Letters To Jessica

Letters To Jessica is part of a segment from The Adult Film Actress Jessica Grabbit's Official Podcast; Bizarre Sex News.

Letter From: Male: Michigan

Dear Jessica,

My son is 16 years old, and we have never had the 'sex talk'. I have noticed that he watches a lot of 'adult' movies. Am I too late to discuss sex with him?

My Answer:

Dear Dad in Michigan,

You are not too late.

It is never too late to have the sex talk, and actually on my Bizarre Sex News podcast episode before this particular one, I did a story about when is the right time to talk to your kids about sex. What is the right age? When you're an adult you look at sex and sexuality differently. We're kind of jaded because of the sexual knowledge we have already been exposed to. Kids are not that way. Kids are very curious creatures when t comes to sex/sexuality.

They want to know about their anatomy. They want to know the difference between boys and girls. Just out of sheer curiosity.

Him being 16, means that his hormones have kicked in overdrive and he wants to know about sex. He wants to see it. He wants to be a part of it.

So what do we do with that?

Alright, so you're noticing he's watching a lot of adult movies. So, Dad, you are the adult. He is not. So whatever he is watching, whether it's yours, whether it's online, he does not have consent to watch it.

The number one thing that we need to teach Kids/Teens in this era is about consent, and being respectful towards others' physical/emotional boundaries. He does not have consent to watch any adult movies. He does not have consent from you as a parent, and by his age. He is a minor, and it is illegal. So you can always scare him with that fact.

Also, make sure that he understands that there are boundaries with sex.

Maybe you just need to do what I had to do with one of my nieces and sit him down and just ask the hard question, "What do you know about sex?" You're gonna be very shocked to find that he and his friends are talking about it. Do they talk about it the correct way? No.

Brace yourself for a lot of disinformation or just bizarre wives' tales. It is your job as his father, as the role model that he will fashion himself after to do the work. Unfortunately, the work is your son. You can start the conversation similar to, "I know we did not have the sex talk, but now's the time we need to talk about it."

You also let them know that porn is not real.

Let him know actors/actresses get paid to fake it. Those positions that you see us doing, and they may be the greatest positions you've ever seen us do, but It's orchestrated. It is fake.

Porn is entertainment for adults 18 and over. It will not teach you how to be a better lover. It will not teach you how to please a woman. All it will do is entertain you.

Unfortunately, as a 16-year-old, the only entertainment that he should be getting his hands on is video games and finding out what he wants to do with his life, because he only has two more years left, and then he is a grown man out in the world.

This conversation about sex needs to be an ongoing conversation. It just doesn't need to be about the inner workings of sex either. It needs to be about relationships based upon respect, because once you lay the foundation of respect down then they know how they're supposed to approach that subject.

Dad, it's never too late. This is a conversation that you need to have at least twice a week. Talking to him about that on a consistent basis helps him realize that sex is not a game. Whatever you need to do to keep that conversation open, do it. You will find out that not only is it teaching him about sex, but it's also teaching you about sex.

There are some sex trends that you don't know about until you start Googling and honey when you Google, you'll be shocked. Also, if you are from an older generational background, where sex was not something talked about, you've got to remove that shame that may come when you discuss this with your son. Removing that shame and the stigma helps your child to be able to say 'no' when he's put in sexually uncomfortable or sexual situations that are dangerous. That's why we have to remove the shame and stigma behind sex.

What if he is in a sexually dangerous situation that could have been easily avoided by just having a conversation with him?

He can't really voice how he really feels about this situation because you never had that talk. That's why we have to have a conversation about sex. We must answer the tough questions. Then we even go above and beyond. We try to show empathy and relate to them by sharing some of our sexual experiences.

No, you're not going to go into detail about ol' girl from '85 (lol), but you do need to tell him something along the lines of, "My first sexual experience I didn't know what I was doing." or "It was awkward." "I didn't like it, as you age be your sex experiences become XYZ PDQ…" Stick to facts.

For the most part, your conversation with your child about sex will always lay between consent and relationships. Those are the two things that you need to build upon and then you can go to sex because once you see that he has a strong understanding of the different foundations of relationships, he understands the concepts, as well as the dynamics of that. He will be able to handle that better. He will be sexually responsible because that's what we always want. We want to raise sexually responsible kids.

We don't want to keep raising people who are just out there willy nilly.

Before you have the talk, think about the sex talk you had. Was it a good sex talk? Was it a bad sex talk? Did you even have a sex talk? So now it's your turn to do the talk, the way that you would have wanted your parents to do the talk, and then keep expounding on that, because again, the talk is a continual conversation.

The talk should not be limited to one talk a year, because so many sex trends happen in a year, right? So you want to continuously talk to him. If that means it is every Saturday. Make it a day where you two go out and have lunch and you ask how his life is going. Ask about his relationships with his friends. You guys can begin to build that trust.

Be open, honest, and okay with talking about sex with your teen, because I guarantee you this, you're the only one that's trippin' about it. So you're going to have to do it. I want to thank you so much for giving me this letter, and I hope it works out...