I Learned Sex Is About More Than Penetration When a Man with Erectile Dysfunction Paid Me $500 for Sex

Michael was married once, unhappily. His marriage, for the most part, was sexless. By the time he left his wife, he was seventy. He hadn't had sex with a woman in twenty years.

He was hell-bent on living out his last years in a state of sexual debauchery. The problem was, he was now impotent and could no longer achieve an erection.

I met Michael by way of the sugar-daddy website I advertised on. He invited me for lunch so we could get to know each other better. Well, so he could decide if he wanted to pay me for sex or not.

Clearly, he was happy with me because over crab legs and Pinot Grigio he talked about how excited he was to go to bed with me and to pay me $500.

He made no mention of his erectile dysfunction.

After lunch, we went back to his place. We undressed and fell into bed together. Everything was perfect :  the music, the lighting, the aroma of the scented candles he lit.

Even the condoms were present on his nightstand. There was just one thing missing: his erection.

As an escort, I know that usually by this stage, a man has an erect penis.

In fact, he's typically had an erection from the moment he stepped into the room to meet me. He's probably had an erection the whole drive over. He's had a hard-on since he first made the appointment. Who knows how many times he's masturbated, thinking about me since he first saw my ad.

In my experience, the problem is usually making sure a man doesn't come too soon. This wasn't Michael's case. He was flaccid even as we lay in bed together, nude.

Seeing his penis in such a state sent me diving between his legs. I put his dick in my mouth and began to suck.

I sucked and sucked and sucked.

His penis remained limp.

What was wrong? Did I undress and he decided he didn't like me anymore? What had I done to make him change his mind?

Maybe it was my blowjob skills. I'd always thought I gave great head. Maybe I was wrong.

Or I'd done something else to turn him off.

"Just to let you know, it no longer works," Michael finally said, motioning toward his flaccid penis. "But I'm enjoying your blowjob anyway."

My fears were allayed. It wasn't me. It was him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. It would have been nice to have known.

"I didn't want to jinx it," he said. "It could suddenly start to work."

He told me he wasted years of virility with a woman who didn't want to have sex with him. In a cruel twist of fate, ever since he left her, he hadn't been able to get a hard-on.

I already had my envelope with $500 cash in it. Why did he pay me if we couldn't even have sex? As I stroked his limp penis, I had no idea what kind of sensation he was experiencing.

What was he getting out of this meeting if he couldn't even get his dick hard?

"Sex is about so much more than fucking," he said. "My favorite part of sex is lying in bed with you like this."

"Is that why you don't take Viagra?" I asked.

He said yes.

I learned something that day. Sex isn't only about penetration.

Connection was the purpose of our meeting.

Too often we define sex in terms of a man's erection.

When does the act of sex begin between a couple? With a man's hard-on? When does it end? When a man ejaculates and loses that erection?

I'd been judging sex by male standards. Ironically it would take a man to teach me otherwise.

I'd been viewing sex in terms of just penetration. If penetration didn't happen, it wasn't sex.

I was wrong. My experience with Michael proved that.

He never penetrated me that day, but we certainly had sex. I lay back on the bed and he got on top of me. Intertwining our legs, he began to grind his limp phallus into my vagina.

We both closed our eyes. I heard him moan with pleasure. I enjoyed the sensation of his penis rubbing against my vulva and clitoris. I became wet with the friction.

It was an interesting experience. Usually, men are rushing to penetrate me. Instead, Michael teased me delightfully by not doing so.

Finally, he played with my clitoris with his fingers until I came on his hand. I wanted to reciprocate but wasn't sure how. His penis was still limp. I asked him what I could do.

"I'm just happy being here with you," he said.

For Michael, it was enough to experience the sensation of what it could feel like if he penetrated me.

Afterward, we lay in bed together and talked for hours. We discussed anything and everything. He was a great conversationalist, a writer himself.

Sex for us that day wasn't just about feeling aroused in our genitals. We aroused each other on other levels.

We aroused each other through all of our senses - -through our skin and our minds. We aroused each other through the intimacy of our closeness.

We bonded on a different level. I won't say it was a higher or lower level ;  it was just different.

I never saw Michael again. He wanted me to become his girlfriend and move in with him. I was sugar-dating as a business. I wasn't interested in having a boyfriend ,  or at least I wasn't interested in a commitment.

My desire not to take things further with Michael had nothing to do with his impotence. I left deeply sexually satisfied that day.

I will always remember what he taught me.

An erect penis isn't necessary for sex to occur.

Sex is an experience in connection between two people. However you achieve that connection is a beautiful thing.

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