“Life Is Too Important to Be Taken Seriously”

by Insatiable-ness 8 months ago in comedy

Oscar Wilde

“Life Is Too Important to Be Taken Seriously”

I’m writing these short stories about my journey of life, not because I had it hard (you will learn that it wasn’t hard in the ways you think), but instead to shed some light and have some light-hearted humor in the mix. I’m a happily divorced single mom with an ex-husband that is fully involved and wants to see his kids, which in reality means that I began to have a double life. I’m a loving mother some days of the week and let's just say that on others, I'm a promiscuous motherfucker. Let’s just say I take advantage of the no-kid days to the fullest.

These stories aren’t about lovey-dovey shit, but more of life experiences that are meant to be shared. For one, I have a problem with remembering shit (I apparently suppress memories and have done this since I was a kid) and secondly, to shed some light on what people actually go through in their lives. I will write these experiences from my point of view. Just remember there are always three sides to a story: each of the person's involved perspective, and then the truth. You might get lost in the lingo, and so what? Reread that paragraph again and it will make you think about who the writer actually is. You might have moments that make you laugh, cry, pee your pants, hit your head with your palm and open your mouth so wide that your jaw might hurt. You might also be judgmental. I don't actually care about other's people's opinions of me. I can’t control how you feel, but do me a favor and be nothing more than entertained and possibly relatable. Just know that if this is relatable (which I’m sure it will be to some), you are not alone. Some people don’t actually realize their true abilities, but I have learned mine and completely believe that people are brought into our lives for a purpose. Every single fucked up and crazy one of them!! You might not know the initial purpose once you meet them, but if they stick around long enough and you analyze that relationship/interaction, then you will grow to realize that there are no coincidences in this thing we call life.

I sincerely believe that you are what you manifest and as you read along, you will see the lovely things I have brought in my life. Sit back and enjoy the stories. If you relate, great! If not, just imagine what your life would be like if you encounter the people I do. Think about where you can be if you can be as brutally honest as I am and just be heard. You might piss some people off (fuck ‘em, you can’t please everyone). Trust me this is a better way of living than living life dealing with fake people around you. No more lies…

The first story goes like this… I was at a popular bar one night, bored out of my mind because of the company I was with, and was in need of some flirting. These two African American men came in and my horny radar came on immediately (think of a metal detector hitting gold). I’m a woman that is not afraid to talk to strangers. My motto will always be “give joy to people’s lives.” I am talking about strangers on the street, friends, co-workers, family, everyone! A smile goes a long way!

So me being me, I walk over to them and begin to ask where they were from. I come to find out they were a few towns over and originally from Jamaica. You don't know me yet, but I love Jamaicans! A few minutes of small talk and I asked them if they had any weed they are willing to share (Hello! Jamaicans always have weed, hence my infatuation with them to a certain extent). They gladly wanted to share, so we went to their car and smoked.

We sat in their car smoking and talking for about an hour. It was 2:30 AM at this point and the bar was emptying out because it was closing time. Mind you, I left my girl in the bar alone to smoke with these guys. You would have done the same thing, please don't judge! Now I'm horny, drunk and high all at once (yes, I am somewhat responsible to not drive in that condition). They offered to drive me home and I gladly accepted knowing I will get to smoke some more and not have to get an Uber to pick my drunk ass up. I smoked some more on the drive home and and arrived home at last. I invited them in and we continued to talk, drink and smoke. Now let me just say that I was interested in one of them more than the other, but I knew I would fuck both if it came down to it. Me and the guy I was into start making out on the couch. One thing lead to another and we start fucking in my room. His friend is still on the couch but he can hear it all! I felt bad for him so I brought him a chair and placed it in the corner so he can watch. What's wrong with some live porn?

Let's just say, he couldn't handle just watching. He went nuts! At some point, he got naked and started jerking off. Now I have a show to watch LOL. I eventually let him join the party only because the other one couldn't keep up. Definitely glad I did because he had an amazing dick. It wasn’t so much a threesome because I would wear one out and the other would tag team and just take over and vice versa. It was a great experience having two different men at the same time. My bed was soaked (thank god for waterproof mattress cover)! This went on for a few hours in the early hours of the morning. The aftermath is a different story...

The one I was originally fucking, not the friend, got very needy and attached. He would call a million times a day (that's what it felt like), FaceTime every morning and wanted to see me wayyyyyy to often. Had to have the talk with him that he's not my one and only and he would have to deal with that. He did, so now he calls once a week and wants me to make time for him, but time is an illusion no? He got cut off fairly quickly, I definitely don't like desperation. It's sad to look back at it now, and the main problem wasn't the million calls, it was the cuddling he wanted to do. Am I the only woman alive that can’t stand cuddling? I can't stand it! I hate being hot! So when I feel like I’m being suffocated and not being able to breathe then you have to go. Sorry not sorry. Next…

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Married 14 years. 2 kids later. Happily divorced and living the dream or is it a nightmare...

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