Love is Part VII

We are the ones who are unexpected, doubted and pushed aside. The basket cases. The rebellious bunch. The fighters and the truth seekers. We are the wounded warriors transforming our pain into pleasure and breaching through the paradox. We are fearless and we are coming for everything that is ours. It’s our time.

THE FOUNDATION: Victoria Wilson starring as Alexandra "Lexi" Howard

I am my most creative, vulnerable, & comfortable self when no one is watching. I know that I won’t be inaccurately perceived. That is the most exhausting part about being around others. You never know what someone is truly thinking or feeling about you.

My childhood aspiration was to be a singer/dancer. I honor that part of myself by listening to songs and watching the artists that influenced me growing up. I haven’t been able to truly fulfill my childhood dreams of being an artist but I have a strong feeling that one day I will.

I was very quiet and kind, but also anxious and weak. A huge crybaby. I’m still the same person but now I dont take anyone else’s shit & I stand up for myself. I am far more secure knowing who I am. I’m also chill & funny as fuck so there’s that.

I was an emotionally intelligent child. I have always been aware of myself, others, and fully aware of where my pain and trauma stemmed from. I just never had anyone to comfort me throughout it all. There was no other choice but to keep living & pray that time would heal me and change my heart. Nothing more, nothing less.

The Breakthrough

My experiences have caused me to be very guarded by not letting anyone get too close to my heart. I know how deeply I can love and care for people. I know how much of myself I am willing to give. It hurts deeply when people continuously hurt you or let you down. I have learned that it IS okay to walk away from people sometimes. I’ve also learned that it doesnt make me a bad person to have and enforce boundaries. Honoring and respecting myself is just as important as honoring and respecting others.

I haven’t always been my best self towards others. I’d say I have been the most abusive towards myself. I’m hard on myself because everyone was always hard on me. Amidst my trauma and pain, I actually do a damn good job at this life shit. I’m trying to unlearn that behavior. I have never given up on myself. Even in my darkest moments, I always believed in me.

I’ve learned to never use sex as a placeholder for real love, attention, & human affection . . . particularly when you’ve been deprived of the three.

I just want to be remembered for how much I loved my people & the foundation I’m about to build for my current & future bloodline.

THE SILENT TRUTH: Shakeria Cohen starring as Cassandra "Cassie" Howard

When no one is watching I am more open and less introverted. I see myself being more comfortable and not the one who hides her true feelings or actions in public. This is when I’m free to be me without anyone judging me! This is when my true potential comes out. This is where my self-love starts to increase.

I desire to be loved because it enhances my happiness. I have been a lover since I was a little girl. I wasn’t getting the right affection from the people around me and it caused me to form separation anxiety. Ever since then, I loved everyone around me harder than I really should’ve.

As a child, I always wanted to have my own business and become a model. I am 20 years old, and I have been modeling for a year now. I have done a lot with my modeling career and I can say that this is just the beginning. I currently have an online boutique by the name of The Luxe Beauty Vault LLC. It is in the works and it should be launching in JULY 2022. My business has been trial and error but I know that this is it for me. My business will be successful and everything I desire will come to me and more. Stay tuned!

I graduated two years ago so I am still growing into the woman I want to become.

I have been emotionally and mentally abused as a little girl by my family. People might not take emotional abuse as something that’s serious but I’m here to say that it is. This is why I have separation anxiety. This is why I am so introverted. This is why I love so hard. It affected me so much that I look at life differently. I know exactly how I want to be loved. I know exactly how people around me should be loved so here I am with open arms to everyone. Even to people who claim they don’t need it.

I have been abusive to people who tried to be in a relationship with me. I thought that they were going to treat me like everyone else, so I didn’t give them my all as I should’ve. This caused them to look at me differently and not trust me. I just wanted to protect myself and didn’t realize that it was hurting them in the long run.

THE RELIEF

I need to forgive myself. I say this because in the past I tolerated things that I should not have.

I am just now starting to heal my pain from emotional abuse as a child. I am beginning to love myself more and I am putting my all into everything I desire. I began modeling and doing stuff I love, and it honestly makes me so happy.

I discovered that you need to love yourself before loving someone else. To feel appreciated you need self-love because sex is not the answer to feeling loved or appreciated by anyone. You have to start by loving yourself.

I am letting go and starting to love myself correctly this time.      

THE DIVA: Trashae Bradley starring as Madeleine "Maddy" Perez

I was born to be a superstar. In fact, my favorite movie growing up was Superstar where Molly Shannon played the leading role. She’s a comical genius and I can relate to the sense of humor she portrayed in that 1999 film. I would recite the movie word for word as a kid not even realizing that subconsciously I loved it because it showcased my own life and strange personality.

I am wildly creative, bossy and spunky. I am a visionary and I feel like I’m the closest to god when I have the freedom to invest in my crafts. A lover of art, music, movement and culture. Since I was 7, I knew that I was not like other humans and that I was destined for greatness beyond anything my young mind could fathom. I’m a walking enigma. As I begin to expand, I realize the more that I know . . . the more there is to learn.

I was a straight A honor-roll student in elementary. I valued school and respected the system. A total teachers pet. I would win every art contest. I’d finish my school work before everyone else. I’ve always been really smart. I loved books and reading was what I enjoyed most of all. I loved getting lost within the pages of a good story. I was a master of ballet, jazz , tap and contemporary dance but quit at an early age .

I’ve always had an energy that makes girls green with envy. I had big energy and it made those around me feel small. I was overly skilled at almost everything as a kid. Painting, dancing, writing , debating , running, acting and anything else under the sun. You name it . I could do it all.

I aspired to be many things. A fashion designer, an artist, a model, a dance choreographer, an actress , a samurai warrior , a rapper , an assassin, a therapist/psychologist , a spy and a best selling author.

Growing up in Vegas meant that a normal childhood and teenage life was not an option for me. My innocent nature was extracted from me once my family moved from Kansas City to Nevada and I entered the 5th grade where everyone around me seemed to be far more mature and advanced than I was. I liked reading books and wearing boy clothes while the other girls liked doing hard drugs and talking about how much they loved giving fellatio. Two things I knew nothing of at the time. The girls were full figured with large breasts and wide hips whereas I hadn’t even hit puberty yet. $in city forced me to grow up rapidly due to being exposed to so much too soon.

In high school I took on many personas. I was the class clown. The mean girl to some . The weirdo to others. The spiritual guru. The pot head . The popular loner. The juvenile delinquent. The girl with the tattoos and piercings in every hole imaginable . I hung out with everyone ! I was a total social butterfly and overly friendly. On the flip side I had quite the reputation.

I never went to prom, football games, or homecomings. I didn’t get to walk the stage with my high school or college peers. I’ve done everything by myself. I spent my time with older men outside of school that had more knowledge and wisdom than the teenage boys I went to school with. I had no business frolicking with lawyers, realtors, and music producers at such a young age but I was hungry for knowledge, stimulating dialogue and free game.I knew that what I was seeking would not be found in a public school classroom .

THE LEVEL UP

I’d like to think of myself as the boujee friend . The rich auntie . The high maintenance girlfriend and the sophisticated wife . I’m 25 now and I only want the best for myself.

Recently I’ve been on my scholar tip. I have my head burried in the pages of 5 different books currently. 1. 48 Laws of Power : for my Mind. 2. The Alchemist : for my Spirit. 3. Midnight & The Meaning of Love: for my Heart. 4. The Bible: for my Soul. 5. The Sacred Woman: for my Womb.

I am striving to get to know myself again after suffering from imposter syndrome for the past 2 years. I’ve realized why I seek solitude so much and so often. As an empath, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the insecurities, traumas and projections of the people I love. Boundaries are more than necessary during this phase of my life and I am re-learning what it means to put myself first instead of compromising myself and taking a step back from my morals, values and beliefs.

Abuse has been a recurring theme in my life. It’s like a never ending nightmare. Often times I feel like I’m a magnet for narcissistic and abusive connections. It is because I have the spirit of a healer. Moths will always be drawn to the light. I’m no victim though. I can be verbally abusive and mentally manipulative. Most times I simply reflect back to people the energy they give to me. So if you come to me playing mind games, I’m going to mind fuck you into an abyss. If you approach me with love and tenderness , that is what you will receive from me in return. You get what you give. So talk to me nice.

I never hurt another human intentionally unless I have been bruised first. That’s just my inner child showing off. Tit for tat. Moving forward I won’t lower myself to meet people where they are. My ancestors punish me immediately whenever I step down from my throne. As a leader, I must be mindful of how I make my people feel with my words and actions or lack thereof. The saying ‘hurt people hurt people’ is very real. From now on instead of inflicting more pain onto myself or someone else, I will silently remove myself from undesirable situations and let god handle it instead. She is bound to have more mercy on you than I ever will.

I’ve been suicidal a few times in my life. Each incident was primarily for attention but never because I was honestly seeking death. My thought in the midst of my attempts were, “I’m literally too pretty to die. Who’s going to take care of my cat?”. I am the absolute worst at trying to kill myself. I actually tip my hat off to those who have successfully committed suicide because it takes a high level of bravery that most of us do not innately possess. This is not to say that I am an advocate for suicide. It is to say that calling those who attempt suicide cowards is far from the truth.

I’ve had bouts of depression on and off throughout my journey and it’s usually almost always due to unrequited love. My rising sign is in Libra and my Venus sits in loving Cancer so it is true that throughout my life I may struggle with relationships and love because I signed up for this so that my soul could learn these valuable lessons of what partnership truly is.

I desire a love deeper than the ocean yet I choose people that can hardly doggy paddle in a lake! I talk to God about the state of my heart often. I blame my mother and her mother for never learning how to love themselves properly so that they could receive love from a man correctly. I have to work 10x harder just to get a taste of what true love is. Like I said, I’m only 25 and I have yet to have a boyfriend. I’ve had relations with men but never an actual relationship with one. It’s as if I’m good enough to be desired but not good enough to be kept. Perhaps it’s my fault. Intimacy exposes my deepest wounds and once they are revealed, the guys go running towards the nearest exit sign. Or perhaps the men I choose are just weak . I deserve a champion.

I am healing from a love that didn’t love me back. The way to renewal is often through the path of destruction. As soon as one wound heals, another appears. I am well equipped to handle what comes my way. I just know that I am quite the catch and a man’s inability to love me the right way does not determine my value as a woman. I will never settle again. Life is too short to be settling for mediocre immature lust-filled experiences and quite frankly I am exhausted with having to continuously fake orgasms. If he can’t make me cum, he probably isn’t the one.

THE TRUTH BRINGER : Malaisia Durrant starring as Faye

When no one’s watching, I’m basking in my essence, or writing. Crying and healing from what already feels like a lifetime of trauma, and utilizing my voice in every way. When no one is watching, I’m model walking in the mirror with confidence, or blasting twenty one pilots while I shower. Nonetheless, when no one is watching, I am me. And I’m constantly working on myself.

I always said I’d be a veterinarian or a zoologist in the 5th grade. Once I got to 6th grade I set myself out to be a famous actress one day and stuck with this mentality up until my sophomore year of college.

I definitely have touched this dream but have not fulfilled it to my highest potential. I remember always comparing myself to others and feeling inadequate. Now, the dreams I’m manifesting/aligning with are even bigger. Acting is still included and I’m happy to be aligned with that little girl in me who always dreamt big and knew she had a greater purpose. This is only the beginning.

In high school I was the most unsure of myself. But one thing about me that never left was my sense of humor and light. I walked around with a contagious smile which was my strong suit at the time. I was overweight but curvy as hell and too insecure to flaunt it. However, I was actively creating something which has completely molded me into the woman I am today.

THE EMERGENCE

I’ve suffered from depression/anxiety, mental, physical and emotional abuse. While the hardest form to deal with growing up was sexual abuse. In all these different moments, I couldn’t turn to much. Being in the foster care system and not really having a safety net, I turned to writing. All of these experiences affected me the most emotionally. I became emotionally insecure and too much for people. I became suicidal and dependent on others to make me happy. But all of these experiences shaped me and ultimately brought me to a deeper inner-standing of myself. I really learned that my battles are not just my own.

What I’ve discovered about sex and love is that they are two separate entities and love does not have to be proven through sex. I learned that sex alters our emotional state beyond the 3D realm and connecting to someone in this way can really change you for the good, bad, or ugly.

I am healing. That alone has caused a massive shift in my family dynamic and other relationships in my life. What makes me impactful is my ability to look myself in the mirror and know who I am, while actively bettering myself so that those around me can catch on and do the same for themselves. It’s my willingness to step into my power and lead, while being authentic to myself and showcasing that I too, am human and have a shadow side.

When I transition into the afterlife, I’ll be known for my impact on the people and everything I faced to get to where I end up. I feel what’ll be remembered most is how I carried my light through it all.

THE NURTURER : Lisha Webb starring as Katherine "Kat" Hernandez

Growing up I was quiet and shy. I think certain experiences helped to mold me into the person I am today.

I aspired to be a model and a doctor. I started modeling and I love it . I’m not a doctor but I am in school to become a nurse. The goal is to eventually become a traveling nurse and model from state to state as well.

I’ve been emotionally abused by my Mother and sexually abused by my Grandpa. I had to learn how to trust again and I still don’t. Sometimes when the people closest to you harm you, it can close doors for new people, new love and new experiences.

I learned that life isn’t perfect but our experiences make us who we are as people. I’ve learned to let go and move forward with life.

MY MOMENT

I’m living in my moment and enjoying life. I have multiple personalities so you never know what version of me you’ll get. I can be chill, hella retarded, goofy and crazy. Most of all I’m really sexual. I’m always nude or complimenting myself in the mirror. I listen to a lot of City Girls and Megan Thee Stallion so it’s pretty much ‘fuck you pay me to niggas’.

I showcase what it means to never give up . 4 years ago I couldn’t walk without a cane, now I’m walking the runway.

THE DREAM MAKER : Veronica Aparicio starring as Ruby "Rue" Bennett

Ever since I was a little girl, I would see the MISS UNIVERSE pageants and I knew I wanted to be a model. It would be a dream come true to become MISS USA. I am now 18 and working everyday to get closer to that goal.

The thing I love most about myself is my personality. I am the realest me I can be. I love being myself and showing people how I really am.

High school was a hard part of my life. I fell heavily into depression. I wouldn't go to school because it was that bad. I would stay in my bedroom all day and night sleeping. I do not think high school molded me into a better person but now I'm on the path to go to college very soon!

BLESSINGS

I think that just focusing on what I wanted for my life and really working for it helps to move on from pain of the past. I've learned that distracting myself helps a lot, so washing dishes or just getting up and doing something when I have time helps with my depression. Just letting go of my past and never looking back, keeping my eyes straight and focusing on the good. I'm pushing myself to try my hardest for what I want in my life.

I feel that most people don’t believe in love or saving yourself for the right person, but I believe that love does exist and I think waiting until you find that right person is such a BIG deal!

THE AVENGERS

We are who we are and we are not defined by our experiences . No matter how much society tries to cage us in, lock us down and label us as outcasts, we will forever come for what is meant for us. We fight battles the outside world may never see. We ball our fists and beat the shit out of the odds. No matter where our paths take us, we will forever prosper.

Author & Curator of Love Is:

Trashae Bradley: IG:Theethereal_empress Facebook:Shae Layanese’ Email:[email protected]

Photographer:

Micah Thompson [IG: micah_thompson_photography] [Email: [email protected]]

Models:

Victoria Wilson IG:@vikkileighhh FB: Vikki Lee

Shakeria Cohen IG: @lifewithkira_ Email: [email protected] FB: Shakeria Cohen

Malaisia Durrant IG: @Laixgoddess/@lbgalore FB: Laisia Rachelle Email: [email protected]

Lisha Webb IG: @itslishamariee FB: Lisha Webb

Veronica Aparicio IG: @Veronica_Aparicioo FB: La China