! Resulting in ultimate connection with partner and sparks of intimacy will ignite.

Wake Up Your Sex Drive

I’m sure we can all agree on times we faced low sex drive or no sex drive at all. Being able to wake up your libido and get your sex drive alive again is more than possible and pretty easy to do. My motto is ‘if you don’t use it, your gonna lost it’ with sex this is very true! Fact is the more sex you have, the more interest you have it, the more it takes place. Sex needs to be a priority in relationships! Some couples I work with have such sexless relationships/marriages. They wonder why they are so miserable. Problem is many couples don’t want to put in the effort of keeping the interest there. But lets go to the couples that want change and excitement back in their sex lives. Want desire, pleasure and truth. Welcome to Kara’s workshop a guide to enhance your sex drive and reclaiming your love life.

Can you imagine what this would feel like for you?

What would it look like in your life?

What would it feel like in your body?

You can have this because you already have the capacity to have this. The only thing that stands between you and having this is your relationship to your desire, your pleasure and your truth.

Why?

Because, first of all, there is nothing wrong with you.

There is something wrong with how society teaches us to relate to ourselves, our desire, pleasure and truth that creates low libido.

There is something wrong when we don’t prioritize ourselves, when we don’t take care of ourselves and expect ourselves to run on empty. This is what this guide is all about. Are you ready to reclaim YOUR desire & pleasure? If your answer is yes, keep reading. But I want to warn you first. If you’re looking for a quick fix that will require nothing of you or your life, like a Viagra or Sanserif, this path is not right for you. If you want to keep doing the same thing as you’ve been doing but hoping something will be different, you’ll arrive at the same results - just more disappointed.

The path I am going to introduce in this guide is going to change your relationship to yourself, your desire, pleasure and truth at the deepest level.

This path will help you discover, explore, and nurture your sexuality in a way that will have you feel so fulfilled and turned on that you become ravenous about sharing this with your partner - without having to force yourself, compromise or negotiate the ‘non-negotiable’ parts of yourself.

Are you ready?

The first step to reigniting your libido is to understand your relationship to your desire and clear out all the beliefs, assumptions and past experiences that prevent you from hearing and feeling it

Sexual Beliefs Survey

PURPOSE: To help you identify and begin to process any negative or unproductive thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs about sex by writing about them. To help you also identify your positive and affirming thoughts, attitudes and beliefs about sex. Get yourself a notebook to use as your "Sexual Self-Discovery Journal" and begin to "free write" regarding the following questions:

What do I think about sex? How do I feel about it? "I think sex is…" (List all your honest thoughts about sex.)

What are my insecurities, vulnerabilities, fears, memories and inhibitions regarding sex and sexuality.

What negative experiences have I had from past experiences with sex?

What inhibitions or psychological barriers do I think I may have regarding sex?

How important is the sexual relationship in marriage? How important is sexuality to me?

List as many genuine, positive thoughts and feelings as you can about sex

Write out any additional information or observations related to your thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, etc., about sex…

Ok, now that you passed that exercise now we can continue…...

Here is the first step: take 5 minutes to journal about your relationship to your desire. And be brutally honest with yourself as this is the foundation for all remaining work.

Do you give yourself permission to desire?

Do you welcome it? Ignore it? Shame it? Disregard it? Judge it?

Do you judge yourself for having it? Feel guilty?

JOURNAL EXERCISE

Describe your relationship with your desire. Where & how do you judge yourself and hold desire back?

Take a moment now to notice your body. What sensations do you feel in your body right now? Do you feel heat or coolness in your hands? Tightness or relaxation in your chest? Lightness or heaviness in your torso? Relaxation or contraction in your genitals? Notice the emotions that may have arisen during this process. Allow them. Feel them. When we talk about desire, when we open the channel to free and honest felt communication about what we deeply want, more desire starts to flow.

The health of your sexual libido depends on how you treat all desires. It’s that simple.

Practicing desire is like practicing a muscle. It takes time, attention and dedication to learn to listen to the inner voice of desire.

Do the following exercise, which I call the “desire list” now, and also make it a regular practice to build your desiring muscle.

Journal Exercise

What desires are calling to you right now? Without overthinking it, write down the first 10 desires that arise in your awareness below. Notice if you want to edit the list. Or if you get stuck figuring out your desires.

Or you feel guilty having them in the first place. Notice and keep writing. Small desires or big, whatever comes up is the right answer. Desires are always stated in the positive. For example: instead of “I don’t want to work in corporate anymore”, write “I want a to do meaningful work with kids.”

1. ________________________________________________________________________________

2. ________________________________________________________________________________

3. ________________________________________________________________________________

4. ________________________________________________________________________________

5. ________________________________________________________________________________

6. ________________________________________________________________________________

7. ________________________________________________________________________________

8. ________________________________________________________________________________

9. ________________________________________________________________________________

10.________________________________________________________________________________

Awesome! Keep doing this practice to build your desiring muscle and start listening to what your body, mind and soul are calling for. Do this every morning for a week. Do it before your to- do list, before your cup of coffee, Definitely before checking email, or even before waking your kids or your partner. Do it for yourself. When you change your relationship with your desire, your sexual libido starts to wake up. When you welcome desire with open arms, you start knowing what feels good to you. When you know what feels good to you, you want more of it

Whatever brings you pleasure is your pleasure.

In my coaching program, I talk about five areas of critical self-care that bring pleasure. What each looks like depends on the woman. I encourage all women to find that brings them pleasure in each of these areas for a well-rounded pleasure approach that allows them to fully relax, express and release .

These are:

● Touch

● Expressive, free-form movement

● Emotional expression

● Stillness

● Creative expression

These components serve the different aspects of being a woman - our physiological needs, creative needs, spiritual needs and our sexual needs. There is so much I can share with you on all of these, but for this guide, I want to focus on one type of pleasure that that gets rarely talked about.

And you’re probably thinking that it might be hard to ask your partner for what you want.

Yes, it might be. And you’re probably wanting to bail just about now, because it might be a lot of work to take responsibility for your own pleasure and self-care.

You’re right.

The biggest obstacle of women getting the pleasure we desire is us: our commitment to ourselves. But, really, what is the cost? The cost is our health, livelihood, well-being - and sadly, often our relationships.

When you’re ready to explore your body’s needs, use this meditation and exercise to hear its desires around touch.

Do a Body Scan Meditation, outlined on the following page, to tap into what your body is wanting. I recommend spending a minimum of 5 minutes on this exercise at first. Then do this every day and expand it to half an hour over time.

Then journal your findings and aha! moments to the right.

BODY SCAN MEDITATION

Find a comfortable space to sit or lie down. Close your eyes and take a few breaths. Start scanning your body starting with your feet. Feel into your feet and ask your feet what they desire for pleasure. Then, scanning up your torso, up your legs and thighs, asking these body parts what they desire, what they’re craving for.

Move up the body, repeating the asking, ending with your head. When you’re done, take three deep breaths, coming back to the present and open your eyes.

Jot down in the space to the right what came up for you and any realizations or aha! moments.

What desires arose during the exercise? Did you feel pressure to get creative in terms of what your body desired? What sensations came up in your body? What thoughts come up as you wrote your list? Jot down any.

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Now that you’re getting more intimate with the desires of your body, it’s time to ask for what you want.

So far we’ve talked about giving yourself permission to desire. We’ve talked about filling up on pleasure, especially touch. Now is the last part: owning your truth with another. What does that mean? Owning your desires. Asking for what you want. Being honest about what you’re feeling - in your relationships.

All relationships. If you feel scared here, it’s ok. Intimacy can be scary, really scary. Asking for what you want can trigger fear of rejection, judgement, and loss of the security that’s the status quo. The thing is that truth - that is, expressing what is true for you, whether it’s your emotional state, your opinion, or a request for something - is a major turn-on. Try it out, right now. Think of one thing that you’ve been very afraid to ask your partner or a close friend that's really important to you. That one thing that’s been on your mind that you’ve been afraid to ask for. Notice how your body feels when you think about that truth. For most, thinking about that scary thing will have our hearts racing and our palms sweating.

These “symptoms” are the same as signs of turn on.

Desire loves honesty. In fact, desire thrives in truth and intimacy. Which is why your body is telling you, “hey, this is important” with its raised heart-rate. In this step, you get to practice what you learned in the first two steps of this guide.

You get to own your desire.

You get to own what gives you pleasure.

You get to connect with another over what’s important to you.

You get to ask for what you want.

Truth can have many variations, but one thing is always the same. It is what is truly happening with you and for you - without filters, adjustments or withholds. A large portion of the work I do with women is looking at all the ways we don’t ask for what we want, and they include:

● Asking for what you can get, instead of for exactly what you want

● Giving, sharing, pleasuring your partner without asking for what you need, assuming he will know

● Not asking for adjustment around what you need and tolerating what is given

● Withholding how you really feel and shrugging it off with “I am fine ”

● Not being able to say no

● Not asking for help

It is so common to bargain our needs and desires for our relationships. To bargain ourselves to hold on to love or security. To give away what is precious to us in hopes of reciprocity in return. In this barter system, desire has no chance.

And that has to stop.

When you allow yourself to express yourself - your desires, your feelings and your needs - your libido thrives.

Truth is fuel. Truth is a turn-on. And it is not only where your turn-on thrives. This is where intimacy thrives. Intimacy with people around you. Intimacy with your partner who can now know what’s going on for you - and who now has a chance to make it work for all involved. When we hold back the truth, even what I call “little lies”, we create a wall between us and our partners. But it’s not only them that we keep out. When we don’t tell the truth, we disrespect our own desires and our own bodies.

Think about it:

● With every “little lie” about how we feel, we tell others that we don’t matter.

● With every “I am fine”, we show that we can tolerate whatever is given, even

breadcrumbs.

● With every day that goes by without asking for what we need, we show that our

needs are met when they’re not.

● With every time we say “yes” when we’re a “no”, we say that our boundaries are not

important.

Telling the truth is about being vulnerable and allowing others to see you. It’s about your sexuality because it is about surrender of yourself to another - the fundamental element of what sex is all about.

And that surrender depends on how comfortable you are owning your desires and your pleasure. That is why truth is a powerful turn-on.

Start practicing speaking your truth as if it were a muscle. Starting with yourself, being unwavering honest with yourself about what you have been withholding, and your deep desires. Then do this with others. Tread lightly at first and build up to bigger truths slowly. Sharing your truth is not about whacking others with some big revelation. It’s about you being open and honest about who you are and what you want. Truth is most potent in the moment when it’s felt. So notice if you hold on to your truth for a while, waiting for the right moment for example. And challenge yourself to speak your truth when it comes up, when you feel it.

JOURNAL EXERCISE

PART 1: Journal about what truths you’ve been feeling but have dared not to express to your partner or others. Be unwaveringly honest with yourself - that’s where the turn-on starts.

JOURNAL PART 2: Write down what’s holding you back from expressing these needs & desires. Again, be bold and honest with yourself. Knowing what holds you back gives you the choice to break through behaviors that do not serve you.

Sex-Signature

What is a sex-signature it’s simply just like finger prints in a way everyone is unquie and when it comes to your sexuality not one is the same. Were all different and have different sexual preferences. Were all unique sexually, owning your sexuality is the first step to sexual discovery not only for yourself but in your relationship. Being able to express yourself sexuality and accept it for what it really is and own it! Look at your sexual self as a personality trait it what makes you, you, the final you. If you look down or bash your sexuality or try to hide it you're just disrespecting yourself and who you truly are. That’s why it’s so important to make love to yourself with confidence, feel comfortable in your own skin. Owning your sexuality is a everything to have a successful and thriving sex life with yourself or with your partner. That’s the secret own your sex-signature and define who you really are and take pride in yourself, its what makes you!

Sexual Fantasies

Many of us tend to feel shy about having sexual fantasies, or even guilty. But the experts say that a vibrant fantasy life is an important element of healthy sexuality, and should be encouraged in people who’ve suppressed it or simply haven’t had many fantasies before.

You could also try erotic books, magazines, art and movies for inspiration. Even those that aren’t explicitly erotic may serve to turn you on: some people find sweet old-fashioned love stories do it for them; others get excited by action movies.

Add zest and romance to your life

Boost intimacy

Are an exciting avenue of escape

Rekindle sexual arousal

Heighten enjoyment of sex

Opens you up to new activities

It's fun!

Talk with your lover about your fantasies. Talk together about how meaningful sharing fantasies could be for the two of you. Disclosing your fantasies can add new excitement and rekindle sexual arousal. Become aware of the self-knowledge to be gained by examining your fantasies. On the other hand, fantasies can just be fun without any significance! Sharing and acting out your fantasies can open wonderful avenues to heightening your enjoyment of sex and life together. It also opens you up to engaging in new activities. Act out your fantasies with a relaxed and playful attitude!

Have fun! Fantasizing itself can be an erotic sexual activity.

Common Sexual Fantasies

• Having sex in public places.

• Having sex with more than one partner.

• Having sex out in nature or some other appealing setting.

• Being sexually dominated or dominating your partner.

• Having sex with a prostitute or gigolo.

• Being a prostitute or gigolo.

• Cross-dressing.

• Gender reversal, that is, imagining that you are a member

of the opposite sex.

• Having sex with a celebrity.

• Pretending to be a celebrity or fictional character.

• Watching other people have sex.

Fantasy Love work

Write down all of your fantasies on a stack of cards. Then sort your cards into four separate piles:

1) Fantasies you want to make a reality.

2) Fantasies you’re resistant to sharing with your lover, but want to keep as fantasies.

3) Fantasies that you’re neutral about.

4) Fantasies that turn you off.

Now put piles 1 and 2 into a priority list. Have an open and honest discussion with your partner about your fantasies. Discuss why you think they turn you on and how they help you to get more aroused. Make a commitment to make at least one of your partner’s fantasies come true

Reasons To Talk Erotically

Restoring your partnered sex life is not the only reason to incorporate erotic talk into your sexual diet. Other reasons include:

• Switch power roles

• Attend to deep conflicts

• Influence sexual behavior

• Increase arousal

• Orgasm

• Keep a sexual constant

• Trial of future encounters

• Escape reality

• Resist sexual restraints

• Experience dangerous situations safely

• Experience illegal situations legally

• Change self-concept

Ideas to help you start talking erotically:

• Read erotica to each other

• Listen to an erotic audio together

• Watch an erotic video together

• Look at an erotic magazine together

• Write erotic notes to each other

• Record a sensual message on their phone.

Oral sex is a intimate way to honor your lover

Role-playing is a great way to spice up oral sex

• Begin with choosing a character you would like to act out

–For example, a woman can be a sexy French maid wearing no panties, sent to ‘clean’ his genitals with her tongue-

• Play out your most favorite fantasies

–Make sure you each get a turn at role-playing-

• Incorporate techniques you have learned as well as the new positions for a very pleasurable experience

Get bubbly

-While performing fellatio, stop occasionally to sip some bubbly soda or champagne and then reinsert his penis in your mouth

–Trickling your favorite beverage over his penis and around his testes before lavishing him with your tongue is equally delectable for the giver and receiver

Double Blind Study

–Get totally naked and in a comfortable position

–Use a scarf or sleep mask to blindfold each other

–Then give each other totally uninhibited oral sex until you both climax

Having a good time? Hope I’m not imposing just want you to enjoy yourself with this workbook and that’s assigning a lot of ‘love work’ but also to become aware of what you are doing when doing these exercises? Since you’ve got this far what have you learned about yourself or your partner? Does this workbook excite you or did you already give up? These are some examples of what I have my clients practice in my line of work. I establish ground with them in understanding what goals are to be met and then flood them with optional exercises and knowledge they would have never seen coming! Haha. What can I say I coach differently than most and that’s how I stand out and get the job done for my clients. My clients see results and don’t partner long with them at all. Why? Because I don’t want to have a client that has been with me five years or more. If that was the case I would look at myself and consider what I’m doing wrong as a coach. I give my clients a round about time that they should achieve this goal or goals and they have to follow through.! Understand me though...this is my passion and my career I built from the ground up. I take no petty or slacking in my office for people that don’t want to do the work or think that they're gonna wake up with a good life. Everything takes effort and dedication and as long as you are willing to do those things I promise you I will guide you the rest of the way. So if you are not convinced by now to join my coaching maybe a little bit more will convince you.

Carry on!

Grounds of Intimacy

True or False.

A relationship would die without intimacy being present?

If you answered true you are correct! A relationship/marriage will not survive without intimacy. Now in saying that I’m sure you are not aware of the 5 types of intimacy there really is. Quick review, emotional, intellectual, physical, sexual and spiritual are the 5 types of intimacy. Let me tell you that intimacy grows over time it’s just not there in the relationship it takes time like building a muscle. Intimacy is like an onion peeling back layer by layer. In understanding that truth what you do with your intimacy and how strong you want to make it is complete up to you. Don’t get me wrong it takes a lot of skill, effort, time and dedication to build a foundation but it can be done. Our motto is always to “date your mate” to bring intimacy back in the relationship.

Most of you might be experience lack of intimacy now including:

Habit of criticism

Built up anger or resentment

Failure to communicate

Lack of trust in one’s partner or one’s self

Anxiety about one’s physical appearance

“Spectatoring” during Lovemaking

“Spectatoring” is a therapist’s term for apprehensively observing one’s own behavior during lovemaking because one is so anxious about performing well sexually.

De-empathizing the value of sex

Predictable, Mechanical sex

Lack of sensitivity

Absence of non-sexual physical touching

Media distractions

Instead of living in that horror of forgotten intimacy here’s a prescription I will give you to heal not cure your wounds.

~Gain mutual trust again

~Learn to enjoy sensuality

~Relate sexually as lovers (reassure each other)

Simple ideas to ignite intimacy again are

Sharing your deepest darkest secrets, desires and fantasies. Letting your partner in again to see you fully will truly be a connection you won’t forget. Be vulnerable and be honest. Tell him/her what you really want and need for your relationship to thrive.

Take a bath or shower together. This really gets things going under steamy water beating on you and your lover. Take it a step further and bathe your lover with a scrubby light some candles. This is for sure to get you in the mood, I mean you're both already naked. Why not?

Hold hands together

Make sex a priority not a routine, switch positions, settings and be unpredictable for your man and always make room for quickies.

Cuddle, this releases Oxycontin in the brain which is also known for the “bonding chemical” bring you naturally closer, literally.

Try new activities together something you’ve never done before. Picnic in the park, cooking class, painting, start a project together that you finish together.

Make-out with each other. Kissing releases chemicals that include Oxycontin, dopamine, and serotonin, which can make you feel euphoric and encourage feelings of affection and bonding.

Flirt with each other remember I said to date your mate? Well this is what I’m talking about that infatuation with each other brings it back and flirt like no other. Ladies get all dolled up for no reason just wearing lingerie. Men bring her flowers and hold open the car door for her, touch her thigh when you two laugh together.

Eye-gazing this practice is a Tantra practice that has been used for over 5,000 years stare into your lover’s left eye (gateway to the soul) for about 5 minutes releasing Oxycontin which is the ‘bonding chemical’

Read or watch erotica together, watch porn together. This won’t let you down if anything it will cheer you up and bring you two closer than ever before.

Sexual Desire

How Frisky Do You Feel?

Start by getting in tune with your body. Think about how you feel. Without any particular stimuli, do you feel like having sex? Try rating yourself on a scale of one to five. When you think you can assess how frisky you’re feeling, you can start a ‘diary’.

Monitor your feelings at intervals during the day. Try testing yourself say, when you wake up, mid - morning, lunchtime, tea time, during the early evening and at bed time (assuming you work a ‘normal’ day). Put your results on the graph below. It’s often interesting to compare results, so why not get a friend or a partner to try this as well

How Did You Do?

If you’re a man, you probably found that you felt more like sex at certain times of day than at others. This is partly to do with how your hormones are cycling: if your testosterone peak s in the morning, chances are that’s when you feel friskiest. Many men like sex best first thing in the morning. But if your testosterone peaks in the evening then you’ll

probably more into nights of passion.If you’re a woman, you may have found there was less of a marked change throughout the day. Women’s sex drive, although affected by the level of testosterone, is not driven by it to the same extent as men’s sex drive is. Several other hormones, including estrogen and progesterone, affect women’s libido, and there is evidence suggesting that women are more affected by subtle environmental factors than men are. The bottom line is that we are all complex individuals, and although hormone levels influence our behavior, they are certainly not the only important factors affecting the way

We live and love.

How Well Matched Are You And Your Partner?

If you and your partner have both measured your friskiness levels throughout the day, you can easily see if there are any ‘prime times’, when you’re both feeling pretty frisky. Or maybe there are times when one of you is ready for sex and the other definitely isn’t? Can you put this information to good use?

relationships
Kara Kanai
Kara Kanai
Read next: Titty Tote Time
Kara Kanai

Easy-going, Pisces with a great sense of humor.

I have such a passion for writing and always have.

Self-taught, Self-made.

Love to give what my readers are looking for a descriptive story with all five senses

See all posts by Kara Kanai