Lend me your ear!

I'll start by saying: if you know me in real life and you don't want to know any details about my sex life I haven't shared (without anyone asking) already, you may not want to continue with this here article. Things are about to get weird.

I had the great fortune of exploring my sexuality to a rather full and healthy extent in my first couple year of University, and I tell anyone who will listen that I think everyone needs a "date for fun" phase. That's the really nice way of me saying I think everyone should sleep around (safely!) without giving a single fuck what anyone says, because having sex is fun, and learning what you enjoy is important.

If I would have reserved my sex life for serious relationships only, I would have been left with a lot of plain vanilla sex and questions. I wasn't exactly having too many encounters with experienced men or women before University, and sex until then was basically just me serving as a tool for male orgasm (ew). I didn't know that sex was so much more than penetration until my exploratory phase, and I can't imagine what life would be like if I simply let my inner freak lie dormant as I laid on my back planning what was for dinner for the rest of my sex life! I met a lot of people with experience and then would turn around and meet people with none to practise with. It was a pretty fun couple of years, and I ended the whole stint STI free, so that's a plus.

Of course, not all of my experiences were incredible, but even the not so great experiences taught me something about what I liked or didn't like. Or even just about what weird shit other people are into. For instance, when I hooked up with people like... let's call him "Ned" for this story, okay?

Ned was super cute, tall, athletic, and for some reason, really into me. I was a cocky sophomore, he was a freshman, and I decided he may need a girl to help him get acquainted with campus... while in the process hypnotizing him into getting acquainted with me. I didn't usually attract too many jock types, but I took a shot anyway if it meant an opportunity for letting my freak flag fly, and Ned seemed to like my confidence. I offered to show him around to where his classes were in the first semester, we partied together a couple of times, and we started to really hit it off.

Ned was shy and a bit clumsy and those factors combined made his big dumb jock self even more attractive to me, for some reason. He was serving up some real horny virgin vibes but for some reason, I began developing this strange need to corrupt him. After spending all of high school and junior high being rejected by anyone other than horny drama nerds, it was like I was back for my revenge against all athletic boys: I would have sex with this big dumb jock, and then I would break him into tiny little pieces.

He seemed into the idea of being with me, but the shy thing delayed this process a bit, which fueled the fantasy fire even more. I finally got the big oaf to kiss me, and though he claimed he wasn't a virgin, he needed a little bit of work. It was like one of those makeover montages from early 2000's movies, but with me taming someone who seemed to have learned to kiss from watching a video of a snake eating a warthog. Finally, after a few very wet encounters, I got him where I wanted him, and having sex could be more than just tolerable. It was time to live my revenge fantasy. It was time to do the jock.

I started sending text messages from my dorm room when I noticed he was in the student lounge watching TV with an evil plan. Each message I sent was more and more suggestive when finally, I decided to take a few sneak peeks to send him to get him prepared. I couldn't send them without watching him try to hide his reaction in front of our friends, so I strutted into the lounge and took a seat on the couch across the room, selected the picture, and hit send. He slid his finger across his phone and his eyes grew wide, his lips fighting against the giant smirk spreading across them. He looked up at me and I gave him a cool wink. This big beautiful idiot was really in for it. He stood up and as the lounge door slid shut, a message came across my screen.

"You're so going to get it, and you so better be right behind me."

I didn't even try to hide the fact I was out for blood from our friends. I practically ran after him, catching the door to his dorm room just as he tried to push it shut. I grabbed his shirt collar and pressed him into the door while turning the lock.

We started getting a little hotter and heavier than ever, and I began kissing his neck while my hands worked their magic. I briefly moved to gently bite his ear lobe and he flinched underneath me, letting out a rather dramatic moan. Tickled by this, I did it again; he grabbed me and pushed his hips hard into mine. This was too easy. I gently ran my tongue along his ear lobe and he threw his head back, this time groaning to me,

"Put your tongue in my ear"

Wait, what? Like... in it? I sat up a bit. I tried not to pause for too long, but this was my first time with an... ear guy. "But he's a straight white dude. Are they clean? Oh god. I'm just gonna stay on the outside..." I thought as I nibbled again at his ear.

"Please... I'm begging you... just do it... it's so fucking hot..."

Huh. Wow. He's really into this frickin' ear thing. Well... he is begging... it's really doing it for the whole "I finally get to run a jock's life" fantasy. But what if it tastes gross? HE'S PUTTY IN MY HANDS I HAVE TO KEEP GOING.

I gently pushed my tongue into his ear and Ned bucked wildly underneath me as if we were actually having sex. It didn't taste like anything, so my faith in the cleanliness of straight boys had been slightly restored, and I decided to have a little more fun with it. I started flicking my tongue in and out of his ear for a couple of seconds when all of a sudden...

"FUCK! Ohhhhhhhhhmygod"

He grabbed a fist full of my shirt and another full of ass, clenching and releasing, letting all of the oxygen in his body go. I had been on top of him for maybe 2 minutes, fully clothed, and I wasn't even topless. I didn't even get my cat touched and I made this dude come in his pants by tonguing his ear for twenty seconds. The freak flag was quickly brought down the pole, folded up, and saved for another day. I left to spend another night with my magic wand and my laptop, and really, I was likely better for it.

I didn't get to ruin a jock's life with freaky addicting sex, and I didn't get to have an orgasm, but I did learn a lot about erogenous zones, which opened up a whoooooole new world for me. So thanks, Ned. I hope you and your ears are sexually satisfied.